FOI

[BeautyMarked]

I’m hoping to make a SAR for all information, including any emails sent about me by the university with regard to the situation I’m in and in particular to see if I can find out if he had anything to do with that disgusting note on my medical record. I’ve started making enquiries with the data team and have told them which colleges I am looking for information from. How do I know that people won’t just delete emails etc so that I cannot be given them? If I make a SAR should they be able to give me copies of emails sent about me? I have no idea how it works but I worry that my college and his college will just delete emails as I guess there’s nothing to stop them from doing that once they know I want the info.

[diymum@1]

i am wondering could the student union help you with this? there will be an email trail back to the nhs – i know that the nhs use a system called trak and sci gate way. the have an ehealth department that look at everything and most info is audited- id imagine even from that side (nhs) they can retreive deleted items x*x

[fizzylem]

I think you need to at least try, but maybe don’t expect to get them, rather see whether you do. Yes NHS email should be accessible, its not really standard practice to delet anything in the NHS, more to keep it all. Guess it would help to establish the college policies – I’d try and speak to someone in the IT dept first and make a genral enquiry with no name and as a student. Sadly, files, records, emails do go missing when someone requests them sometimes, not always no, but sometimes yes. Suppose it depends on whether the person dealing with this for you is free to access what you are asking for and to give them to you – without being told to handle it another way, or if they’ve been destroyed already x

[BeautyMarked]

So it seems that I am having varying levels of success with the SAR. I’m not quite sure what to make of it all. I’m on edge so I may be making it out to be worse than it is. My College seem a bit cagey about my request (possibly because of the medical note or because they’ve been recording less than complimentary things?) I tried to mitigate it by explaining that I’m not trying to be tricky, I’m simply trying to gather date to build a picture and for evidence but I don’t think it’s helped. Any video footage of the frightening gaslighting incident that may have helped me is also apparently unavailable as it gets taped over after a certain time. I’m not sure whether it’s best to be upfront with my College secretary about the medical note, and perhaps at least try to glean whether there was any involvement from him at least. I don’t really want to make an enemy of my College but they seemed a bit off compared to his College who put up no resistance and are processing my request. (Detail removed by moderator). I also went back to the police to ask for a specialist from the DV team to look at my case. I don’t want to be over-suspicious about all this but this is all a bit much. Every time I think a complaint is not worth it, my resolve to not go back and beg him and make a spectacle of myself is weakened. I wake up every morning (if I even manage to sleep!) wishing he would just come back to me. Justice is so hard to get and nothing seems so soul-destroying. I just want the man that I love back. I don’t care what he does as no one else does (except all my fellow survivors who understand what I’m going through of course xx).

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there BM,

I wouldn’t think you would have to justify why you want data that concerns you. Unless a police matter I would think they would have to just gather the data within set timeframes and provide it to you, however as I noted when I got my medical records my ex’s name was redacted, so perhaps they are having to go through a redaction process too which may make them sound cagey. I am not sure. Have they declined your request in any way that would make it seem so? If not, I would just leave it as a request for all data pertaining to you and ask for a time estimate. But perhaps Colleges work differently than other institutions, I am not sure. Sorry, I am not the most helpful here.

You say all you want is the man that you love back, however he never existed in the first place. The real him is the one you’ve had to deal with since that gaslighting incident, the one who ignored you, the one who wanted you to have an abortion. I think it’s important you see him as he really is and ask yourself – is he really the man I love? I know what it feels like to want them back, I still have moments now some months down the line, but they are fewer and less intense and are infact moments rather than constant. And throughout it all, I have clung to the list of the abusive, cruel, hurtful, torture-like acts he committed against me, adding to the list as more and more abuse was uncovered that had been locked away in my mind. The man I love never existed, I loved the mirror-image he would sometimes portray but underneath it he was always an abuser. In the end he never even bothered to put the nice mask back on.

Think about what would happen if he somehow changed his mind now – how would you ever be able to trust he wouldn’t ghost you again? How would you be able to trust he would be there for you when you needed him in the future? How can you trust he will ever treat you right when he never admitted to abusing you? If he did come back, how would you ever be able to trust he didn’t do so to prevent you filing your complaint? He is putting himself first, you should do the same for you and your boy. I left my ex many times and he left me many times, and I always wanted him back no matter who had left who. And whenever we reconciled, it would be nice for 12-36 hours on average, then I would find myself right back in the fog and unhappiness wondering if my life would ever feel worth living, waiting for my next fix of his lovebombing. When I made my first post on this forum, a lovely lady on here wrote to me explaining how her husband had filed for divorce against her and her support worker had told her that he had done her a favour. Sometimes a discard, cruel as it most certainly is, is also a favour. We just have to try and change our mindset and allow ourselves to see and feel it. It’s hard but it can be done. If I can get to the stage I am at now, I truly believe you can too. But you need to find that switch within you where you can let him go, where you can realise “this is where he took it too far, I can’t forgive this”. It’s difficult but the switch is there and can be a number of things. Just have to search for them x

[BeautyMarked]

Thanks AS. I never really thought of it that way. You’re right – there’s been so much damage. I do t really forgive any of it that’s the problem and why I want justice. It’s exhausting and frightening to get it. So much easier if he could just prove he wasn’t a monster, but I guess that ship is sailing off into the distance for me. I just hope it wasn’t jest because of me. He doesn’t seem to have a history although one or two things have been mentioned but I don’t think it’s been outright abusive.

[Starla]

Have you read this webpage?
https://ico.org.uk/your-data-matters/your-right-of-access/

It’s almost certainly illegal for them to delete data in order to avoid releasing it to you. They’re unlikely to risk doing this because the ICO can (and has previously) give out very large fines for breaches. It can be difficult to process a SAR if the scope of information requested is very broad or non-specific. So if you particularly want emails relating to the note on your medical record then I’d suggest you ask for that, perhaps as emails between person A and person B between date A and date B.

The next issue will be that he’s not a member of staff of your college (sorry if I’ve understood that wrongly) so they may run into difficulties in whether they are legally able to disclose his emails without his permission. If you haven’t already done so, you could ask them what reasons, under GDPR, they have identified for not disclosing the data.

I can understand why you have reassured them about why you want the data, but you don’t need to justify this to them and I’d advise you not to. It should be a straightforward legal question of whether access to the data is possible or not.

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