For those who got out , do you regret leaving what is different now?

[Rainbowcloud]

Hi hope it’s ok to post for those who ha e come out of the abuse how is life now ? Would you ever consider going back ? Have you been able to normal relationships since ?
I have no friends everyone hates him mainly because they have see how he’s treated me over the years. I’ve got no life apart from him and my kids when I do arrange nights out the silence the hell I get isn’t worth it. He would love me not working as he hates that too but we need the money coming in.
He does help me financially but not enough he has all the money he gives me an allowance towards the bills etc but that’s it nothing more when I ask.
I need to see what my life could be will I be really lonely I find it hard to make friends too

[diymum@1]

It was honestly the best thing I ever did. To get rid off him meant I could have friends round – n the first year I had a garden party at the house something I couldn’t ever do before. I could wear what I wanted. I remember my first night out I walked through my gate and the taste off freedom felt really good. I came home when I felt like it sat in front off the fire and just relaxed. very simple but think I remember this because it was my first sense of being in control of my own house and my own life.

I did get into a new relationship a few years down the line. I do have vulnerabilities as far as trust issues at times but life s a lot better. I can focus now on what I would like to do next xxxx so hold in there its a scary leap but definitely the right thing to do xxxx

[Rainbowcloud]

I never have my friends over I do have old friends but we don’t see one another much anymore very rarely.
My one friend with kids the same age asked if she could come over in the holidays and I said I might ask her over and his face and then he said I did the garden for us to enjoy not just anyone to come over I don’t want people over and strangers.
It annoyed me so much we have had two parties and just his family and nieces and nephews come none of mine.
My brother asked to come over and I had to give an excuse as I know he does not want him here it’s such a bizarre thing as it’s my house not his.
We went away I was going to ask my brother to stay here and he pulled a face and asked his own brother to come and stay and watch the house behind my back really.
My sister lives abroad she’s coming home (detail removed by moderator) I put my foot down and said she was staying his kids was meant to be coming over that wkend and I said no my sister is here they can’t come (detail removed by moderator) and he kicked up suxj a fuss about it she only visits once per year as she lives the other side of the world ands he couldn’t even give me that two days off he hassled me the whole time she was here and kept texting and calling me from his dads.

I get so peed off with it all it’s not normal in my eyes how he has his family and I don’t have mine my mo does visit but he sits upstairs and makes it uncomfortable like she’s not wanted here. He does say hello and acts overly nice when he hates it deep down.

I’ve never once had a friend over to this house I’m in now isn’t that weird I’ve been here (detail removed by moderator) years ? I have no idea how it’s happened I’ve only had my sister here and stay over once in all that time.

[Rainbowcloud]

I wanted to book us something fun in (detail removed by moderator)and I said (detail removed by moderator) and he said he didn’t want to go to where I suggested so I said that’s fine I will ask my brother to come he would enjoy that with me and he was like no I didn’t say I don’t want to go just not this month and I said your so boring if jusf slipped out and he got so affected by what I said it must of hit a nerve as he kept going on about it and then saying well your boring but I’m not he doesn’t want to do anything with his life. Just make money all the time but money can’t be buried with you so what is the point I don’t understand how his mind works. I’ve got no money all the bills came out I Told him (detail removed by moderator) I’ve got nothing to my name I’ve got £20 for food for a week he said it’s not my problem I pay you ok the allowance u give me isn’t enough it’s not touching the sides so he will see me with no food money when he’s got it in the bank so I’m going to have to lend now to get me through or put it on my credit card again and get into debt.

[Tiffany]

I have no regrets except not getting out sooner. None of the hardships I have gone through since leaving are half as bad as the abuse. That includes losing my job, having no money and going back to live with my parents. It was possible to straighten out all these problems once I was away. Get a new job, save money up (I have enough for a deposit on a house now), and a couple of years down the line, I am with a man whom I like, who I have fun with, and I have friends who I meet up with as often as our schedules allow, and no one guilt trips me, or makes me feel bad.

[Iwantmeback]

Not one, my only regret is I didn’t do it when my children were younger

[EbonyRaven]

No regrets at all. I’m slowly picking up with an old friend from many years ago, and have joined a couple of classes where I chat with people. To be honest that’s enough interaction for me at the moment, I need to take it slowly.

I don’t feel at all lonely and I absolutely would never have him back, that’s for certain.

It hasn’t been long enough for me to consider another relationship, so I can’t comment on that. It’s just nice to be able to talk to someone of the opposite sex without any accusations later.

[HunkyDory]

I’m not ready yet to reconnect with friends apart from one. I see her once or twice a month, and my family 2-3 times a week. I’ve a busy work life and traveling a lot without worrying about being away or having to take him with me. I’m concentrating on work more, not having to leave early or worry about getting home late. I enjoy my own company. Playing my music when I want. I feel totally free. Less housework, ironing, cooking what I want not what he wanted all the time. Free to take up invitations when I’m ready. Engage in conversation with total strangers without the fear of being accused of flirting. No snoring keeping me awake. I sleep. I don’t feel tired all the time. Looking after myself and feeling good in my own skin. I’m not horrendously overdrawn at the end of the month and am slowly getting my finances in order. Not comparing myself to others. No more awkward social occasions, making excuses for him, turning down invitations. Optimistic for the future. Absolutely no regrets and I will never go back to him. Xx

[Fudgecake]

No regrets here regarding leaving. But I do regret that we didn’t have the life together I’d hoped we’d have. But that was only an illusion the real him is toxic and I’m thankful for getting away.

[Author]

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