9th March 2021 at 6:12 am #122921CatjamParticipant
I have found a property to rent. The landlady is the type to pick a tenant based on her instincts rather than money or first come first served. I had a call after the viewing to say I was short listed to 3 but had more questions. Then a call 10 minutes later to say it was mine. I never expected to be picked at all. It was quite a nice feeling to be told something felt right about me. Gave my confidence a little boost.
But now the part where I want to vomit. Leaving my home of a few decades. I have to remind myself that it’s not my safe place, it’s my prison. So many bad memories, yes my beautiful children were all raised here but in a toxic environment and while I can’t change that I need to build a better environment for my grandchild.
I am leaving with my pet, books and clothes so I am completely starting over. So tempting to stay here with him though. Pretend everything is ok.
9th March 2021 at 9:20 am #122923KIP.Participant
Please take that leap. I know that trauma bond is screaming. That your home is your safe place. Try to override these feelings. They aren’t real. It’s brainwashing. It’s not easy but just imagine having a peaceful life. To do what you want without fear and criticism. I got old pine furniture and upscaled it. I too left after decades and am thriving now. We are everything without them, they are nothing without us.
9th March 2021 at 10:50 am #122930CantmakedecisonsParticipant
Well done! I bet it did feel great being picked.. that should give you confidence in yourself.
I too left my family home of decades, it’s hard. The emotional bond with him and the house is difficult but so are the alternatives. You’ve come so far and now it’s time to dig your heels in and do it.
You will be fine, you’ll have some lows so be ready for them but you’ll also have relief and peace.
Stay in touch.
9th March 2021 at 1:17 pm #122937gettingtiredParticipant
Well done Catjam, you should be proud of yourself.
I agree, please take the leap. You know things aren’t going to improve with him. I feel like a hypocrite saying that as I still haven’t left and am terrified of doing so but the alternative is also scary.
You deserve to be living in peace x*x
9th March 2021 at 1:46 pm #122939beachhutParticipant
Well done you and good luck in your new home. I left (detail removed by moderator), with just my personal stuff, and he let me have (detail removed by moderator), but gradually you will get the things you need, and you really don’t need much, and what ever you do buy you will know it is yours. Very tempting to stay but you know you have to take this opportunity for you physical and mental health.
Take care of you. Xx
9th March 2021 at 4:03 pm #122944CatjamParticipant
Thanks everyone. Paid my deposit now so no going back as I can’t afford to lose that kind of money.
Do I tell him or just go? Seems cruel to leave without warning.
9th March 2021 at 4:13 pm #122947JulkaParticipant
If you made your decision, just go. He will do everything in his power to make you stay. And I mean emotional blackmail, manipulation, he will make you question yourself to the point you will never leave.
If you feel the need to explain, you can do it after you have left.
I have always felt the need to explain myself. I always thought, maybe he doesn’t understand because I didn’t explain myself well enough. If I just try once more, he will and everything will be fine.
Guess what. Didn’t happen.
Wishing you strength x
9th March 2021 at 4:45 pm #122948KIP.Participant
Do not tell him. It’s not cruel it’s survival. Once you’re out and safe you can make that decision. Too many women on here have absolutely regretted that discussion. The cruelty is decades of abuse. You own him nothing. You owe yourself peace and safety. I know it feels wrong but that’s because you’re a reasonable person. Unfortunately he is not, never has been and never will be. Try to make sure you don’t need to return for anything. Take that time apart to refocus and recharge x
9th March 2021 at 4:57 pm #122950HawthornParticipant
The very best of luck Catjam. Its daunting and scary but once you settle into your new place you wont know yourself. The peace. I left with nothing but an overnight bag but I dont need much. And what I have now is mine. And I have the most important things, peace and freedom.As will you. Hard decisions make for an easy life.
I agree with KIP, dont tell him. Practice self-compassion by not putting yourself through a painful and pointless experience. He has hurt you enough, that’s why you’re leaving.
Wishing you happiness and peace in your new home xx
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