25th January 2016 at 10:15 pm #8332
Hi the freedom program has been mentioned to me and I was wondering what people think? was it helpful? iv googled it and found the book its based around and skimed through it and its freaked me out some bits could have been written about me I don’t know if I’m ready to face that chapter of my life but my bury it and ignore it seems to be failing its all bubbling to the surface iv started to talk about what happened it’s no longer that secret to be kept but I’m not sure I can cope but I’m scared that it’s all going to explode out and I can’t really aford to have time off or have a full blown melt down and today I find out my divorce,house move and attack anniversary are going to happen more or less together how do I hold myself together I feel like a bottle of pop thats been shaken and somehow iv got to get the lid off without making a very big mess
25th January 2016 at 10:35 pm #8335MoonParticipant
I begun the freedom programme but because I was living in such a dangerous abusive relationship then I struggled with it .
I am now in a refuge so am going to re start it and hope it en powers me.
Have you any support????
I totally get it when you feel like you are going to pop !
Stick with it Hun – proberly not the best person to offer support as I am on a mass rollercoaster at mo
25th January 2016 at 11:48 pm #8347AyannaParticipant
I completed the Freedom Programme when I was in the greatest mess of my life. I was refused counselling and had tried to kill myself. The weekly meetings were the only contact I had to people at that time, apart from the court hearings. I learnt a lot, I found the programme amazing. And meeting women who also went through hell, who were like sisters there, was actually encouraging for me to hang in the mess and carry on. We encouraged one anothere while we all attended this programme.
26th January 2016 at 4:12 pm #8378
sounds like u are the right person to offer advice we can roller coster together, just to know I’m not alone or going mad is a great help
sounds like its something I should try I just have been hiding this for so long it scares me to think about telling people but as you say they have been there they will not judge me for staying so long.
people know he attacked me and was arrested etc it made the local papers so no keeping that quiet but they don’t know the back story of years of abuse the lies, and I have lied said it was the 1st time he has hit me down played it because I’m ashamed embarrassed how could I not know how bad it had really got I really didn’t have clue how bad he was treating me I even considered not pressing charges after the attack, was it really so bad ??this was when I was sat in a police station covered in bruises, with no shoes on because that’s how I managed to get out of the house, he had even dragged me out of the phone box while I was on the phone to the police he tried to drag me home so I could tell them everything was ok when the police got there .. it was the police woman who picked me up in the street who finally got me to see what was happening and that something needed to be done…but still I worry if things hadnt been taken out of my hands where I would be ?? still with him beliving his lies?? ..he was arrested and bailed to a differt address part of his bail conditions where that he couldn’t come home or contact me in any way ..his suspended jail sentence also came with 2 years restraining order again he is not allowed anywhere near me or contact me in any way so in a way it was made easy for me I didn’t have to listen to the sorrys, the its your fault, you made me, how will you cope with out me, how will I cope without you, what about the kids and with my friends support I finaly saw what he was
sorry for my rambling like I said its all coming bubbling out
26th January 2016 at 8:47 pm #8392Tto3Participant
Hi I have done the freedom program. I found it hard at times and it made me aware of a lot more abuse I had made my normal. Just as important as the information where the people I met. Because it brought up stuff I blocked out of i did end up having some counselling and some CBT. It was very tough at the times but I am now so pleased I did it. When he does stuff now I identify o that’s the charmer o here is the bully etc it helps me cope. He is what he is and will never change it helps me box if off and cope. I think it was quite cathartic in a way
Go for it I say.
26th January 2016 at 9:18 pm #8396AyannaParticipant
Ellen b, I know what you are talking about. I went through similar scenarios. It is called Stockholm Syndrome. You will need a while to recover from it. I read a lot of psychology now in order to understand what happened. These things go deep. They start in our childhood or even before. The police helped me too. Otherwise I would be six feet under by now.
Try to do the Freedom Programme. If it is too hard you just talk about it. Everyone will understand. The women there are all in the same boat. We are conditioned to tolerate abuse. There is a war on women in this world. The men try to keep us down. Did you know that in the beginning of human history women ruled? That is the greatest fear of men, that we become more powerful than them again. The court systems are all male dominated and let male abusers off the hook lightly.
28th January 2016 at 3:15 pm #8518
well iv had a nightmare day at work someone upset me completely unreleated and the flood gates opened luckily in the break room with a close colleague who knew some of the history I told her I wasn’t coping very well about the flash backs and panic attacks even that it wasn’t the first time he had hit me she said she had an idea it wasn’t but didn’t want to push the point, well its done some good iv just got off the fone with the agengy who the police put me in contact with after the attack and iv asked for help they are sorting me some 1 to 1 and put my name down for the freedom program I was on the fone for a good half hour iv finaly realised I cant keep this bottled up any more.
thank you to the ladies on here who have started me on this path
30th January 2016 at 8:46 am #8618vodkamonster23Participant
Ive done the programme for 3 plus years going back each time things got hard to remind myself of my Abusers tactics ive also done the new triple RRR programme I can honestly say I think I woikd still be living my life with my abuser if I hadnt come across this group it’s amazing and ive met some Brillant people and made some long life friends.
31st January 2016 at 5:32 pm #8724martian29Participant
Hi ellen B, sounds like you have had a really rough time, so glad for you that you away from all that now and hope your future is much brighter.
I attended the freedom programme not long after leaving my perpetrator and found it extremely hard to deal with. Discovering how abusive he had been to me and reliving things was so hard. He fitted almost all the aspects of an abusive man in the ‘Living With The Dominator book’, except physical violence. I spent the end of every session in floods of tears and could barely take anything in. I did meet some lovely courageous women who were so willing to support each other.
I would definitely recommend the Freedom Programme but will warn it can be painful if you go on it too soon without having any additional counselling or support. XX
31st January 2016 at 5:42 pm #8727Winterblues2Participant
I am on it at the moment. Although I thought I was emotionally very well recovered it has really pulled the rug from underneath me. It’s really helping to reaffirm that he was very abusive but it’s opening a lot of old wounds.
As suggested above try and make sure you have additional support if you go for it x
1st February 2016 at 5:47 pm #8814ChatterboxParticipant
Martian 29..I like your post about The Freedom Programme. Its so true that it can be painful exposing yourself to discussion like that. I cried the first time I went because I suddenly realisedI wasn’t going mad or imagining the abuse. Re- living the abuse can be traumatic and many women struggle to come to terms with what has happened to them. However (as Im sure you will agree) eventually that same discussion will provide a woman with strength and the knowledge that she is not alone, making for a much more informed decision about relationships in the future. The book Living With The Dominator has to be one of the most illuminating books ever written…and I would encourage any woman who has not yet read it to get hold of a copy. Its the Survivor’s Handbook !!
1st February 2016 at 6:18 pm #8824SuntreeParticipant
Did the freedom program, it was hard going but worth it.
I still have the book and refer to it when I need to.
It has taken me a long time and I am still learning what is “normal” and what is not. My reality was completely backwards.
Without it I doubt if I would be as healthy as I am now.
2nd February 2016 at 6:48 pm #8902
Thank you for your replies
I feel better and worse now iv started this journey of not burying my feeling and working through them iv got a support worker sorted and hopefully some councilling soon I just wish I’d done it sooner but things take time
Take care x
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