19th June 2021 at 2:38 pm #127373
I have one friend. I am keeping my distance so noy to overload her. I dont trust.. so dont make friends easily . My husband did not approve of my friend and her husband. My mother never liked my friends.
Starting out on your own at (detail removed by Moderator) is crazy. But when the abhorrent became normal, I knew something was nnot right within me.
19th June 2021 at 3:41 pm #127377EggshellsParticipant
Wow! You amazing lady.
Starting out on your own at any age is awesome, not crazy. I’m a late leaver too and really looking forward to the rest of my life! I’ve never felt like that before.
It is hard to know how much is too much for your friends. I had an honest conversation with some of my friends who said that they didn’t really want to know so much detail. I remained friends with them but on a more superficial level.
I was very lucky. I have an amazing sister and one really wonderful friend who have been incredibly supportive. They haven’t been scared of the truth of what happened to me and have supported me every step of the way.
Are you able to have that conversation with your friend? That way you will know how much you can lean on her without loosing her.
You will make new friends, although I agree that is hard if you struggle with trust. And repeated lockdowns don’t help with meeting new people. Take it slowly. If you stick with the forum for a while you may develop virtual friendships with other ladies on the forum, which are genuine, honest friendships based on mutual understanding and caring.
You won’t overload us. If individual ladies feel overloaded we can duck out of the forum for a while, but there will always be ladies here to listen and support you.
As time passes and you become more confident you will start to change. I have found – much to my surprise – that where I used to attract narcs, I now repel them! I’m delighted. I’m going to be honest, that came from the forum. A lady called Darcy taught me about self love. It’s still a work in progress for me but already I feel so much more positive and so much less lonely. I’m giving out vibes of confidence and self love that are unattractive to abusers. I can really recommend it. xx
19th June 2021 at 4:20 pm #127383
Eggs shells your post was very uplifting. I have know my friend since we were (detail removed by Moderator). Been through ups and downs and stayed loyal, she says she feels more like my sister. I know she is a sensitive soul though. This is my second marriage break up due to dominating,controlling, abusive men.
I dont think I ever healed from the first, too busy dodging the bullets and living for my chikdren. The gaslighting allerted me this time.
19th June 2021 at 4:58 pm #127384EggshellsParticipant
You could be right about not healing from the first abusive relationship.
You have the opportunity now to take time for you and start to mend properly.
Do you have a good relationship with any if your children?
20th June 2021 at 6:45 am #127405
I thought I had a good relationship with them but they dont want to know. Don’t want the invasion into their lives. They have been here before with me as children and it is bringing up memories and they dont want it .
I have always strived to be there for them with my limited support due to my anxiety, yet they cant see that. I feel abandoned right now. My daughter who I have been there for is having similar problems shall we say but isnt ready to see the light. Her father has done a lot of damage and continues to with his lack of concern for her wellbeing well into her adult life. I feel I have been surviving and so had she and we supported each other but she is on overload fromher own situation.
29th June 2021 at 9:32 pm #127953CamelParticipant
Your mother didn’t like your friends. Your husband didn’t like your friends…so you stopped trying. Instead of seeing this as ‘starting again’ why not see it as ‘starting’? There’s every chance it will be fabulous!
I think we need to understand what friendship is. It’s a two-way thing. It’s as much about us as it’s about them. It’s hard to be a friend to someone else if we think we’re unlikable. Neither will they stay friends with us if it’s all gloom and no joy. Friends can’t fix things for us or change our past and it’s unfair of us to expect them to. Seek counselling and practical support from the professionals and nurture new friendships for the good stuff. It’s not dishonest to keep your background to yourself, to reinvent yourself, to look happy and positive. As the saying goes, fake it til you make it.
30th June 2021 at 10:24 am #127978
Thank you Camel for your reply. Sound advise.
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