What a courageous step! So well done!
You are bound to him by severe trauma, that’s why you feel like that.
It is normal. You cannot imagine how devastated and bad I felt when I called the police for the first time when he launched a life threatening attack on me. I thought more about him than about my own life. This is what abuse does to us. Your thinking will change when you are out for a while.
You do not betray anybody. You do what is right for you and you know this.
Take good care of yourself! Always put yourself first! x*x