Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #140610
      Weakasakitten
      Participant

      It’s took me a long time to even look or get help, I’m so low at the moment struggling with life in general.
      I’m (detail removed by moderator) and been with my husband (detail removed by moderator) married for (detail removed by moderator) this year. Got a (detail removed by moderator) son together we bought our first house together in (detail removed by moderator) I ended up getting a mortgage as he couldn’t get one but when we sold the house in (detail removed by moderator) we made good profit and get the next mortgage in joint names I’ve always paid money from my bank account contributing to bills, he’s always earnt more money as he’s got his own business

      He’s always been very moody , controlling, bullying, serious anger problems.
      When I look back on our first meeting there’s always been problems in our relationship but as you do you keep forgiving, from moving in together he’s always shouted at me made me feel rubbish no good, he’s punched doors in our old house swearing at me in my face threatening to hit me , doesn’t like me sticking up for myself or saying anything back saying I’m causing all this as and I’ve got (detail removed by moderator), he once dragged me out of bed in a heated argument shouting at me.
      A few years ago I got myself into debt and found it hard to tell him obviously wasn’t happy but stood by me my parents help me out but my husband help me pay them back, anyway was all sorted now.
      It’s been like this for the last years never had a normal relationship, just before Covid I went (detail removed by moderator) with my family took my son but my husband didn’t want to go and stayed at home I’ve been (detail removed by moderator) for years but the last of the holiday I had a bad accident (detail removed by moderator) we I ended up in a (detail removed by moderator) cos I’d (detail removed by moderator) I didn’t want to ring him to let him no what happened as I knew he’d be mad with me so wasn’t gonna get any sympathy I arrived home and needed to go to A and E I stood in (detail removed by moderator) asking for someone to take me to hospital he never offered also he never came and help me out of the car have me a kiss he’s never been affectionate so my father took me after we travelled all day . He was awful with me I couldn’t go much he never help I had to get to hospital for (detail removed by moderator) I got a taxi he never offered. He told me that it wasn’t happy that I had the accident and how it will affect doing things.
      He only things he works (detail removed by moderator) I work (detail removed by moderator) hours a week I do everything in the household and got a big garden I maintain everything outside he doesn’t do anything other than his job but he always tell me he works harder than me.
      Through out lockdown we was struggling being nasty walking on egg shells all the time can’t say anything I get everything thrown back in my face he says I dot do anything I’m always laid on sofa or on my phone it drives me mad feeling on edge.
      Last (detail removed by moderator) I’d had enough sick of the egg shell walking swearing in my face I asked him We wasn’t getting on and thought it would be better to divorce well he certainly wasn’t happy and said that I haven’t contributed to anything maybe (detail removed by moderator) I said well I’ll get advise he said there’s no need as well sort it out but obviously we’ve got a business together in both names if I think im gonna get half to house I can get ready he says I can see where this is going and it’s gonna get messy he would mAke my life hell I think he’d rather kill me than see me get anything this is what I’m worried bout maybe if it was easier would have left a long time ago. He had relationship previous to me which he ended up in prison as his EX (detail removed by moderator) do caused lots of trouble he got done for (detail removed by moderator), about what I said basically said if about wen he was doin (detail removed by moderator) want happy in what I said he launched himself at me (detail removed by moderator) with both hands round my neck saying I’m gonna f*****g kill you I struggled but managed to get him of me my dog was goin mad, I got up to move away he (detail removed by moderator) swearing at me pushed me against the (detail removed by moderator) I was shaking crying shouting get away from me I ran upstairs away from him after 5 mins he came upstairs saying how sorry he was and it shouldn’t have happened I shouted get away yr frightening me he eventually went down stairs , I (detail removed by moderator). I didn’t speak for days he was trying to talk saying how sorry he was leave notes bought me a bunch of flowers. I said to him after a few days I can’t be with anyone like this you make frightened you need anger management he said yes I know I’ll get help , so he contacted GP they gave him counselling numbers and put him on (detail removed by moderator) he started medication and after 3 wks he really changed sempt happy and consent no stress or moods it was amazing . But I found out (detail removed by moderator) ago he’s stopped taking it due to problems with (detail removed by moderator)?? Side effect to tablets he never told me I found out as I could tell his behaviour was goin bk to how he was before so ever since then I feel I’m on edge shin as he’s being really moody nasty having a go at me all the time Sorry for all the mumbling I’m so upset no knowing what to do. My son is getting fed up of hearing is argue he never comes down anymore

      Help what do I do would I be happier on my own

    • #140619
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Your husband sounds very dangerous and I worry he will do much more harm to you. Him strangling you is a dangerous red flag. Can you talk to a trusted GP? I saw a female GP and she helped Me by putting me in touch with agencies who could help. Also, your local womans aid or womans refuge?

      I have been where you are and it is frightening, my estranged husband is a high earner (own business too, we also have a joint mortgage), as he had controlled and hid finances (I go to food banks at the moment as I do not have enough money to feed us all atm) and I am happier now (and my children) we are calmer and that walking on eggshell feeling has left our home now we are some months into separation (it took me 3 attempts and once I had support it was much easier).

      Keep posting ❤

    • #140621
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Hey sweetie you sound in a really bad place you have been so brave to reach out on here we all understand what you are going through.
      I think you really do need to try and take that bravery and reach ojt a little further get yourself some help and advice. Your GP a family member a friend even womans aid but i think you really do need to get some help with this he sounds like a very dangerous man and you shouldnt have to live this way.
      Have a read through posts on here find strength in others here who have been through what you are going through now you are not alone here.
      You deserve to live your life free from this mans abuse you need to believe in that.

    • #140647
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hello – I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. The abuse you describe will place you as high risk. Services and support are available. I read your occupation before removed but had to read and run due to similar work! At my workplace they have an IDVA – look on the intranet or ask line manger ? My ex escalated when he could see he was losing control it was high risk IDVA social services and police supported us to flee. Leaving is the most dangerous time you can do this and you will be ok but get support to do it safely. In my experience they don’t change just pretend to but the mask really comes off when they sense you getting stronger. Take care keep your phone charged and call police if you ever need – you deserve safety and freedom and calm x*x

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content