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I had never heard of future faking.
A lady I follow on social media has just been through a breakup with a abuser and used this term.
It got me thinking.
Is this what’s happening to me ?
He’s got money saved
Says he’s going to buy a house
It’s been more than (detail removed by moderator) years
Nothing happens just it’s not the right time and heading for recession or excuse or another reason
I’d this what’s happening
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Hello Chocolatebunnie,
Making false promises or ‘future faking’, is a really common tactic of manipulation in abusive relationships. It can encourage us to remain in an abusive and painful situation due to the hope of potential change that it creates. It can lead us to make decisions from a ‘what if’ or ‘just in case’ mindset, and we make choices based on the fantasy of possibility, rather than the reality of our experience.
I’m sure a lot of other users will be able to relate to this, thank you for sharing.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Thanks Lisa
He does this a lot, looking for a new car, gets me looking, then decides it’s not a good idea. Same with holidays and other things too.
I already knew this as lovebombing, but future faking made me realise he’s possibly never going to buy the house, but while we wait he has control of when and if it happens.
He also remains in control of the savings, deposit for the house. I don’t know where it’s kept, I know it’s tens of thousands and don’t know the exact amount. I know he moved it to a secret account when we separated.
Promises made but?
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Highly likely!
Mine used to say we’d buy a house, but never came to any money related appointments, would find crazily stupid faults for every house we viewed, would decide minutes before viewings that we didn’t get on enough to buy a house then expect me to cancel the appointment then gaslight me when he got home saying he hadn’t meant that. I stopped house hunting and started noticing he was doing similar to my eldest, encouraging them to look online at houses then toying with them. So glad we didn’t buy!
But he’d do it with other things too – holidays, marriage, retirement plans, even smaller things like days out or meals he was going to cook. He’d get me to look up gifts for birthdays or Christmas, get excited, encourage me to look at more expensive items, make promises then get me nothing with crazy excuses or rants about how bad whatever it was is. It’s all a sick game to keep us hooked.
But, it’s a very good step that you’re recognising this, as much as it hurts, it helps the fog lift x
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My ex did exactly the same all game playing. He wanted to get engaged but said not marry me ….few months down the line it changed to marriage. I had rental house viewings well talk of it…. saying I should look for houses as he’s busy at work but yet he’d time to look at (detail removed by moderator) in his dinner hour….no real interest. Then when I’d found some he had to fill the paperwork in as he were going to be renting… he would say he’s busy then make excuses about the money to put down…..but a family member offered to pay this so I knew it were all to keep me hooked he wanted someone to look after him and basically take him on and all that came with him….it went in a few years dangling a Carrott until I left x*x
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Mine would carry on about old age and being there when we were old. I did not think that that was good future and could not put up with the stuff that was going on for that long.
After a while he dropped as much future faking but clearly carried on love bombing. Never experienced it since and really it was over the top.
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Oh my gosh Mine too…. it’s one of the reasons I remained for so many b****y years… future faking using a better property, all monies saves in his account and I am talking over a decade of future faking.. even taking kids out to view these obviously over priced properties… if I challenged him he would blow up at me, I have no faith in him, why does he bother, why don’t I do more to make it happen, what did I even do whilst he slaved… the list went on.and on until I learned it was easier not to challenge.. until the end when.i finally separated… phew! I do not miss the future faking.. he did it over holidays and other stuff..wow..
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