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Hello
Gaslighting is often found to be used in cases of domestic abuse, especially as a means to control a person. It is a form of psychological manipulation – telling a person things that makes them doubt their own sanity, memory or experiences. The ultimate goal of the abuser is to make their victim second guess their every choice, making them more dependent on the abuser. Common phrases are: ‘you’re paranoid’, ‘you’re crazy’ or ‘you need help.’
We want to raise awareness of gaslighting during 16 Days of Action in November on our social media channels, as we believe sharing some of the phrases and words victims of gaslighting have heard will help others identify it in their own relationships.
Have you been a victim of gaslighting? What things were said to you? Please share your experiences below – we may use some of the phrases in our social media campaign, but it will always be anonymously.
If you’d like to share here but not have them used anywhere else, please let us know in your post or a private message to Lisa.
Best wishes
Lisa
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Here’s some for my contribution:
“That’s not how I remember it’
“you see things that aren’t there”
“That didn’t happen”
“You’re losing it”
“God, why can’t you just take joke!”
“Why have you got overreact to everything?!”
“This is your fault and you can tell the children thats why I am punishing them because of what you did and made me do”
“You’ve got no memory”
“I keep telling you but you forget”
“You’re crazy”Making arrangements many times and giving me false information on timings, place, what was happening.
Doing things to my property, like car, and blaming it on others so I would be angry at them for crimes against my property.
Telling me about friends [of mine] that had come onto him.
Using opportunities to look like he was cheating and then accuse of not trusting him and as an excuse to terrorise me over it, like coming home with Chlamydia after a trip away.
Shouting in my face non-sensical words and demanding answers.
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I hear:
Your mental/nuts
You need your head checked
Your delusional
I told you I was going out with work/I told you that.
Can’t you remember anything
Don’t turn this back on me.
Your crazy like your family.
It has to be you who moved it it wasn’t me.
God I’m only joking, why can’t you take a joke.
Your over sensitive. -
Oh my gosh. They all use the same things…..
“I tried to tell you four times but you just wouldn’t listen”
“You’re too sensitive”
“It was a joke”
“It was an accident”
“You’re delusional”
“You’re the one with the mental illness not me”
if you told me where you were going I wouldn’t have to keep asking our son where’s mum.
That never happened.
Well you married me didn’t you. -
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– You’re crazy, just like your sister
– That’s not what happened. How can you even remember things when you said depression affects your memory?!
– You’re making things up again
– I didn’t say that
– I didn’t hit you, I didn’t even touch you (even after he saw the bruises on my arm)
– I didn’t text that woman, I don’t know who did (after I found some texts on his phone and confronted him)
– You need to go back to therapy because you’re delusional
– Normal women wouldn’t get mad at that
– I don’t have to deal with a crazy, sick person like you
– I saw you flirting with that guy
– My friend XXXX told me that he knows you and your friends from uni and says all of you like to sleep around, he even says that he slept with you (turns out his friend never said that and of course he didn’t know me or my friends)
– If I’m such a bad man why don’t you just leave me
– If you still think I’m an abuser then something must be very wrong with you because you keep talking to me… See I didn’t abuse you at all! (after we broke up)
– You’re just making stuff up because you cannot deal with the fact that you are a lousy partnerI also remember this one episode where I was applying for a driving licence and he hid my all my documents. I couldn’t find them anywhere! Asked him… He said he hadn’t seen them. He was so jealous that I finally had the money to buy my first car that the only way to stop me from buying it was preventing me from getting my driving licence! Three months later my documents were on top of my desk. How crazy is that!
A couple of months later his car got stolen and he blamed me: If you hadn’t taken so long doing your hair my car wouldn’t have gotten stolen
It makes me sick just to think about him!
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Your crazy like your mother (my mum was ill most of her life and he new that hurt me deeply)
look at her she’s gorgeous and I’m stuck with you
you have bad breath no one else would have you!
this one is horribe;I had just lost my grandmother who was very dear to me, he said to me in an arguement oh well think of your grandmother now as she’s rotting in the ground. I know awful.
your fat your a cripple. You will never get there in life because your stupid. Your a cripple was often used once I was diagnosed with a chronic condition. -
You promised to clean the house while I was at work, why haven’t you done it! I wouldn’t get so angry if you did what you promised to do. (I hadn’t promised anything, but he sounds so confident that I start to question if I might have.)
It is so difficult for me, you never remember anything. You never remember the nice things I do for you, only the bad things. (I don’t remember the “nice things” because they didn’t happen)
I think you should do brain training to improve your memory, you never remember anything correctly.
I think you should see a doctor about your memory.
Even your sister says that you wear clothes that are too revealing and that I have better taste than you.
Your Mum agrees that you aren’t coping with your new job and you should consider giving it up.
It is not just me, your friend told me she finds your laugh really irritating.
Everyone thinks you talk too much, I am just telling you because I love you and I want you to stop so you don’t lose friends.
(None of these people have ever discussed any of these things with him)
We’ve discussed this before, and you agreed with me. (We have never discussed this before and I do not agree with him)
We wouldn’t argue so much if you could remember things.
As it turned out, that last one was true. Once I started writing stuff down so I could remember it we did stop arguing. I realised that he had been lying to me for years and I left. I have not spoken to him since.
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My ex used to call me a psychopath, just like the rest of my family, that he didn’t say the things he said, that I was abusing him when I called him what he’d called me many times. I was the one with all the problems, I couldn’t face ‘The Truth’, I was c**p at sex, that he needed to see a therapist because of me… On and on and on. He also told me that he had the right to criticise me and complain about me (this right wasn’t mutual). It was my fault when anything went wrong. It was my fault that he couldn’t study, my fault that not enough money was coming into the house…
There were certainly times when it got to me. Often I was just confused.
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“I need to do x where did you put the paperwork?” I often had no idea what he was talking about but he always insisted I’d moved it or lost it. Then I’d get the “remember we went through it last week. ” I didnt. Then the threats if we (ie me!) didn’t find it soon there would be consequences. I lost count of the times I turned his study upside down looking for non existent papers getting more and more worried and confused, or if I did find what he’d asked for and he’d look at me as if I was stupid and said he’d never said that he needed it, what was I on about, that I must have dreamed it.
He also used to ask me for receipts of things he’s bought ages ago insisting he’d given them to me for filing.
Accused me of withdrawing money from joint account but never gave access to statements to see where I’d apparently used the cash point to get the cash.
Told me I’d been seen by a psychiatrist – I hadn’t but I began to believe that maybe I had but was so mentally I’ll I’d forgotten.
There’s so many instances. Sorry I can’t bear to think about all that he did, how he convinced me black was white, up was down and how he was in control of my mind, it scares me, panics me, embarrasses me for my stupidity. -
“My family all think I’m great and so do my friends – your family all love me, too. You’re the odd one out so there’s obviously something wrong with you.” (Detail removed by moderator).
” I did tell you I was going away next week. I told you several times. You must have been on your phone at the time. You never listen to me!”
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The main thing that triggers me to break from gaslighting is the frustration it causes. It drove me to the point of tearing my hair out. I remember as our relationship was grinding to a halt he said living with me was like (detail removed by moderator). We had zero money to do anything because he refused to work!I was accused of having no interests and that was because I was carrying all of the responsibilities. In the end it was the perfect excuse for him to walk out on us. Best thing he ever did. He gaslighted me into staying on the pretense that he was depressed, an excuse for being lazy in reality. X
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Thank you all for sharing your experiences. They demonstrate how this form of psychological abuse can be used by an abuser, with devastating consequences. Gaslighting can be very difficult to recognise, because it can be so subtle and the effect it has builds gradually over time; so please try not to be hard on yourself if you didn’t see it happening.
As mentioned above, many of the phrases used are very similar, so are unlikely to be identifying on this public forum. However just a reminder to please try to avoid posting anything that is particularly specific to you or that could make you recognisable on here. Thank you.
Please continue to post on this topic, it’s extremely valuable to have your input.
Lisa
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You are so right about gaslighting being hard to recognise. As it is often so much easier to solve someone else’s problems, it is infinitely harder to see what is going on under our own noses. For decades I suspected that things had gone on in my ex’s former family. I sensed that something was wrong and that’s why we had no contact. Not once did I think, oh, that’s what’s happening to me. Until I did. It’s a shocker! He told me unequivocally that I was the problem and it was me who came to the relationship with mental health issues. At the time I thought he was right, after a fashion. I didn’t realise until much later that my mental health problems were not of my making but a response to things that were happening around me.
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I wouldn’t get so angry if you gave me more sex.
You’re frigid
You have a low libido
You moved that table
You deleted me from facebook
(Often rages from nowhere. Even waking me in the middle of the night raging over me about some inconsequential thing I probably hadn’t even done. Utterly terrified and confused)
Your boss fancies you -
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Hi TS, my husband always says im so naive, too trusting. Other men see me coming a mile of, they’d be in my knickers in a minute., if he wasn’t there to protect me
You dont know what you do when you’re drunk, (yet he’s the one who made me drink more than i was happy to as we’d put a kitty in, (and he didn’t drink), so to make sure we got our moneys worth!)when in company)you’d go with anyone.
You flirt with any and everyone.
Now he says he wont take me anywhere as he can’t trust me, yet i no longer drink(my choice really, but years of nagging me to stop didnt help) but, accuses me of not wanting to do anything with him??
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Making his and my friends think I’m crazy l*****c
Told me a new car I was going to buy would be far too powerful for me, it would be dangerous 🤔 (so I didn’t buy it!!!)
Instrumental in negative attention at work, I resigned due to his actions.
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Hi @TS, i got that too with regards to the car being too powerful, from the salesman as well as him. And i accepted it, cos they’re men and are only looking out fir me.
I’m driving a very powerful car now, top of the range in the model, i drive it easily and carefully, so what’s the problem. I picked this car when he wasnt with me, same salesman, never mentioned this one would be too powerful, yet its a better model than the one i was told would be too powerful, ie this one IS more powerful. My oh hates it, and you know what happens, you end up hating it too. Why, cos you know you won’t have it fir longing longer. He keeps threatening to return it if i bring up leaving. Which tbh wouldnt bother me in the slightest. It’s only a car. A very nice one, but still only a car. I think men get more attached to cars than we do.😄
Hope all’s well with you. Not saw you on for a while. 💜
IWMB 💕💕
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All I am asking for is a bit of support with X, why won’t you help me? (After I have been left totally drained from keeping up with his demands )
You have an obsession with money! (Whenever I ask when he is going to repay some of the money he has borrowed , which is all of my savings and now I am in constant debt)
I am not on drugs, you need to stop making these false accusations (whilst his behaviour and appearance without doubt say otherwise and have usually caught him red handed just days before) -
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“Everything I do for you and you cant even support me” (He never helped me in anyway), Constantly putting me down by comments such as “how did I end up with you” “don’t stand close to anyone your breath stinks” Telling me various body parts were disgusting eg “why do your thighs look like that”, When I would say things he had done or said he would say “your exaggerating” “your a liar” “all you care about is yourself and what you look like”. Constantly accuse me of looking at men if we were in the car and scream that he could “see me looking in the mirror” .I was “c**p in bed” if I went on a rare evening out he would ring saying his “friend” had rang him as he had seen me flirting with someone.
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There must be a manual out there that they all use.
Ive had times when i REALLY thought I was going crazy. Its not as frequent now, he can’t hide behind me taking meds as i no longer use them, but there are still some instances, particularly when hes looking for something in and amongst the clutter he has created.
Usually he’ll speak in the third party and say something like, your mums moved such and such. I try and ignore as i know i dont move anything of his, as its created so many arguments in the past. But he goes on and on and on, till i say as calmly and quietly i havent moved your stuff, if you look a bit longer it’ll turn up. It either does, or he’ll find it days, months later.I lost something (detail removed by moderator), spent weeks trying to find it, even advertised on SM. Decided to tidy up my living room so moved paperwork and stuff from his side of the couch and guess what my item was inbetween layers of paperwork. I even plucked up the courage to tell him I’d lost it and the strangest thing was he never lost his temper or anything. It was in that moment (that a lot of me losing or misplacing stuff)i realised everything was down to him. Even finding my car keys in the weirdest of places and trying to make me think i was putting them in the freezer, coat pockets (of jackets i wasnt even wearing).
Flat out denying he’d said or done anything when i knew he had, then denying he’d denied it in the first place.
Even tried to say we didnt have sex when we did.
T
There are many times hes asked me to get something but Ive learned to switch off a lot so there are probably times where he has asked or said something and i really really havent heard him because i just hear white noise
We had a great adventurous sex life in the beginning. Now im frigid or needi g a 3some, he can get me someone else so long as he can watch. Or the classic, if im not getting it someone else must be.
If you dont I’ll need to go elsewhere -
Wow this one rings many bells! Expecting you to find something of his and proto. The one I remember was misplacing his cigarettes the cravings for them when he couldn’t find them was the excuse to explode. One time he made me empty the whole wheel bin to find them standing over me. It was very degrading xx
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Yes. They tell you a thing and then ‘I never said that…’ is a common one.
Lying about ‘bad childhood’ and then get you all sympathetic…Turns out totally spoilt , a mama’s boy and had a wonderful time.
Told me his family would not pay for his grant and so was very poor at College to get my sympathy. Years later his Mum told me she got a job to pay his fees and living expenses!
Lying about and separating you from your own family
At period of me having depression due to his ill treatment:
Said my brother is ‘up to something, I am going to hire a private detective get him followed..’ ( my brother is very dependable/ boring !). I was really panicked and horrified as I was ill.
This was at the end of a long period of saying how horrible my brother was and all the wicked things he had done ( hadn’t at all).
Told me he had had an affair.
I now realise this was probably a lie and said to hurt me.
Going around telling people lies- you have done x or y so you wonder why people treat you with contempt.
Telling you things people had said about you that they really have not. -
Another one….
He always referred to my life plan dilemma – life with kids vs no kids
He shared the discussion we’d had widely in detail with many people . I always struggled to recall having it but he was so believable with details of where we were when we talked about it “don’t you remember afterwards we went to…..” “you remember we went away to that new place and after doing x we talked”
He even referred back to it during divorce.
I didn’t ever recall the discussion, the statements I made or the life plan we’d discussed because it never happened.
And even now years on I try to remember the detail of that weekend away (we did go away I’m absolutely sure of that!!) but no where in my memory can I fit that part into that 2-3 day break.
I think he said it so often he thought it was true. He once said to me of you’re ever going to lie make sure you believe the lie. -
Some gems from my ex:
“You’re remembering it wrong”
“I think you’re bipolar”
“You’re crazy”
“Why let the facts ruin a good story” Aka I’m lying but making you think you are.
“You’re doing it again” aka you’re saying something true I don’t like so I am going to tell you you’re starting yet another “fight”
“I never said that”
“You said x y z”
“I didn’t do x y z”
“You did x g z” -
I am amazed at how much similarity and overlap there is. There isn’t much to add that wouldn’t identify me so here are just some of the general ones…
You are irrational, delusional, you have mental health problems, you need help, you are out of your mind/not of sound mind, , you can’t/won’t cope, you break down, you are hysterical, you are lying to yourself, you don’t know the truth….just the classic stuff really! -
Ambient gaslighting, removing things which then turn up in very strange places. Items bank cards, keys, almost anything essential.
Going on holiday coming back and realizing someone had been through all personal stuff papers etc
Bank statements going missing jewellery that I had had for years. Response you’re always losing things.
Telling family that I had said horrible things about them and mutual friends none of it true.
Ran my brother down to me, he’s not good at his job his wife would divorce him if it weren’t for the kids yet quite happy to go to concerts my brother had bought tickets for, never reciprocated.
Found blue pills had growing suspicions he was having an affair told he was looking after the pills for friend.
Applied for an extra credit in my name on his account. Company rang him he started giving them my details when I asked why he said they had sent him his new card but no pin. Found the letter where he’d left it with the new card attached it was in my name. I was already in debt and had my own credit card with same company. More sinister was that this was a contactless card. When asked about it he started talking gobbeldy g**k.
By far the most upsetting was the disappearance of things and feeling that anything could go at any time and did. I carried a handbag around with me with everything in it.
Told my family that I was the one abusing him and that I had spent thousands on myself to the detriment of my children this all to explain the debt I was in and why I had a breakdown. When I was given diagnosis of bipolar he was even more vindictive and reminded me at every opportunity of my brother who died. I could go on. He was always the long suffering partner. -
You’re too sensitive
You’re too needy
You only hear what you want to hear
You’re paranoid
You’ll never find someone else to put up with you
You’re mental; twisted; sick
You’re jealous
You’re always right / you’re never wrongAt the time I remember feeling that sometimes what he said just didn’t belong to me – but he said these things so often he did get me to doubt myself a lot and for a long time, usually when what he said resonated with my inner child – which was not who I was anymore; nowadays I see the gaslighting for what it was.
The straw that broke the camels back for me was when I started to think ‘am I going insane?’ I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t anymore. This scared me so much that I was able to assert myself and get him to leave, because it was my house. Didn’t know then how much worse it would get after this, I naively thought thank goodness it’s over at that time, years on and I see I’ve been dealing with a rejected, wounded and out of control n********t hell bent on taking me down.
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Thank you all for sharing your experiences. They demonstrate how this form of psychological abuse can be used by an abuser, with devastating consequences. Gaslighting can be very difficult to recognise, because it can be so subtle and the effect it has builds gradually over time; so please try not to be hard on yourself if you didn’t see it happening.
As mentioned above, many of the phrases used are very similar, so are unlikely to be identifying on this public forum. However just a reminder to please try to avoid posting anything that is particularly specific to you or that could make you recognisable on here. Thank you.
Please continue to post on this topic, it’s extremely valuable to have your input.
Lisa
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Just to add as I have only just seen this post, my experiences below:
‘This is why no one likes you’ – I often felt this was true
‘Everyone knows you are mad’ – I really did question/ed my own sanity
‘Everyone thinks you are a liar’
‘You are controlling me not the other way round’
‘I did tell you where I was going, you didn’t listen’
‘You abuse are kids, not me’
‘When the kids are old enough I will tell them what type of woman you are and they will hate you like everyone else’
‘That didn’t happen, I had to restrain you and calm you down with force’ – I started to feel like I was the one who had it all wrong, after physical violence I would be left thinking have I blacked out, did it not happen how I remembered? Was I the violent one.
‘You use the kids as a weapon against me its all about control for you’
‘I love you too much to see others judge you about how you treat me’
‘No one else will want you with the children’
‘I am only with you because I have to be for the children’
‘If you was a real woman, I wouldn’t need to get angry and frustrated with you’Just a few of the phrases that I heard for many many years and still hear. I wasn’t aware of the term ‘gas-lighting’ until a DV police officer spoke with me. For me personally the manipulation and the second guessing myself has been tough to overcome. I am still struggling with it all now, as everything is of course my fault. The entire breakdown of our family, the kids living without their father and I have made up a fictional story about the relationship and the events that happened/continue to happen. Despite all the physical photographic evidence, text messages, emails and reports to the police.
Sending love and light to everyone x
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Its you that’s abusive not me
Lighten up for once, can’t you take a joke?
You’re too serious all the time, everyone agrees with me
You don’t remember things correctly
I didn’t say that, you did
You should try listening in future, then you wouldn’t get things wrong
You need to go to the Drs, clearly you’re not wired right
I thought you’d done the housework; doesn’t look like you’ve done a thing, are you sure you did it?
That’s typical you, turning things around on me
You don’t want to go there, or do you want to go because you want to be around other men?
You need me, you can’t live without me and you know that deep down. You are nothing without me.
Wives are supposed to look after their husbands; shows what a s**t wife you are, you can’t do anything right can you – everyone says how I deserve better. -
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My ex used mostly psychological abuse and it seems that gaslighting was one of his favourite techniques. He started it right after our first date but at the time I wrote it off as something else. Examples of things he did include:
– He ridiculed and shamed me after we slept together for the first time implying I was this hyper sexual nymphomaniac when it was him that had very much seduced me by putting on music and acting like some kind of smooth Casanova. The next time I saw him he acted like this feminist man saying how sex is just natural and that women have nothing to be ashamed of. It was so confusing and I kept questioning my memory of the night believing him and doubting myself.
– One evening he spent two hours shouting at me because I’d asked a question he didn’t like. He got increasingly energised and looked like he was really enjoying shouting at me. Then he raised his hand and threatened me. Later on when I brought it up he said that I’d imagined the whole thing due to a mental health condition I supposedly had and that he ‘just wanted to help me.’
– I found something under his bed that must have belonged to a woman he was sleeping with (I fear there were many) and he said it belonged to his mother and made up this odd story about how it got under his bed (pathological lying combined with gaslighting).
– Once we went on a day trip to the countryside and he suggested I do one activity whilst he did another and we’d meet at the end. He told me my activity would only last a certain amount of time. I ended up very nearly getting trapped in the countryside in the mist and pitch black. I had to run in non-running clothes and the wrong footwear for over an hour to get back before dark otherwise I would have been really trapped and lost in the dark and wilderness! I didn’t see a single soul and he’d told me there would be loads of people. I was so scared and really confused. I am certain he knew the activity would take triple the amount of time he told me and did it on purpose to scare me and was secretly hoping I would be trapped in the dark in the middle of nowhere. I think he was annoyed that I actually got back much sooner than he thought due to running the whole way round. I LOVE how much he underestimated me. 😀
– Once he went into a room in my house and broke something and then when I asked about it he said he hadn’t been in that room and made out how strange it was that this thing was broken (it was only me and him in the house)
These are all I can think of at the moment but there will probably be more examples as I think he did it constantly. It’s hard even now to know all of his lies and gaslighting because he lied so much it’s very hard to know how much of it was true.
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I’m just thinking that he did another type of gaslighting which was slower and took place over months. For example:
– When I first met him he seemed like this cute geeky country-walk loving educated gentleman. -> By the end I realised I was in a relationship with a violent, thuggish, aggressive misogynist.
– When we met he said I was perfect and kept putting me on a pedestal saying how pretty and wonderful and great I was and how lucky he was to be with me. -> By the end he was scrunching his nose up at me when I stood naked before him and made me feel ugly. He also started mocking what I ate making me feel fat when I was almost underweight due to the stress of all his abuse.
– When we first met he said he liked a certain type of food which is the only kind of food I like so I thought we were a good match in terms of food and lifestyle -> By the end he never ate the type of food he had pretended he liked and always used to eat loads of meat which he knew made me feel sick
– At the beginning he was really romantic and sex was incredible -> By the end he was mostly silent during sex and got angry and shouted at me for moving a centimetre in bed because I was in pain and implied I just needed to lie there and not move.
I guess it was all part of the slow realisation that he was not at all like the person he pretended to be when I met him. It’s scary to think people like him exist (and I know for a fact he was on at least one dating site after I left so he will be doing this to anyone unlucky enough to get fooled by him causing a steady trail of destruction with virtually no consequences for him but trauma and PTSD for anyone he dates).
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Question: once we’ve been in an abusive relationship can we legally let the public know what he is to protect other women from him?
Or are we just to be glad we’ve got away, whenever that happens. Surely we’ve a responsibility to other women in their field of vision. Surely if we live in a war zone, we have to alert others to who the enemy is.🤔
IWMB 💕💕 -
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I don’t think its identifying for me to say I did an article for the media. Everybody now knows what he is. However it made absolutely no difference to his current partner. She actually defended him. Moved him in with her young family. It helped my conscience. He’s not my probabem any more. You can ask a police officer to visit a current partner if you have concerns. They even visited his new partner along with social services etc. Made no difference. She was well and truly hooked by this stage.
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Gaslighting behaviour. After a violent outburst either physically or just a raging emotional assault he would act like nothing out of the ordinary just happened. Leaving me totally confused. Without even saying anything I think this is a form of Gaslighting. Crazy making behaviour. I would be left stunned and emotionally crippled and he would just make a cup of tea or start taking about the weather. Hard to explain but that behaviour left me confused and eventually I resorted to something called reality testing.
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He did that to me @Kip, after he’d knocked me out. Tried to make out I’d actually walked into his fist!! Then did if i hadnt been in his face he wouldn’t have lost it. I was protecting my pet at the time. I could tell by his reaction that he was shocked that he’d done it, that was the worst ive ever seen him. Red faced, veins popping, eyes glossed over. I knew in that moment what the red mist is people talk about. I should have left then instead i ran at him dont you ever do that to me again. Few days later hes actually laughing in my face about it, said he’d told a friend(He did, as friend said we needed to communicate more), 🤣🤣🤣
How do you communicate with someone who won’t listen or jyst keeps repeating, if you dont like it, there’s the door.
He hasn’t lost it like that…yet. But the threat is there, not jyst in my head but with the move to you with hand or fist raised at you. As if, remember the last time.
The doing ordinary stuff as if nothing happened, like making tea, that is so confusing, or worse consoling you. But it shouldn’t be. It’s as plain as the nose on your face, but we sit, take the tea and carry on😪
I tried to explain myself to a police officer recently, but how do you explain feelings and get anything done without making a formal complaint, cos you’re not ready to leave.
There is too many ready excuses out there to cover gaslighting, it’s the time of the month, you’re menopausal, your on antidepressants so you don’t see life the way it really is, you’re crazy like your mother.
But we’re getting there. I got my hair done recently, the hairdresser is a few years out of an abusive relationship too. It just seems it’s everywhere, but the truth is, it always has been, we are just becoming more aware of it and are no look longer prepared to take it. No matter how long it takes each of us to leave, most have already left in their heads, the body just needs to follow when its ready.IWMB 💕💕
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Hello everyone,
It is so sad to hear this.
I have ASD (Asperger’s) and a very good memory.He must have a very bad one, because if I mention something he got furious about he accuses me of making it up, exaggerating or lying.
A power cut was my fault because I was obviously ‘messing around behind the tv again’.
I must have moved his things because they are missing.
He is just joking with me. Don’t take things seriously.
I’m a liar as he’s never called me (Detail removed by Moderator).
I’m too sensitive.
Since my diagnosis he’s added that I take things literally.
I raise my voice.
He’s not angry. He’s not shouting, but he will if I keep saying that.
No he doesn’t break my belongings.
It’s my imagination.These are all the same lazy soundbites he pulls out of his bag of spite as he is unable to conduct himself like a nature human being.
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When you’re ill and they gaslight it’s a whole new ballgame.
“You’re illness is making you paranoid, unreasonable, stupid, forgetful, crazy argumentative.”
“I don’t like your tone of voice, it’s that new medication that’s causing it.”. (That new medication that made me feel better?).
“You can’t be that ill, you haven’t received a hospital appointment in ages.” (He’d been opening my post and binning them).
“Don’t worry that you’ve blacked out again and it looks like your ankle is broken. It Looks like a clean break to me. It will heal itself so we’re not going to the hospital.”(And we didn’t). -
My oh gaslights all the time. The other thing he does is asks a question and then shouts all over me when I try to reply. Now I try not to bother. Whatever I say makes no difference anyway.
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My family have got the measure of you.
Everyone knows you’re a liar
The police told me they are sick of you wasting their time
You have a terrible memory.
I’m getting better and you are trying to jeopardise my recovery
You hit/ bit me
My family hate you
You need to get your mental health issues sorted out. At least in doing something about mine. -
Telling me I’m imagining it when his drinks taste or smell of alcohol
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Its amazing how they all say & do similar things. Recently, while dealing with solicitors he said “(detail removed by moderator)? Also,” (detail removed by moderator)”
I’ve recalled several moments by reading this thread, thanks all. 💕-
Hi @Halfwayout, it’s truly amazing how we forget just how badly we have been treated, natures way of protecting us tbh. I’m the same, I’ve had many, ‘he’s done that to me too’ moments.
IWMB 💕💕
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