Gaslighting myself?

[RelearningMe]

I think I’ve been invalidating my concerns and feelings recently and I guess i could just use a little reassurance of what I’m living through.

 

I’ve found that recently I have been doubting that it was ever like abusively bad in my marriage. We’ve gotten to this sort of quiet place, it still feels like I can’t do anything right or he’s offended by anything I say but he’s not been super critical or mean in a short while. I think he expects me to snap back to super happy and romantic but I’m not even close to there yet. Sometimes I think he’s forgotten everything he said and he never actually realises how he makes me feel  its often overlooked as how I react is the problem, I guess.

 

I keep telling myself that I’m just holding onto it at this point. I need to let go of this hurt and anger that I have. I tell myself a whole host of excuses like “I’ve started my period so it was just p*s, it might be seasonal depression or my regular depression, maybe I’m overthinking, he’s been stressed or slept bad lately, I should be nicer and do more for him”

 

The fact as well that it was only really kinda abusive for like 2 or so months for example out of over 10 years is another reason why I just keep telling myself it’s not that bad. Its just times when hes snapped. Hes admitted he has anger problems in the past. I know that if you could show me recordings of older arguments and issues there’d be some like abusive tendencies throughout most of the relationship, but I write those off so easily due to being young or us both being unmedicated and showing clear mental health issues.

 

I think logically I know it was still bad, especially when I look back through diary entries.

 

Its just it’s so easy to tell myself that because it only happened once, was never physical and hasn’t happened in a long time that it doesn’t really count?

[Wavesripple]

I sort of relate to this, l suffered prolonged emotional abuse a kid. I’ve been in my current relationship decades. It’s never been easy and l think l should have walked away along time ago. But now we seemed to have reached some sort of equilibrium where it’s ok some of the time but l feel very neglected a lot of the time. I can’t work out whether those feelings come from the past or present….or am l minimising things? I don’t know. I don’t know what a person can expect from a relationship. I don’t have many friends l can talk to and I’m confused.

[Karisqq]

I got you, having emotionally abusive parents and studied in a dysfunctional secondary school make me not know how to set boundaries and what healthy relationship is, which makes me keep facing boundary crossing and abuse outside closed relationships as well. Luckily gradually I found that those are unhealthy, and they’re wrong, and gradually learning to deal and cope and heal. It’s tough, and it takes time, but with persistence, you’ll get there.

[Author]

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