- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hi,
As I am more distant from my abusers I am having memories pop up.
My ex- husband one night sat me down and told me that he was homsexual. He cried I comforted him. I felt very upset but I could see how difficult it was for him to be so open. He talked about experiences that he had had with other men and how hard to was to come- out to his family.
I was a bit shaken up by the conversation but I thought it might have explained some of his angry behaviour as he was keeping so much inside. The next day i tried to start a conversation about his “coming out” again and he looked at me like I was really strange- he denied that the conversation had ever taken place. I was so confused as I could clearly remember all he said. We never mentioned It again but I was always convinced that I was married to a gay man and that really hurt me.
I think he was just playing mind games.
I watched Girl on a Train last night and the bit where she finally confronted her ex stood out. She told him “you made me feel worthless and you watched me suffer”. That is what I feel about my abusers now. They both watched me suffer. I am starting to feel angry, now that it’s dawned on me that I was never to blame.
X -
I can 100% relate to the gaslighting. My abusive ex used to do the same. After we slept together for the first time he mocked, laughed at and humiliated me for ‘being so sexual.’ I was so confused, baffled and hurt because prior to this I had only seen his mask. A week later when I brought it up with him he had his mask back on and somehow turned the conversation round to saying sex is a perfectly natural thing and that women have nothing to be ashamed about and acted all kind and reassuring. In hindsight I remember a lot of these conversations. He also used to break something in my house repeatedly then say he hadn’t been near it. It’s incredibly creepy, chilling behaviour.
-
-
I experienced this a lot as well. Every so often my ex would ‘open up’ about something or appear to take responsibility for how things were in the relationship. It always made me feel so relieved and hopeful. I felt like I’d finally reached some emotion deep inside him. Like you I rushed to comfort and help him only to find the next morning he was back to his usual cold, dismissive, angry self completely denying the conversation even happened. Creepy, chilling behaviour is a good description. It was a very effective tactic to keep me hooked into trying to make things better whilst confusing and destabilising me. I can’t understand how someone can lie so completely and easily, it’s bizarre.
-
…I can relate to this post…no doubt most ladies on here can…it’s part of the abusers tool kit. My ex told me about intimate times with women & men…then totally shut down, like he never disclosed a word. In fact he would switch the conversation…so obviously!… or staring into space like blank, until I stopped asking, thinking about him.
He hardly told me anything of any significance, regarding his personal experiences. He also hated me talking about my past, I just should think about him, and us and only what he wanted to come up, insignificant superficial stuff, food, tv, radio, popular news…nothing deep and meaningful…he didn’t have that ability to discuss my feelings…there was a total barrier, SO cruel.
I was disregarded, all the focus had to be on him, even if it was him whinging. He hi jacked it all.
No room for me.Cx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
