5th February 2021 at 6:50 am #121115ConfusionCityParticipant
Hi, I am new to this forum. I have a (removed by moderator) year old sln. My partner has been emotionally abusing me since pregnancy. It took counselling for me to see the pattern. Lots of shouting and criticising and sulking. Accusing me of cheating and hiding things. So it went on. I asked him to leave my house in (removed by moderator). He keeps nearly leaving. He’s buying a house. He’s being super nice now trying to stay together. It’s so confusing. He’s also asling for half custody of my son. I want him to see his Dad often but not as much as that as I want my son to be settled and feel that he has stability and a home.
Any advice welcomed in how to stay sane, how to geal from all of this and how to keep my son safe during all of this. Thanks. xxxx
5th February 2021 at 6:52 am #121116ConfusionCityParticipant
Some typos..! Son.
Asking for half…
And how to heal xx
5th February 2021 at 8:39 am #121121KIP.Participant
Hello and welcome, firstly abusers are liars. Absolutely nothing he says or promises can be relied on. When you say he’s buying a house, how do you know this? If he’s wanting to stay together then why would be be buying a house? Nearly leaving is not leaving and I believe he’s going nowhere unless you make him. He’s stalling. Why would he leave? He’s got a roof over his head and you there to abuse. Have you spoken to the domestic abuse unit at your local police. You need to talk to your local women’s aid or ring the national domestic abuse helpline. Threatening to have your son for half the time is an abuser tactic to threaten and intimidate you. In reality could he even do that with his work commitments etc. It’s his way of saying you do as I tell you or I will have your son when you don’t want me to. He’s going to offer all sorts of things, he will be fishing to see your reactions. To see what he can use against you. Get some free legal advice. Most solicitors will offer a free initial consultation. Rights of Women have a free legal helpline too. You need to decide what you want and stick to it. If you want him out it’s you who needs to take the steps to get him out. Decide what you want. Write it down and get your plan in motion, ignore what he wants because he will constantly change the goal posts. Talk to WA about a safe exit plan too as these men are extra dangerous when we end the relationship. Take a look at Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven x
5th February 2021 at 4:23 pm #121148LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum.
The women here can relate and offer insight into steps you can take for help and services available. They also can validate your experience, which can help bring clarity for you and confidence in how to move forward.
As KIP has said, focus on what you want in all this and prioritise you and your child’s needs as your ex-partner will very likely have his own agenda. Do contact your local Woman’s Aid service as you can speak to a worker in more detail about your situation. They can offer on-going advice and support and are free. Search for your local here. Rights of Women and Coram can both offer advice and support around child contact concerns.
Do keep posting to let us know how you are moving forward. I’m sure you’ll find this a place of support. You are not alone.
All the best,
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