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17th October 2019 at 11:40 am #89778iceladyParticipant
Hi all,
I’m icelady, recently joined this forum. It’s been (detail removed by moderator) years I divorced my ex husband, we spent together almost (detail removed by moderator) years ((detail removed by moderator) years living together and (detail removed by moderator) years in marriage), and I am now a single mom of two kids living in a rented 1-room flat. The last drop which made me leave after psychological, economic, also (though the last two were far less frequent) sexual and physical violence was his threats of actually using physical violence against me and beating me up. That was when I confronted him for being unfaithful to me, again, this was the second time I know of. Anyway that was when I got really scared not that much about myself but about my children so I made up a plan and left, secretly. I think my ex husband was a toxic person and so is my father, I could not stay at my parents’ house since my divorce was not going acc to their expectations, they wanted me to fight for every single penny while I just wanted peaceful proceedings, written divorce procedure, and saving both kids. I succeeded in that but then my father got at me until I finally found a flat for rent and left. After that my father suffered a heart stroke and the family says it’s because of my bad temper, blah blah blah. If it was not bad enough for me to work full time, raise two kids on my own without any family support or help. I get kids support from my ex regularly, that is nice, even though it is less than it should be but I let it go, no more drama in court. I attend therapy because I also have eating disorder and am a sexual assault survivor (not in my marriage). I maintain very low contact with my family and try to keep my sanity though sometimes toxic loneliness and all these abandonment wounds from my childhood kick in. (detail removed by moderator) years have passed and I am slowly becoming to enjoy being single. Would be interested in any advice on how to keep my balance and to have more time for myself? I have low energy, maybe it’s some sort of burnout, it’s very hard to get up early for work. I need to reach that balance somehow. Any ideas? Kids are (ages removed by moderator). -
17th October 2019 at 7:46 pm #89806LisaMain Moderator
Hi Icelady
Welcome to the forum! You have come through so much and should feel proud of yourself for starting a new life without your husband. Being a single working mum is exhausting as well as dealing emotionally with the abuse you have suffered for many years, i think its really normal to feel drained and low energy.
I dont know if you have considered having any counselling/trauma therapy for the abuse? Some women find taking up an exercise they enjoy helps, i imagine having any time to do things for yourself is hard as a single parent, so even just doing small things which you can fit in which are just for you, to give you a little re-boost would be good.
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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17th October 2019 at 8:03 pm #89812KIP.Participant
Writing down three positive things each day was a great way for me to keep my positive thinking. Walking was great too. Get some music on your ears and put one foot in front of the other. Keeping contact to a minimum with anyone who is toxic. Make time for things you like.even if it’s growing a lavender plant. A positive mental outlook makes all the difference.
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