Getting out- stupid question

[Scapegoat]

This is probably going to sound really dumb and I have no plan in place as yet but the abuse is getting worse and I don’t know how much more I can take without snapping.

You all say that you shouldn’t tell your oh you are leaving. If I carry on the ways things currently are then I will probably end up hurt. He’s screaming at me constantly, threatening, intimidating and belittling me. I can keep quiet for so long but then like today I end up screaming back as I’ve had a gutful and I’m only human. Please don’t say call the police as I’ve found they’re a waste of time in the past.
So do I need to make him believe that all is ok and that I’m not planning to leave? As if I don’t deescalate the situation, I will end up having a mental breakdown as I’m v close to it now. So should I try and get on, be polite, do what he asks? I’m sorry I know that sounds so pathetic but I really can’t do any of this any more. I don’t even know how to go about it. I’m working from home up to 10 hours a day so I’m exhausted and have little time. He never leaves the house. I’m CEV to Covid so work won’t let me go back in as it’s not safe. I’m sorry, I just can’t cope with any thing any more, I’m completely broken.

[Swan123]

This is not a ‘dumb’ or ‘stupid’ question. Just to say I hear you. I don’t have the answer…but I wanted to send you hugs. I completely understand the ‘screaming back’. Hang in there, hopefully someone will have the answer you need xx

[Scapegoat]

Thank you Swan123, I just don’t understand how to go about it. I can’t just whip up a plan in a few hours. It could take weeks to find somewhere to rent. I would just be interested to know how others have gone about it when he doesn’t leave the house and without him catching on?

[KIP.]

“should I try and get on, be polite, do what he asks?”

He will simply move the goal posts, he doesn’t want you to be polite or to do what he asks. He wants to abuse you and nothing you can do will ever satisfy him and stop the abuse. His mission is to destroy you, it makes him feel big and good when he breaks you. Abuse always gets worse. If you’re at breaking point then take the chance and ring the police again. You have nothing to lose. Can you secretly record his abuse and get the police to remove him. There are more powers now since lockdown for the police to remove him. It’s going to be a choice between him or you and you need to choose you. Are you in touch with women’s aid? Have you let your work know what’s happening? Would you consider a refuge?

[Scapegoat]

I know I will never please him Kip, but I also know I don’t have the strength to do this either.
I just meant make him think it’s all hunky dory though to be quite honest I don’t think I can do that. But these blokes know when somethings going on especially when you have no privacy and can’t even make a call. There is a camera in house in which he records everything to listen to conversations. I just don’t see a way out at the mo and if I say f*** you, things will just escalate.

[Madmam]

Do you have a friend you can text who can ring the police on your behalf? If they ask for the domestic violence department they will take you seriously.

[gettingtired]

Hey scapegoat,
I called a local charity once (who told me they specialise more in helping women in immediate danger of violence) and they told me about an app called Hollie’s Guard, you shake your phone and it will send an alert to a friend who then knows you’re in trouble. Not sure if this is of much help though if you’re not wanting to involve the police. I really think if things are escalating you may need to call them for your safety though.
I’d definitely play pretend (if you want to start making an escape plan) but it’s not really a long term solution. Like you said you’re only human and there’s only so much you can take before you snap.
Xx

[Author]

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