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    • #6674
      White Rose

      I’ve given in and gone back on my antidepressants again after 9 months off them. I’ve been fooling myself that I’m doing ok for the last 6 weeks. I’m not doing ok. I feel totally c**p.
      I’ve kept off alcohol all Christmas as even a small amount can make me down but I feel worse than early December.
      I was just deleting stuff from my phone and realised that every single text conversation with friends is started by me. And they’re always up-beat texts not me moaning. The call log shows weeks with no calls in to my number then I make one to a friend (or is that maybe the wrong word?). I’m waiting with excitement and anticipation for all those invites to New Years parties to come flooding in. Who am I kidding! Not “a couple” so don’t fit in anymore. Not that we were ever invited much anyway he was such a pompous self centred opinionated old idiot no one wanted us around.
      I’ve reconnected with old acquaintances this year (better word than friend, no ties or obligations attached) and even their initial “so excited to be back in touch with you” contact has petered out.
      I’m sick and tired of making the effort it’s just not worth it. I do go out to things couple of nights a week and also exercise regularly but I get back and feel totally exhausted as I’ve put so much effort into seeming happy and not to appear miserable while I’m there.
      Can’t wait to get back to work so my mind is totally occupied and I haven’t got time to think about anything else. Why I even bother taking holiday I don’t know I haven’t got any money to do anything so I just end up going for long walks in the rain.
      Wish my daughter was just a couple of years older so I could move and make a totally new start somewhere else miles and miles away. Might even change my name and lose the old me totally.

    • #6682
      Falling Skys

      Hi xx

      Please don’t look at as giving in going back on antidepressants. It’s what you need to get you through this hellish time. It you had the flu you take something for it, if you broke your leg you be in plaster to you heeled. It’s not for ever xx

      I am the first to text, ring nine times out of ten. My ex was always making it am issue so I didn’t keep up friendship. So I now having to forge new friendships. It’s not easy and with you being low its going to be harder.

      So sod new year eve it’s only one over rated night and the party normally a flop.

      When I am free I will be changing my name too, but got to wait to I have my mortgage as it effects your credit scoring. Mine is a real rubbish one so can’t wait 😊

      Hope you feel better soon xx

    • #6692
      Midnight Marbles

      Hi White Rose

      I so agree with falling sky, once your antidepressants start to work everything will become easier and mental health is just the same as physical health, just not as talked about. I’ve been on them for years and I’ve come to the conclusion that if I was diabetic I would be irresponsibility not to take meds.

      As to friends, we all have such busy lives that I very rarely make the first contact. If I think about it though I always feel as though friends will not want to talk or see me. So I’m always grateful for the friends that contact me first. Keep contacting friends, keep involved as much as you can, the more contact you make, the more you become included.

      As falling sky said sod New year’s eve. An evening where you HAVE to be happy when your shattered and everyone just waiting for 12.

      Why not try and make a good new year start, maybe a healthy meal, lots of fresh water and curl up with your daughter or a really good blow out with any leftover treats to prepare you for a healthy start on the first.
      I walk with the ramblers, if your daughter is old enough why not join them, details are on the website. All groups are very welcoming and usually have a good laugh. Scary I know but well worth the effort if you can manage it.

      Look after yourself, I find lots of rest helps, if you can sit still long enough.

      I really hope you feel better soon, as you know it takes time.

      Sending a great big hug to you x*x

      Ps hope I’m helping and not hindering.

    • #6697
      White Rose

      Thanks for these positive kick up the backside messages much appreciated!!! I hate feeling low but I also hate brain fog and nausea and nightmares of the tablets – and these are the ones that suit me best.
      MM thanks for the walking tip – they’ve been a good escape for me recently out in fresh air with a lot of really friendly folk just needto push myself to go.
      I need 7-10 days to climb out of my hole again and then hopefully I can psyche myself up ready for court where I’ll have to see the one who did this to me and our daughter. I wish I could say this would be last time I’ll have to see him but I don’t think it will be.

    • #6714
      Midnight Marbles

      Oh no, I hope it wasn’t to much.

      I know when your low it takes time and well meaning people go on about what to do, sometimes I just let it wash over me and cry, that can help. If that’s all you want to do right now, that’s ok too.

      I really feel for you and hope you’ll feel better soon.


    • #6726

      Hi White Rose,
      Totally understand where you are coming from! The climb up from coupledom to singleton is hard enough but add an abuser into the mix and it is doubly hard as we build up self esteem and attempt to reclaim lives more often than not kept isolated and friendships disapproved. Keep making the contact with friends, it’s easy to take things personally when we feel at a low ebb but as has been pointed out people just get busy. You are getting out and about and where possible continue to widen your circle of friends and acquaintances via activities. If you need a little support from antidepressants I say not a problem as we all heal at different paces and in different ways. You are stronger than you think and I hope things start to pick up for you x keep posting for support x

    • #6729
      White Rose

      Thanks again.
      Trying to put all the things I’ve been told into action – healthy food (not really into chocolates!) plenty of water, lots of sleep (if my brain and tear ducts would stop it might work) and exercise – just got back from a really brisk walk and made the effort to say hello to every one I met not everyone replied nay Be they were feeling more down than me.
      Nice mug of green tea now and trying to keep positivexx

    • #6761

      White Rose
      If I wasn’t on anti depressants and beta blockers I wouldn’t be able to function, they are all that is keeping me going right now, so don’t feel bad about taking them, do whatever it takes to get you through the day.

      I agree the side effects can be horrendous, but sometimes brain fog and nausea is a small price to pay for keeping on the safer side of suicidal..

      Wishing you strength to get through your court appearance and hope it goes ok for you.

    • #6762
      Falling Skys

      Hi White Rose

      Hope you are feeling a little better today. x

      Sometimes I think I cry so much I must cry pee as that the only fluid left in my body.

      Hugs FS xx

    • #6770

      Dear White Rose,
      I have just started a course of antidepressants, along with sleeping tablets. I was anxious and intolerant of background noise, I was living in a complete state of anxiety. Been on meds for over a week and although I sleepy (bizarrely I cannot sleep still despite doubling up on sleeping pills as directed), I feel calmer, much calmer. I don’t know about you but I feel like I am waiting for the next bad thing to happen,I think this year has been awful and my resilience is the lowest it has ever been. I am just emotionally beaten up and despite domestic abuse counselling, meds and rest, I feel worn out.
      I got into trouble at work as I never completed something I should have, I realise I am not coping now, but I don’t have a magical cure. I have hope that this next year may get better. I don’t have many friends, certainly none locally. On Xmas day my mum who is away on holiday got her friends to phone to wish me a happy Xmas….it was a nice thought and I appreciated it, but it somehow makes me also feel very very sad. I hope things improve for you. I understand how you are feeling, sometimes you think it couldn’t get any worse and something happens to take it down another notch and you just don’t know how much more you can take. Don’t feel bad about medication, I see emotions and mental health problems in the same way as pain thresholds. If you had unbearable pain you would take pain relief. Sometimes the emotional hurt and pain drain us until you have no more left in you to live a functional fulfilling life. Meds can help you to get back on track x x x

    • #6795
      White Rose

      Thanks for all your replies
      It does help.
      Please look after yourselves I know life’s tough from other posts xxxx

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