Going round in circles

[Stuckinturmoil]

Hi I am new to this group. My husband is verbally abusive towards me. He yells and shouts calling me names over the smallest things.
He honestly hasn’t paid me a compliment for about (detail removed by moderator). Even when I have worn/bought a dress at his request.
When I pass an exam or get promoted he barely raises a glance at me. Once he said (detail removed by moderator)
He barely does any housework. In (detail removed by moderator) he has cleaned the bathrooms (detail removed by moderator). I work full time and I am studying. We also have children.
For the past (detail removed by moderator)  I have been in turmoil on whether or not I should stay or leave him. I have had counselling (he refused to come to marriage counselling)
He embarrasses me in front of others all the time. In a disagreement he yells in my face and then doesn’t give me a chance to put my side across by mimicking me in a loud voice. He says (detail removed by moderator).
Any suggestions I have about anything are rubbished abs criticised when I am normally right.
He never shows me any affection unless he wants sex.
He once (detail removed by moderator) tried to have sex with me whilst I was asleep I woke up very upset.
Seeing how many posts are on this board makes me think are there any nice men out there? If I left him the chances are very high that the next person I meet might be the same.
I know he is abusive to me but am I being to weak. Should I just man up? Should I leave? My children are school age.

[maddog]

Please speak to school and explain that you are enduring domestic abuse. It’s so common and they will understand and keep an eye out on your children. They will also become important allies in due course. Please also reach out to your local Women’s Aid and Rape Crisis. Your GP should know what’s going on as well.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, and no matter what has happened to you in the past, this abuse is absolutely nothing to do with it.

Social Services may be able to help.

Expect your husband to lie through his teeth, lay on the charm in front of anyone he interacts with.

It’s such a shocking revelation to recognise abuse. Dr Ramini on Youtube says that all abusers are narcissi*ts, but not all nar*cs are abusers. Everything your husband does is to feed his own glory. You’re his current source, and he will behave in exactly the same way to anyone else, and there’s nothing you can do about it, apart from to protect yourself and the children.

There are lots of wonderful men out there.

Please seek advice from WA, to develop a safety plan for leaving. You’re very brave in recognising the behaviour. You have nothing to stay for apart from more abuse and rape. You’ll get there, and there are loads of organisations and places like here to hold your hand and stop you falling.

It’s really important to understand the dynamics of abuse/narciss*sm before you set out on a new relationship. The Freedom Programme run by WA is really good.

[Stuckinturmoil]

Thank you maddog
I have watched those YouTube videos and he is a neglectful n********t. I think it was that video that was the turning point. He loved me so much at the start a long time ago. The odd time he will smile at me I get my hopes up. It’s so sad. I still love him and I know he has health problems which have contributed to his rage.
I think it is abuse now. I have always been scared to use that word. I don’t know if I should use it as the reason for divorce as I don’t want my children to see that as a reason but I also want people to know I haven’t done it lightly.

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