Going through the motions and who I can trust :(

[Blossom24]

Hi

I want to reach out to this group but feel at a complete loss as to what to write…

I left my husband on (detail removed by moderator), we are at my dads which is ok. I have reached out a couple of times on here since, when I was wavering about going back as it seemed the easiest option.
I’m having to start to retrain my brain from everything I had changed or adapted to appease him and his behaviours.
I was shocked yesterday by how ‘off’ his mum was with me- I know he’s her son and he is good at telling his own truth but that threw me a bit.
Previously, when we’ve had issues he makes promises of change but essentially it gets swept under the carpet and we return to ‘normal’ which is why I knew I can’t go back home whilst he is living there. He was also great at the sulk which effects the whole household and my older 2 children had picked up on far more of his moods, controlling than I had realised and my (detail removed by moderator). What has got me really quite angry is that he’s not even home! He’s actively sleeping on MY friends sofa. She is/was a good friend and seemed to understand me and I really got some strength from her, but now he’s getting drunk and staying there, packing an overnight bag and staying there- so why can’t me and children go home? Im also questioning her and her motives now too and the hypocrisy of it all as I wouldn’t have been able to stay at another females house let alone a males..

This helps reinforce my decision to leave but so many questions now and emotions- hope that ramble makes some sense xx

[Better-days]

Blossom24 what you have done is amazing so be proud of that. I know it seems hard just now. His mum should understand you can’t be unhappy forever to pl Sse her son in time I’m sure she will understand that and if not it’s her problem. U shouldn’t have to feel guilty for wanting better. I hope you are ok I’m sorry iv not much advice but your not alone. Xx

[Sad and alone]

That’s bizarre. Why is he staying elsewhere? Is the person a mutual friend? Not that it makes any sense. Maybe you should move back home with the children, but then if he comes home you’re back to square one. Usually in situations there’d be a discussion and agreement as to who leaves and the children would remain in the family home. It would make more sense for him to go. I can’t really offer advice but expect if you had a chat with women’s aid they might be able to give you some idea.

I admire you for leaving though, with four kids too. I can’t even drag my single a*s out of the situation so what you’ve done is amazing. Don’t worry about his Mum. As you say it’s her son so she’s going to support him and everything is prob a bit raw.

 

 

[Indeepindance]

Might be harsh but I’d ditch the friend and encourage him staying there now so that you can go home! He’s either displaying more victim-like / entitled behaviour or is trying to make you jealous. Either way he’s demonstrating yoi made the right decision! What a horrible horrible situation for you.

If you can safely return to the house and keep him out, go for it. Otherwise I’d advise getting the legal stuff sorted from safety of where you are, and don’t take the bait. Get what you’re owed and start again.

I would seriously question that friendship (these situations are great for flushing out wrong-uns) and you don’t need anyone draining your battery right now- and don’t pay any mind to his mum, who knows what they’ve been told but you will eventually start to not care about that I promise you, focus on the important things, you and your kids, and retraining your brain (it will come back, give yourself time and don’t force anything), you will get through this

Xxxxx

[Author]

Posts