10th February 2016 at 7:58 pm #9476SerenityParticipant
I was so strong for so long. I had all these dreams after he left, of all the things the kids and I could do, because living with him was like being imprisoned. We weren’t allowed much.
I was on a high. I got the non-mol, I fought him in court over his lies, I got the house, I managed to inform people about his cruelty to the kids and, though my youngest needs to see him at present, I am sure he is more cautious as a result.
But I have lost my liveliness. I feel shattered, exhausted, listless and low. I have hardly the energy to move.
I suspect part of it is the recent and ongoing a use through the kids, but I think part of it is that the reality is just hitting me now. I was married for so long. I invested so much into the marriage, from day one. I think back to the things I did, and his I was met with cruel and snide passive aggression, or open cruelty. I was meant to be happy just basking in his presence, and to ask for. Othing more.
I think I am in shock as it has just hit me the full extent of what I have been through, and how much I had to fight to be heard in court.
I can’t believe I was that person in court. I feel like a punctured balloon now. I have lost my innocence and my faith in things, and I feel ex racist got low. I did t think I would have a setback like this.
Sorry to moan.
10th February 2016 at 8:25 pm #9481AyannaParticipant
No, you do not moan. These extensive court hearings traumatise us. They take all our energy away. I think I would be better had I not gone through the traumatic years in court after fleeing. I had no idea how stressful that would become.
After abuse you were already traumatised and stressed. And to top it you had these court hearings, ….
I learnt that cortisol and dopamine levels become low when stress is extended over long periods of time. And that is what happens to all of us. Then our health gives in.
I am glad spring will come soon. Spending more time in the park and on the beach will help to get a better mood.
I hope you have support with your kids. They need to behave. They must repect their mom. x*x
10th February 2016 at 8:38 pm #9484Eve1Participant
It’s not surprising if you feel this way. Your body probably needs to recuperate and is slowing you down. It must be a reaction to what you have been through.
Sending you a warm, gentle hug. Hope you can let yourself rest and be kind to you. I’m sure your energy will return.
10th February 2016 at 8:51 pm #9485Falling SkysParticipant
Hi and hugs xx
Like you I am a long termer. My support worker and I both think my hard time will come when I am free. Because when you are going through it we have stay strong.
I hope things settle down and you can gain your strength back.
And in all the things you posted you have never moan. I wonder if that was one of the abusive things he said to you if you answer back.
10th February 2016 at 9:22 pm #9490Confused123Participant
Sorry to hear u having a low day, i think like others have said whilst we are fighting them all our energy goes on dealing with them that we dont process what has happened to us. u have got so far and achieved so much, hold onto that, we cant bring back the time they have stolen of us , but hey u r strong beautiful lady and all your goodness will come out again as u rediscover yourself, maybe that strong lady that stood in the court is the real u that he tried to destroyed. I THINK WE ALL THINK ONCE WE HAVE LEFT THEM THATS IT , BUT ITS NOT THERE’S A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER EMOTIONS TO DEAL WITH THAT WE WERE NEVER EXPECTING, GRIEVE FOR PAIN HE CAUSED ITS PART OF PROCESS , WE WERE WITH THEM FOR AGES, NEVER BE MISTAKEN AND THINK WE CAN RECOVER QUICKLY, FIRST WE HAVE TO GET OUT, THEN WE DEAL WITH THE CONSTANT DISRUPTIONS THEY CAUSE, WE DEAL WITH THE IMPACT IT HAS ON OUR CHILDREN AS WELL AS HOLDING OURSELVES UP . U R DOING SO WELL, WHEN EVER U HAVE A LOW DAY ALWAYS POST AS I BELIEVE ITS A GOOD WAY OF PROCESSING WHAT HAPPENED TO US
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.