Got to laugh

[Iwon]

Got a flurry of text from ex and new gf. For no reason. Just you are so bitter and jealous I dumped you. Your sad and pathetic.

I have been out for several years but we have a son. I have not spoken to him in (Detail removed by moderator) years because he loes and becomes abusive. I avoid him like the plague. I have been in a loving relationship for several years and getting married (Detail removed by moderator).

I get these from his gf as well sometimes! I divorced him. It cost me a fortune. Getting rid of him was like getting a rotten tooth out except it took (Detail removed by moderator) years instead of 10 minutes.

I ignore all there rubbish but I was so tempted to text remember the divorce papers you signed admiring to your unreasonable behaviour. Remember how you did everything to fight it and rack up my costs.

He threatened divorce when he had lost control of me and I grabbed the opportunity as the escape from he’ll it was. I think now understanding more about the cycle of abuse he never expected me to take him up on the offer with such enthusiasm!!!!!

He still after yesrs tries everything to engage and start trouble….. I think really the your sad and pathetic and can’t get over the fact I dumped you is an admission on his part x

[freedomtochoose]

Yeah it’s funny. But not. if you know what I mean.
I really wonder (having reflected on and questioned myself to the ends of the earth, probably too much, when I doubt that these reflections and learnings are bothered with or even ever addressed at the other end…)

And I think it is so important to address things that happen, and take responsililty for your own actions. But some people apparently never do. Guess I let myself be talked into a space where I felt I was doing wrong, I was the abusive one…even though I know exactly where the power lay whilst I was living with my ex. I think if you have a small child, as a mum you are innately vulnerable as obviously your priorities will be making sacrifices for the child and it is so much work…really hard, physical work, making food, caring, washing, the whole thing…

About divorces..at the time I left one of his family made a statement to the effect that they knew the reason why I went to refuge and said it was because I ‘couldn’t cope’ with the idea that the marriage was failing.

Now, I look back and see how utterly ridiculous that was – and how in fact that they couldn’t deal with the fact that a family member was emotionally and financially abusive. In fact, although the legal issues were terrifying – as they were unexpected, unfamiliar and underpinned by psychological torture in the shape of constant threats that my child would be taken away from me…

…in fact I couldn’t wait to be divorced.

I wonder what the future holds. Sure, I have loneliness as with others on here, but I am appreciating the space to work certain things through, despite the pain of it, and I just don’t want a relationship right now. We are happy in our little flat – high above the street where you can hear a pin drop…

all best to everyone
freedom
x

[Poodlepower]

Looks like he can’t stand to lose control and is feeding his new partner a load of rubbish to manipulate her. Meh, not your problem but quite funny/irritating I imagine.

It’s beyond frustrating when people just won’t accept truth, although I can understand family having difficulty in accepting that the person they thought they knew had been Abusive. Interesting though, after his suicide my partner’s family have got in touch ( never spoken to them before and my partner had cut all contact due to their involvement in sexual abuse of him as a child) and never once questioned my version of him, although they denied ever seeing his violent side or volcanic temper. I suspect just as they hid details of his sexual abuse they hid details of his abuse of others.  (detail removed by moderator)
I have reported all I know to the police  (detail removed by moderator) I hope he gets justice.
Sorry went off topic a bit!

[freedomtochoose]

You’ve done really well in this situation PP.
I identify with the ‘feigning concern’ bit.
Ex’s family were and are so false on that front.
all best
freedom
x

[freedomtochoose]

I am thinking and feeling things around the ‘not being able to accept truth’ thing.

Sometimes I wonder what else is important in life…
if you don’t have that, what do you have?
x

[KIP.]

Isn’t it amazing how they simply rewrite the truth. The most painful reaction you can give a n********t is no reaction at all. Block their numbers all together and enjoy your day. Good luck with your wedding. You deserve to be happy. I suspect the thought of you being remotely happy will be bringing on this tirade. They simply cannot allow us to be happy and their flying monkeys will just do as they’re told. My ex new gf gave a two page affidavit against my restraining order, basically arguing for her bf to be allowed to come near me. It was full of insults and ramblings from a woman I had never met nor had any contact with. Someone who could lie in a sworn affidavit deserves to be with an abuser. They’re well suited. Can you imagine the torrid life they lead. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

[Poodlepower]

Yes, truth is so important. I found it hardest to cope with my partner’s lies and misrepresentations of his actions when he was abusive. Typical gas lighting behaviour I know, but did he really think I was going to believe his lies seconds after he’d done something terrible to me?
He’d often accuse me of dishonesty-e.g. I told him I had had a few one night stands when I was a student-many years ago! He went crazy, said I’d “lied” to trap him, he never would have been with me if he’d have known what a “fat old s**g” I really was, etc. However, he lied about things that were going on in our everyday life, yet what I did over 30 years ago somehow had a bearing on our lives? Used to infuriate me, but these men twist and lie and try to confuse us. Do they believe their own lies?

[KIP.]

I just think they make up their own lies to gain control back. Or to deflect from their own dysfunctional behaviour. Not considering the consequences and not even remembering the lies they’ve told. This became very aparant in my divorce and the criminal trial. If you’re going to lie you need to have a very good memory lol.

[freedomtochoose]

The weird thing is for me, ex’s behaviour kind of smashed my view of myself in terms of after that relationship I never felt like I had integrity as a human being. I think this was as a result of his repeated attempted character assassination. I wish I did feel I have integrity.
This is kind of what I was trying to grapple with in my thoughts on a ‘moral injury’.

I would never have chosen to go to refuge if I had seen another choice. But I didn’t have one. There was no other way out.

ftc
x

[Author]

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