3rd April 2020 at 12:40 am #100235CillaParticipant
hi there, I never thought I would be back on here again. I was here years ago, in the midst of a hellish split after (detail removed by moderator) of being abused. I then spent (detail removed by moderator) pretty much avoiding men, and finally met who I thought wa s the love of my life. Unfortunately I’m now not sure what’s going on. He’s not physically abusive…yet…but I don’t want it to get to that stage. I don’t know what to do, or rather I know what I should do, and I’m not at that stage yet, although almost. He’s emotionally violent, silent treatment, cruelty, gaslighting and so on, and he’s using the uk lockdown as an excuse not to see me. I know there have been Affairs. I suspect one of which was even his (detail removed by moderator). It’s a weird family dynamic, and they don’t like me, they find me to common for their taste!
Drugs are involved as well. He knows I am being harassed (detail removed by moderator) and just doesn’t care. I suspect the is still having an affair with the last one but I can’t prove it. Everytime I say anything he shouts at me. If I am honest I just want out. I loved the man I met, but this isn’t him any more. he’s a mean, cruel manipulative b*****d who just wants sex and looking after. And I am frightened now of him.
Lock down doesn’t help. Would appreciate support to get through these trying times! He’s got me proper down as a lying b***h with mental health issues and no one will help me. I’m proper stitched up by this one. At least the last was an honest b*****d…
3rd April 2020 at 10:38 pm #100276fizzylemParticipant
Hey C, sounds like you have all the info you already need. Also that you have your own place, which makes ending things with him somewhat easier to do, so you just need to be mindful that your place can be locked up so he’s kept out if he turns up. Seems you can see this needs to end, but are reluctant to let it go entirely yet, are getting there though.
You say lock down isn’t helping, have you considered that maybe it could if you were to end things? It could help if it keeps you apart and safe? You can get the distance and head space you need now – sounds like with this you have already started to see things as they really are, have gained a lot of insight, with the things you’ve said.
This man can not be relied upon can he, so any support you need look to others for it instead; and get rid?
Could you let this fizzle out now? Just not contact him and not respond to his messages? Then when lock down is over you could emerge into the new? Have this behind you? Deal with the disappointments you feel now, behind closed doors, with support from friends, family, us on here and WA? And shake him off? x
4th April 2020 at 9:55 pm #100321TickleribberParticipant
Hi, I can relate to this one, similar to some of my own experiences.
What I think may be happening is that it takes time – sometimes a lot of time and repeat bad experiences – to accept that a man and the relationship isn’t what you thought, and definitely it’s not what you hoped for in the beginning.
It’s a bit like grieving for something you lost that really mattered to you, and it really hurts.
Don’t beat yourself up for being deceived by him, some men are expert at presenting themselves as the person you’re hoping for, they’re good at working that out, the best of us get taken in for a while.
Sounds like you know most of this already, but maybe writing all the bad stuff down on paper while you’re in lockdown would be useful to remind yourself what you’re actually dealing with as opposed to what you wish it was.
All the best.
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