Grieving for who I thought he was????

[foggyhere]

I was reflecting on how I managed to sleep walk into this mess, and some of it is because of the strict interpretation of a Catholic marriage that I took, in deference to him because at the time he was a very strict Catholic. Then all my memories of this sweet, deeply devout man flooded into me. I think he was never truly that as his religious devotion dropped off as soon as we married, even more so when our daughter arrived, until he started saying he was atheist. So I’m sure that the religion thing was just a self image tool, and that my idea of a sweet, generous and caring guy is bull, because where it matters he’s never behaved like that.

But when those memories flooded back, especially of our wedding day and the weeks leading up to it, I was hit with a deeply intense spasm of grief – it was more like physical pain and I’ve never experienced anything like it before.

Is this normal??? It almost feels as though that guy died nearly a decade ago and was replaced by someone else.

[Falling Skys]

Hi Foggyhere

Very normal, I grieved for married life I should have had and also the disbelief in myself for not realising that I was in an abusive relationship.

As some said to me if they were like it on the first date there wouldn’t have been a second.

Stay strong

FS xx

[Nor82]

I feel the same the past (detail removed by moderator) years have been a lie, I just wanted a happy loving relationship and I thought that’s what I had till he changed!. Spending a lot of time alone thinking is not helping feeling low today x

[foggyhere]

We need a big list of pleasurable activities that we can pick from when it hits us xx

[Confused123]

Abuse is one of the worst traumatic experience , ladies how we got sucked in i dotn know, again like we know if they had showed that behaviour in the begining we would of ran of at day one, we were trick, a very cruel trick that they took advantages of our strong beleifs, hope they rot, for whta they have stolen of us can never be replaced

[Nor82]

Your right I will never be the same person again, but I’m so proud and all of ladies should be that we got out! And if your still living it please just tell someone anyone you will be surprised how much support is available. Even if I only had the clothes on my back my life would have more existence then my life with him. Peace of mind is everything, I know some people stay for financial reasons but its bricks and water material things can be replaced you will not end up on the streets or go hungry please do the right thing and save yourself x

[Author]

Posts