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I’ve started going to a group session and I’m finding it so much more awful than I could have imagined! I honestly didn’t think I would have anything in common with these women but practically everything they say resonates with me. After the last one I feel so terrible. Its affected me really badly. The woman who runs it says if there’s any problems or if you need to speak to her just do it but I don’t know what to say, at all.
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Groups can be hard for that, I’ve not been to a group about domestic abuse but I’ve been to a group for something similar.
It really hits hard to hear other people’s stories. But it can be so helpful, not just for sharing ways of coping. But as you say you hear the similarities, and knowing that if all these other women have had similar experiences its not just you. And seeing how they were not to blame, having empathy for their situation, and slowly that will transfer to yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to do that for someone else when you can’t do it for yourself.
I know that wasn’t your question- I just hope you stick in at it.
You should try and let the women who runs the group know how you feel, just the same as you have let us on here know how you feel.
In the meantime its just taking care of your self. A nice walk or long soak in the bath, cuddle up with a book or put your favourite movie on. Try and unwind and relax, don’t let it consume you -
Yes for sure, it can feel like it comes thick and fast in a group, be emotionally punching, because you’re learning from a number of people. These groups usually end up being a really good source of support as well though. Keep going and take a time out if you need it. Agree with the above, would be good to speak to the person running it as she will likely be able to help – having been here many times before. You’re clearly trying to process it and havent quite got there yet so feel you’re struggling to verbalise what it is you need to – bet she could help with this, or at the very least help you to feel a bit better about things. Yes all you need to say is what you’ve said above x
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Oh Elephanttrunk and fizztlem that’s exactly how I feel. I’ve been having a huge amount of trouble coming to terms with me being a person who deserves help. I don’t think I feel comfortable telling the woman. I feel like I don’t belong and that it doesn’t really matter what happened to me. Saying that makes me feel so uncomfortable because I feel so weak admitting it and I get the awful sensations in my body and I honestly can’t believe it
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Hey flower, it leaves you vulnerable when you ‘don’t’ reach out and ask for help when you need it – this is what got us all in the pickle to begin with isn’t it – feeling we can handle it on our own – this is the change you need to make – it does feel exposing and uncomfortable – but it is something you can and will overcome – with support – in this group. All of us need to start to recognise when it is one of those times I need a little bit of help here – with whatever it is – and when we know we can do this we know we now have the resiliance we need for life alomg with the self protection needed to ensure this never happens again. Go for it! Dare yourself. There will be others in the group who feel just like you too as well I’m sure. We need to learn how to shape our support, some people and things help – others not so much – got to try a number of things to find out what works for you – so you have plenty of support to fall back on when you need it – we all of us need support in order to function in a healthy way – none of us are islands x
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I’ve just started a group and we’ve only done one week so far. But I feel reassured that I don’t need to speak unless I want to and if I do participate, I won’t be judged. After just one session I felt vindicated in what I’ve been feeling and realised I’m not exaggerating his behaviour and what’s he’s done isn’t acceptable. Please stick it out and I’m sure you will come to the same realisation. I know it’s not easy and it’s an emotional, difficult journey but you will
benefit by the end of the course. If nothing else you will meet women who understand and who would support you 100%. Xxxx -
Hey fizzylem I’m going to try and tell her today. I feel horrible just imagining it. But I’ll try. I don’t want to be chucked out the group for being weak. Wibbles I can empathise entirely with the others I just cannot transfer it to myself. This all happened a decade ago. I was with him from late teens for a long time but all the same it was a lifetime ago. I’m also working out I really don’t matter to myself. I tried to say I do in my mind but it made it worse. I got a book to read but the beginning of it brought up memories of stuff I’ve done that must be why I hate myself so much. Well it is why. I need to quickly be able to care about myself but it’s not working. I just don’t see what other people see. I don’t imagine people think like that of me. I feel like everyone thinks I’m a fraud who’s faked through the cracks
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Hi there sweetheart, you’re not well. You’re the strongest baddest as.ed women ever💪 many things are triggering for us. Just take a step back, talk to the lady who runs it, they are amazing. I found one day i went so noisy and boisterous, I was in tears, wasn’t going back but I’m glad I stuck at it. Some of the ladies stories are so much worse than mine, I too feel that I don’t belong, don’t deserve to be rescued I guess. But everyone of us have been abused in once way our another and it has affected us deeply. even still I think like this, tell the organiser how you’ll feel, it is normal to feel like this.
Best wishes and keep at it.
IWMB 💞💞 -
Hi Freedomfries01,
Several years ago when I discovered I was in a domestic abusive relationship, I found this local support group..I felt like you at 1st, I was quiet, I took it all in, and listened but started to find my abuse was similar in a lot of ways.. a lot were worse, which made me feel that mine wasn’t that bad..But each time I went I learnt more about his abusive way.. I’ve continued going to each group, I’ve made great friends, we can help each other, the group has new ladies each time, some return, some don’t but that’s ok.. it’s how you feel, and this helps get knowledge of the abuse..
At the moment, we are doing mindfulness and self worth.. we have a coffee, a natter, and laugh now..
It’s helped so much, and that’s what we all need the support..
To this day my daughter’s still believe the group put ideas in my head or distorted things to make me think it was abuse..But now it upsets me, but I accept they don’t live with him, they only see this lovely man.. but behind closed doors we know the abuse and suffer terribly.. I am leaving soon and without all the support from the lovely ladies on here, and the support groups I wouldn’t be at this point..
It’s took years to get my head around it all.. we were all where you were once, but knowledge is power..
Sending hugs..
X*x -
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