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    • #129477
      buttons123
      Participant

      I’ve been planning to leave my other half for a little while now and when I first decided I was adamant that it was the right thing to do not just for me but for my daughter. But as time goes on I keep feeling this guilt about what it will do to him.

      I know that when I go it will devastate him and his family and I’m going to hurt so many people. I know that going is the right thing as I cannot live with the control any longer but I also can’t just switch my feelings off and forget about him.

      Am I wrong to be feeling this way? The guilt of knowing that I am planning a life without him whilst we are still living in the same house is killing me.

    • #129483
      beachhut
      Participant

      Morning,

      Your feeling of guilt are quite natural but very misplaced. When I left the feeling were very strong and I was constantly worrying about how he would manage and if he would cope being by himself. We all leave for a reason, it is not a decision that we make lightly and many of us leave our homes, friend and belongings behind.

      Guilt is for the guilty, abused women are guilty of nothing apart from believing the best in people who have abused us and made our lives a living hell. I did not see any guilt from him for what he had done.

      Think of you and your daughter, and what is best for you, you cannot switch off your feelings but over time you will find ways of understanding and dealing with them.

      Take care of you, beachhutXx

    • #129484
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hello Buttons don’t underestimate how hard it has been to get you to this point. Guilt yes those days weeks before you go are truly the worst on every level. Guilt is part of their narrative and their game it’s his voice. Abusers don’t feel guilty they may cry and play the victim but watch him the behaviour it never lasts or only gets worse so it shows it’s not genuine. You feel guilt because you are a good person who doesn’t want to cause hurt. You have nothing to feel guilty about escaping abuse protecting your daughter is something to feel proud of !
      PS I felt guilty when I left even tho he abused me and children so badly but he moved on within weeks and he continues a campaign of stalking – how misplaced was that guilt! It was wasted energy – pour that energy into getting out and safe and healing. You will make new lives it’s not easy but you are so much further on already than you realise. We are all here for you x

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