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    • #143669
      Tea-and-biscuits
      Participant

      Hey . Sorry I’m posting a lot lately . I’m aiming to go (detail removed by moderator). I don’t hate my partner. I’m going because his control is stopping me from having a relationship with my eldest child. I feel so guilty as he won’t leave the house. So I’m leaving. But I know he can’t afford the house. I pay for most things and I just don’t know how he will cope with out me. I keep preparing him I’m going but he’s in denial . I hate all these feelings I have. I’m on the waiting list for councilling but I’m not having it and really need support. I think its so hard when you don’t hate someone . I want to continue to look after him but not at the expense of child.

    • #143670
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Been here, going through it in fact. I was shaking the day I told him I’d handed in the notice on our rented place (don’t know if you rent or own but make sure you don’t end up with debts because he can’t afford the house so remove your name asap), I’ve still not fully moved as I didn’t want to leave him with no furniture, facilities etc but as the weeks tick on he’s just living the life of Larry – out as much as ever, hasn’t packed one thing, stopped paying any bills, turns his nose up at any suggestion of finding somewhere to go or help I offer. I’m getting constant snide comments about him having to working and save money to move, all which are lies.

      FOG is real and is hard but keep going forward, even baby steps on the bad days. He won’t change. He won’t appreciate your help. Bring nice to him won’t stop his narrative to others that he’s the victim. I believe mine is working on finding his next victim whether that’s a new partner or an easy ‘mate’ he can milk dry. You care because you’re a nice person, but by continuing to care for him you’re enabling him. Focus on you lovely as hard as that feels right now. xx

    • #143685
      Tea-and-biscuits
      Participant

      It is so hard. He’s been nice to me . How he treats me in that sense is lovely. It’s the fact he controls my life. He is very rarely nasty to me and never hits me which is what makes this so hard . He’s a devoted partner . It’s the fact I have no social life and he’s preventing me care for my child. It’s just so hard. Thank you for your comment . It’s reassuring you feel the same . I actually have nots in my chest about it . Like I’m the villain .

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