18th March 2020 at 1:44 pm #99478CecileParticipant
Women who are subjected to violence and coercive control by men appear to largely feel compelled by fear and guilt. We all know this, it is how the abuse works. The new virus is going to trigger a lot of this, and emotions, and confusion. Lots more women will feel even more trapped as we are less likely to be able to move around outside the home, to escape. (Speaking for myself here, I was due to go to another country, now cancelled).
This is what happened to me in the last few days. My oh exposed himself to someone who is ill with the virus.came home and was verbally abusive to me, cruel. Lied extensively and gaslighted me about finances and legal stuff.
Did not bathe or wash his hands. Touched everything. I find out (detail removed by moderator) later about the sick person. I told him a I am in an at risk group for the virus after chemotherapy, he began lieing again and talking b****Ks. Could not rationally co operate to even wash his hands.
Today he is worried as the sick person spoke to him about how bad the illness is. The oh started “grooming” me by being nice, explaining he would use a different towel etc. I replied (detail removed by moderator). His face was a picture. But I mean it. This is how they are.
Do not feel guilty, do not feel sorry for them, not even if they get the virus. Continue to focus on your own needs for safety and those of your children. Keep contacting women’s aid, the police, family friends for the ongoing abuse because it will never go away even during these times. I had quite a lot of paracetamol and it has disappeared so even in these times he is looking after himself and the cruelty never ends. It is the same for every woman out these in similar abusive relationships.
The first rule of Coronavirus: PUT YOUR SELF FIRST
18th March 2020 at 2:35 pm #99481confusedallofthetimeParticipant
Oh my word. Cecile I hope you escape unscathed, in every sense of the word. It’s such a worry.
I’m going to speak to ‘mine’ tonight when he gets home because my ex husband has been classed as high risk so I want to be super cautious as our kids still go back and forth between us (joint custody, very amicable etc)
If he doesn’t take it seriously I might have to ramp up my plans to have him removed
18th March 2020 at 2:55 pm #99482fizzylemParticipant
What an a*****e, hoping just dessert springs into play here C. Gutted your plans have to be put on hold. Try to self isolate as much as you can and keep up the hand washing and keep rooms ventilated; read last night that a vit D supplement can ease the severity x
18th March 2020 at 3:39 pm #99485KIP.Participant
The first rule of an abuser is PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Very narcissistic. I read about someone on an aeroplane and a lady asked everyone in the surrounding seats not to eat nuts. So this n********t decided no one was going to tell them what to do and opened the nuts anyway. Sound familiar x
18th March 2020 at 9:51 pm #99500CecileParticipant
Thanks for the replies. Nuts on an aeroplane is a good metaphor on more levels than the obvious for being locked up during a pandemic with one of these abusers. My relative who has it seems to have it lightly, phew. My abuser went out on a group activity with lots of over the age of 70. How could he?
I have decided that if I am stuck here for another month or two with him then I need a plan to survive that rather than go under mentally. I took up hill walking and will do this and other outdoor things with my pets for long days.
I will work on my creative profession and hobby as well. I will plan my future business ideas. I will above all not allow him the satisfaction of seeing me roll over in despair, and I will be well.
18th March 2020 at 11:25 pm #99505fizzylemParticipant
You cant keep a good woman down! Sound like great ideas – no doubt you’ll get more of these too along the way; use this time to practice the art of ‘patience’ – serves us well in life. The day will come! Big hugs x*x
18th March 2020 at 11:38 pm #99507LottieblueParticipant
Cecile, hugs from me too. I shall check up on you regularly. X
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