Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    • #15663

      Since the social worker came the other day I have felt guilty, Once again I had nothing particularly nice to say about him and although I played things down saying he was not as bad I still feel like the worst person. I almost feel like I make things worse for him because of the things i tell them and although they are never aware of everything it is me that brings them back into our lives. This time the referral came from a mental health professional but quite possibly because I had reported the gun. Why do I feel so bad? Everything I said was true in fact I could have said so much more but I didn’t. He has gone around telling some awful stories about me but thats what they are stories but I feel like I am doing the same by telling the social worker some of the things he does and has done. I told her I had not been out since the last time I saw her but I had, to the hospital but I forgot because to get out the door i have to have so much diazepam I am walking around in a stupor. I even feel bad about that because I felt like I had painted an untrue picture of me not going out when I had even if it was a couple of late night visits to the hospital. What is wrong with me I keep going into a blind panic for no real reason and I just have this horrible sense of dread and I dont know why?

    • #15664

      Hi, you are not guilty, all you have done is tell the minimal truth in confidence to a social worker. the abusers make us feel guilty , I have felt at times that I am betraying my Husband by talking to people and coming on here, but I tell myself I wouldn,t have to if he wasn’t abusive, just as you wouldn,t.
      The feeling of dread is horrible I get it its anxiety, it may be fear of him because you have talked about it or it may be that in talking it makes the situation more real , I felt that dread when I started to face the truth.
      Regards telling her you don,t get out, that is true in the main, look how hard it was just to attend the hospital, you have done nothing wrong in not telling her that.
      I think we worry to much when we have this condition, people in general don,t have a clue how dreadful it is, it affects everyone in different ways and only we ourselves know how much we can cope with, your day to day condition makes it ni on immposible to get out.
      You are innocent in all of this he makes you feel guilty, you are a victim only telling the truth of his behavior. x*x

      • #15668

        Hi Godschild, its that whole being judged thing again isn’t it. Police are here I am staying in my room leaving them to talk to him because I know that he is not going to be telling the truth and I cant help but pull faces or look at him when he is lying. Then he goes mad after they have gone that I have dropped him in it again.If he calls me down I shall go and say hello but other than that I will stay out the way. Cant shake this feeling and it might be as you say because I have spoke about things, I wish it would hurry up and pass. How are things your end x

    • #15672

      Have social services asked the police to attend, will it make him worse. I know how they lie to the police but they should speak to you seperateley and get the whole picture.
      Did you know they were coming, was he expecting them
      They really should never speak to you together as it can make the abuser worse.
      Let us know how it goes
      I have been struggling with yet another bug this week, started with a cold but I tend to get bronchitis a lot and its gone on my chest so having to rest today, he is outwardly being ok but his face is very red, do others see a red face when the abuser is not happy, I know my dad used to get it. He wont admit it but he hates me being ill and he always says he feels unwell and makes a big thing of what he does for me but I beleive its his anger at me being ill and him doing things for me, Ive seen it time after time over the years and usually he will blow up after a few days and be nasty I just know the signs seen them for so so many years.But he totally denies them.
      Hope your feelings pass off, and you get no repercusions from police being there, let us know xx

    • #15677

      They have gone now and he has come upstairs to brag to me how he was told that if there was a gun that his best bet would be to get rid of it where no one can ever come across it again because they would hate to see him arrested for it. I wanted him to hand it in so that I knew it really had gone. At this precise moment I could quite happily cry. I feel like those months I was worrying about that and how much it scared me accounted for nothing. They even said that he is not even on their radar anymore so he is on top of the world and laughing at me because I told him to hand it in. He is literally untouchable. Ever feel like how you feel accounts for absolutely nothing to anybody?

      sorry to hear that you are not well again. I am sure the fact that we dont go out affects our immune system. Surely being in a partnership means that you do things for each other especially when you are ill. He should not be moaning or throwing it in your face it it not as though it was planned. I really hope he keeps his opinions to himself and that you have a good weekend xx

    • #15680

      Could you contact the police yourself and ask them to confirm the details from what he’s told you? He could be lying about their response. They should be speaking to you but I know oh too well they don’t always do this. When my ex arrested the first time they contacted me the next morning and told me he was sorry, crying and loved me very much. I was desperately let down and this is when he’d broken my nose. No one came out that night for a statement from me either, although I doubt that I would’ve spoken to them at this point as I was very much in denial.
      Hopefully he is embellishing the truth in what they said to him. The police should be supporting you and your fears

      • #15693

        Hi undertherainbow and godschild,

        Today has not been a good day in general , I think the wanting to cry etc is a little bit of feeling jaded and frustration at how he is rubbing my nose in it. This was such a massive thing for me which is why I felt almost betrayed when he told me what was said. Do I believe it? I am not sure in all honesty he is very well liked by a lot of them. Quite possibly embellished as he likes his stories. He literally was bouncing off the walls after their visit with excitement at the fact that he was so untouchable.

        Under the rainbow, I have had many occasions with the tears etc and I find that the hardest to deal with it. Although I am shocked your police did not get a statement, ours are quite proactive. x

        Godschild, I love your attitude why should you let him stress you out, you are quite right about everything at least your recognise that, I still question everything yet when it comes to other people I see it quite clearly. x

        I feel lke a contradiction because sometimes I wish he would get his come uppance but then I would probably be upset if he did. There is no one way or the other I feel totally conflicted. I wont contact the police and ask because they have been the best out of all the agencies, if it was said then there was a probably a reason. I am trying not to react to things anymore I am best off letting things run their natural course. xx

    • #15682

      Are you sure he is telling the truth about what they said, mine has made up lies about things and then even admitted it when I have re asked him , they love to act superior and get away with things.
      I have felt many times that how I feel counts for nothing, the police can be pretty useless at times.
      He may not be off their radar though ,he may be just lying to you, can you check yourself what was said and if he is off their radar, they love it being smug and brag about things but it may not be true at all.
      They are being very blaze if he is off their radar after what has happened in the past.
      Your feelings count to us ladies on here and we understand how you are feeling now, could be just another box ticked that the police have called, its not good enough.
      Its true in illness we should support each other but after reading on here ladies experiences when the have been ill and the non caring attitude or abuse it seems classic, I think he thinks I enjoy it, he used to call me the queen when I was ill, giving out my orders,that was simply needing things ! sometimes he has been so nasty that I have almost crawled to the kitchen to get food and too ill to clear up and has said its abuse that I couldnt clean up ! Now I am so aware of the abuse and twisted mind set he has I am not going to stress over his attitude,he is in the wrong in the way he treats me, his sense of entitlement is not right so he can get on with how he feels, I know its classic behaviour and that helps me,its not me at fault as he has tried to say for years,im simply ill.
      Im sure the stress of the abuse affects our immune system as well.
      Don,t let his attitude get you down, he is wrong, it will all come back on him one day, I think the gun is maybe not real its just to scare you and make him feel powerful xx

      • #15699

        Its only recently that I am recognising everything, you get to a point when you can see things so clearly.
        Having the support from Womens and reading on here, hlep me ot be stronger and not guilty at whathe says.
        I can see through his every move and behavoir, he tries to look good and and thought he is being helpful but his body language an red face tell a differant story xx

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content