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Who defends the victims? The best most of us get is no-contact. Very little of us have some- one stand up to our abusers and say- “hey what you did was wrong, hey you are going to be held accountable for that”.
These same abusers who almost kill us then turn around and belittle us in front of who they want. They Say nasty lies, and share things we said to them in confidence..
My abuser’s new date was laughing at me when she saw me. Let’s see how she laughs when he hits her.
Anyways I wrote a nice little paragraph about having to face evil in people this morning. I didnt call his name. I didnt go into details about anything. I simply stood up for myself. It brought alot of different emotions to light for me. But mostly it was a small win for me. I am Ok with that. -
I totally agree Anewbreath, it is something that has made me speechless from when I first sought help. I couldn’t believe the advice was ‘lock windows and doors or go to a refuge, lay low, get a counsellor.’ Why are we the ones that have to change our lives, when we have done nothing wrong, while they get to roam free reeling in other victims? I also don’t understand how bail works, the way they let these violent dangerous men out on bail who then go round and kill the partner? Why aren’t they just locked up or at least tagged and under 24/7 surveillance if they have done something violent, it makes no sense to me. The current system means that we become the prisoners.
And then we are told we have to wait a year for counselling, are not given much housing support, people don’t want to hear about what we went through or even disbelieve us. It’s terrible. The system seems completely backwards to me. Change must happen.
I am very sorry this new partner laughed at you, that must have felt awful. Yes, sounds like she is in for a big fall.
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Thank you for responding SunshineRainFlower
I had lunch with my friends today, the only two friends I have in this city. I am so grateful for them.. and who was sitting a table away.
Her.
My feelings about her are so mixed. I am exhausted right now. I know she saved my life. Preoccupied my abuser so I could leave safely… He used her to stab me emotionally…. But that is not her fault.(detail removed by Moderator)
And she believes his lies. I am a witch. Can you believe he said that (detail removed by Moderator) I am a witch. I am an evil person. I am a w***e. I cheated on him.
He is less than (detail removed by Moderator).. and she will learn.
Just another way evil wins… but there was good in it right? I got out. With most of my things and more importantly my life.
It still hurts. But I try to see the positive… -
That is awful he called you those things, (detail removed by Moderator). It doesn’t surprise me though, these men are terrifyingly ok with lying through their teeth. They would throw their own family under a bus if they felt it benefited them, they have no empathy, remorse, guilt.
It is scary and very worrying how so much of society is still in denial about these sociopathic types amongst us. The denial of the majority keeps them in power, enables them to keep abusing. ‘Oh I’m sure he didn’t mean it’ they say. ‘What, him? He’s lovely, he would never do such a thing.’ Even my counsellor refused to accept my ex was in any way p**********c after all the crazy evil things he did.
Is there any way you can avoid bumping into this new woman? Sounds like it will be very triggering. I would be all over the place if I had to keep seeing my ex and saw he had a new girlfriend, I’d feel really disorientated and upset and ill. One positive is that you reported him, so if he does it to her and the next one and so on and they report it too, the evidence will build up and justice is more likely to happen. A small comfort but I think if all of us report these men eventually it will be like a tidal wave and they won’t be able to deny it any more, a bit like all these vile men in the media who karma is finally catching up with thanks to all the women who are speaking up about them.
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I was triggered. I babbled on and on during the night to my brother and father who are visiting. I was nervous, I sat in the bathroom and cried.
I havent told them of the abuse. They know something bad happened and they think I dont want to talk about it and they are right. They dont know how he beat me, how he spit on me, or the multiple rape. I didnt even know about the rape. They dont know much about the verbal, the emotional or financial abuse..I cant handle them knowing… I cant handle many people knowing… I dont want to tell them too because it will hurt them and my father is sick and my uncle who knows is already planning a trip to see me (detail removed by Moderator)
I didnt want to see her. It took a couple of years before he got comfortable enough to raise his hand at me, drag me around. He wont change without help and he is not getting any so she will know when he starts breaking her property and bursts her lip.
I am entitled to see my friends, whereever I want. I understand what you are saying Sunshinerainflower… If I knew she would come in and sit in front of me I would have rethinked going… But i shouldnt even have to do that…
I dont want him to take anymore joy from me. I just want the peace that is supposed to be mine.
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