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    • #115571
      Soulsearcher18
      Participant

      It is not a win, none of this was ever about a win- not to me anyway. Justice maybe…
      It is not ‘over’, why do all the professionals think it is over and I can move on…
      I’ve been handed a life sentence of having to communicate regularly with my perpetrator.
      I am expected to do this positively.
      I must do this, or face consequences

      So this is not a win
      It is not over

      Covid is here, the support that was limited at best before is now near non-existent
      Now it is ‘over’ as they say, the professionals are stepping out- can’t say I wanted them there in the first place but there is no-one to see it all now.

      So here I am
      Almost back to square 1
      But not quite
      But almost
      Maybe it’s worse

      Maybe he’s right
      Doubt creeping in
      Everything moving on, everyone going forward
      And here I am stuck again

      Fight or flight
      I’ve no fight left
      I tried to fight back and had it thrown and smeared all over me, dirt. Dirty.
      The marks are left forever more, as if he hadn’t already done enough damage

      He was in it to win, might not have been what the outcome he wanted but he’ll win
      in the end alright. They may not have given him free rein but they’ve given him enough
      He’ll not stop.

      If I could I would walk and walk and carry on walking.
      So here I am again, back at square 1
      Stuck

      ‘You’ll never be happy wherever you are’…it’s true, I won’t-not whilst I’m forced to have contact with him.

      So how do they solve that quandary- do they have an antid for helping you continue your misery? Bit of CBT, bit of mindfulness going to crack that one? Cheers, thanks a bunch- take your scripts, your therapies, your weblinks, your helpines, your well meaning advice, support and punchy one liners and take this to the streets. Stop trying to keep us going, stop keeping us tempered so we can manage the systems and stick your heads above the parapets and get out there and fight for change. Enough already.

    • #115572
      KIP.
      Participant

      Contact is toxic and detrimental to your health and always will be so that’s how you progress. Manage the levels of toxicity. All contact via a third party. Whoever ‘forces’ contact is harming you. Back this up with GP or mental health professional. You may think he has stamina but you have way more. Just to get this far is a huge accomplishment and testament to your strength. Nobody wins where domestic abuse is involved. We just try to minimise our losses x

    • #115582
      fizzylem
      Participant

      So true, it is about minimising losses for sure. BUT, you can work with any situation, there are ways, I can assure you. Take the time out you need before picking it up again; I mean you could disappear from all comms for months, years, forver and what could anyone really do? If you wanted to.

      You do have choices, just got to workout what is the best way for you re how to manage things moving forwards. Unless you have been court ordered, I would strongly advise cutting contact if you haven’t already and putting all comms through a parenting app. only. Take back the control, you might not like or want to have anything to do with him, none of us do, but we find ways to manage it that keeps any contact with him to the bare minimum and in keeping with the law, what we are expected to commuinicate. Play the game rather than taking the position I am forced into this, do what your child needs and no more, do what is required only; using an app can ‘show’ you have provided him with the info he needs.

      You sound utterly exhausted, for now, sleep, rest, do whatever it is you need and nothing else for now – you will rise like pheonix from the fire but until then detach and rest x

    • #115629
      Cecile
      Participant

      Could be you have PTSD as so many of us do. Contact will retraumatise you. It is harmful to you. Start with a female GP, explain this and ask to be referred for an assessment for PTSD. Refuse contact in the meantime. Its not like you will be clapped in irons or thrown in jail. The system only respects those who explain simply and clearly what the problem is, and who can provide evidence. GOOD FOR YOU FOR BEING ANGRY AND CYNICAL!!!!

    • #115657
      iliketea
      Participant

      @Soulsearcher18…you don’t sound in a good place.. How are you going to climb out? I know you’re strong. Is it sunny where you are today? Can you go for a long walk in the countryside, somewhere new? Somewhere you can explore, be alone, scream and shout, or just look at the trees, the sky, an open view, and breathe the fresh autumnal air. Get outside if you can. Take food. Walk, hike, go get lost, find a stream and put your feet in the icy water. To start though, before you leave the house, and this will sound crazy, get some ice, put in cold cold water, then splash it on your face – the strip across your nose, under your eyes, across your cheek bones, google “How do you trigger the mammalian diving reflex?”…do this every day…got to get YOU back girl…got to retrain the brain. Sending you a big hug, keep writing, keep posting. We’re all here. All is not lost. It will be ok. The system is truly f***ed this is true. But you don’t have to be. Don’t let it win. You’re better than that. We all are. xx

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