Hard decision for me

[hop]

I’ve written down some details that I can’t say. They still obscure references but it’s as close as I think I’ll get. I feel sick knowing that I’m going to tell someone else. It feels like a pretty big thing. I don’t know if I can show someone else……it feels really big even being written down….i need it to be over though so I’ve got to just go for it 😢

[KIP.]

My advice is just do it. I know it’s going against every fibre in your body but to recover you need to face that and do it anyway. Abuse thrives on secrecy. Even if you can get it out then take a step back. Baby steps. Two forwards and one back x

[hop]

I know I’ve got to do it. Thanks for your words of support. I feel like I can’t do it but holding it inside is a feeling I can’t even explain. I need the strength to do it….ive written it down as best I can…..

[KIP.]

Yep I’m sure your brain is fighting against you but ignore it and do what you can. If you can’t get the words out then draw a picture or a symbol. It’s incredible when the brain tries to protect us but once I opened up it was a huge relief. It took me six months to say the word ‘rape’ out loud so I know what it’s like to be struck dumb and it’s a normal reaction to trauma x I even phoned the helpline several times and couldn’t speak but I got there in the end and now you can’t shut me up lol. You will get there too. Patience and self care x

[fizzylem]

It ALWAYS feels much much bigger inside than on the outside – whatever it is; of course it invokes uncomfortable, painful, traumatic thoughts and emotions – so you have to feel safe enough with this person first to take the risk, but it is a risk that also needs taking, at the right time and with the right person – then it will be OK. These thoughts and feelinsg need processing, instead of burying them, they need to be taken out to look at so you can decide what you’d like to do with them, put them where they belong – we always need an other to help us do this and make sense of things, because we cant see it any other way – so that we can then find the resolve we desperately need. Take yout time FF, make sure you feel able with this person first x

[hop]

I do trust her but it’s so hard thinking about doing it. I need to write another thing….this is so hard telling someone the most awful things that I’ve ever had done just knocks me sick….i don’t know

[fizzylem]

That is great, she sounds like the one then; yes can relate, leaves you feeling sick for sure; you’ve got to try and put it aside as much as you can and just let it out next time; needs no planning, more just the decision ‘I’m gonna roll with it – see what comes out – see where it goes’. Much much better out than in flower – promise x

[hop]

I’ve never felt so torn about anything. I feel so sick. I know I’m going to have to say it eventually and I’m definitely the type who pulls a plaster off quick….why delay the inevitable 👀

[hop]

I’ve read back what I wrote….youve really got to read between the lines…..i don’t know if I can do it!! It won’t make sense and I haven’t got the words inside me. I wish I could have a couple of pints to take the edge off……it’s far too early in the day

[Author]

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