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    • #48416
      Anisestar
      Participant

      Not sure about this because I’ve not done this before. My big problem is that I was in an extremely abusive relationship and now he won’t leave me alone. How do i move? I can see I’m not the only one it just feels like it sometimes. Involving the police, restraining order etc doesn’t seem to work. How do i move to another area? I had the chance (detail removed by moderator) but I still have a child at school. Plus I’m tired of it. I’ve ended up going back to him in the past because he wears me down to nothing.

    • #48419
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey there. Can you ring the helpline number on here. Women’s aid can help you plan a safe move. I know how tiring it can be when they push the boundaries. At every step of the way I’ve pushed right back. If he is breaching bail or a restraining order you need to keep reporting him. Speak to senior police officers and get good legal advice. You can ring Rights for Women who offer free legal advice. If you do move, Have you considered a refuge? Also my Women’s Aid worker went with me to the housing office where as a victim of domestic abuser I was helped and taken very seriously. The helpline on here is a good place to start. Moving away from my friends and family was never an option for me so I chose to fight. Ignore him totally, block all means of communication and always report every breach. Google ‘grey rock’. If you don’t give him any response. Don’t let him see he is affecting you x

    • #48431
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi hun

      i would advise u exactly like kip has, get the non mol order issued against him and report him if he breaks it, relocate and change your daughter school, kids adapt a lot more then we reaalize

    • #48505
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Anisetar,

      Thank you for your post. Please do phone the helpline for some advice and support. They can help talk you thru all your options, including moving from where you live and possibly acceding support form a refuge. They will not tell you what to do but they can help you to consider other routes to support and safety so please give them a ring and let us know how you get on.

      We are all here for you so welcome to the forum and please keep posting.

      Best wishes.

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

    • #48741
      Anisestar
      Participant

      I have been scared of doing much to sort the problem out because he knows so many people. One thing I am sure of is that it was definitely abuse and he is terrifying. He makes me feel sick. I just wonder why does he exist, why do I have to exist? He has sent a load of texts in the past few weeks, all of them Cruel, nasty and accusing me of all kinds of things. I was not aware I had a block list on my phone. Did not know he even had my number. The police don’t make any difference, everything is always reported, but either not followed up or poorly handled. I’m going to try and contact a solicitor for advice, but I don’t have any confidence for anything much. Not sure whether I’ve posted this in the correct place.
      So much warmth and support on here and it helps.

      • #48743
        endoftherainbow
        Participant

        Hello, try the police again, ask to speak to their domestic violence officer, I think they all have them, they were great with me when I finally reported my ex. I was able to get a restraining order, for assault and also horrible, evil txt messages that he sent, I used to dread my phone going off, but I was too scared to block him in case he got mad. The relief since the order is amazing, its like he doesn’t exist anymore, there is light at the end of the tunnel xxxx

    • #48746
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Welcome Anisestar,

      ok you can’t control him and his ‘off the wall’ behaviours. You can report to the Police as you have but you can’t control how they handle it. The true Power you have is with your own actions. Block, delete, ignore, No Contact with him. These are all actions you can take. Being on the receiving end of harassment is awful. But that’s what he wants. You to feel awful. He will persist, persist and persist and then persist some more until….eventually he will be sick of getting no reaction and will be forced to groom another victim who he can hurt.

      He can persist but you can persist too, at not giving him a reaction. There is a chapter called ‘persistence, persistence, persistence’ in Gavin de Becker’s book ‘The Gift of Fear’. It tells how to deal with people who refuse to let go. Any little bit of contact will engage him.

      He has shown he doesn’t care about the Police and restraining orders. This will stop some abusers but others not.

      Trust he will eventually let go of you but you have to be strict with the no contact and giving him a reaction.

      Keep posting for support.

    • #48747
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Yes block him, delete his texts immediately if they get through so his nasty words don’t get into your head. How else is he harassing you and we’ll help you block those channels. If you can’t see him, if you can’t hear him, if you don’t let any third party relay any information to you about him then he and his ‘harassing behaviours’ can’t affect you. Let him go harass someone else.

    • #50246
      Anisestar
      Participant

      I want to reply to all of the above. Just to let people know I am safe and thank you so much for the support and kindness. The horrid texts stopped suddenly and then I came face to face with him. I ignored him completely though it was the first time I had seen him for a year. That was a few weeks ago and nothing since. In the mean time I have been ill so will try to get a Dr appointment, not easy where I live and continue to be vigilant. I never relax and I know I will never relax knowing what he is capable of. I’ll never feel safe if he knows where I am. He has been known to carry a weapon and he has threatened to kill me numerous times. He appears to give up and move on, but he ALWAYS starts it again. And the police treat it as a new episode every single time. For now though I’ll continue trying to think of ways to improve my heachances of a normal life.

    • #50247
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      That’s good he is not making contact. Keep reading the posts on here and posting to help deal with the fear he has triggered in you which is to be expected considering his threats. But staying in touch with this Forum has reduced my fear of abusers…once I’m not in close contact with any of them.

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