This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Woollymammal 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #75794
     Woollymammal 
    Participant

    Hi, I posted on here yesterday saying I was meeting someone about support, lovely lady..I got over my high anxiety when I got back to the area I usually don’t go out of..
    Usually he calls loads of times, but he hasn’t done that for a couple of days, which is weird!!
    But he didn’t come home his usual time either I called his phone several times went straight to answer phone.. I sent him a text, no reply..I started panicking even checked if his clothes were there ..
    Eventually he called said his battery had gone flat, and he got an charger from a customer charged it and called me He said out loud that he didn’t thunk I’d worry about him..
    Today no calls again.. why am I anxious about this ..
    If I was like that last night what will I be like when I leave…My brain feels like it’s going to explode..
    Xx

  • #75795
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    He’s changing tactics that’s for sure. My oh ignores me for days after an arguement or perceived slight. He’s making sure all you do is think about him all day, enjoying your worry and panic by the sounds of it. Unless the police come to my door with news, I no longer worry at not being able to contact him, I no longer bother he’s in late, though he did go through a stage of letting me know how far from home he was, so dinner wasnt getting ruined.
    Try not to let him into your head so much, it truly is a release from all that anxiety.
    Best wishes IWMB 💕💕

  • #75814
     fridges 
    Participant

    He is playing you up. It is one of the tactics – to go missing, so you will think more about him, worry and so on. He is disregarding you, it is one of the ways to take control away from you. Have been in two relationships myself and this is so typical. He wants to be in your head, raise your fear and anxiety, gives him more power and control over you.

  • #75830
     NewWings 
    Participant

    Yep these are the tactics of an abusive personality, ordinary people wouldn’t behave like that. Playing games is ok if both parties know the rules but if you don’t its abuse. My ex used to pick a fight to get of the house, or he would just shout in a loud voice I’m not eating that, and leave with the words Don’t ask me where I’m going because I won’t tell you. He did that one time and I didn’t react at all, he stormed off and 20 mins later returned obviously worried I might just lock him out completely. He looked a complete j*****s. He would also go away for so called work weekends and be completely uncontactable.
    Then if I rang he would tell my sister and his brother that I rang him too many times. If I didn’t ring there was trouble too. Now that I have refused to have any contact with him whatsoever, my mental health has improved dramatically and his has got worse. Its all about control and manipulation, if someone contacts you fairly regularly and then doesn’t, its manipulation. I seem to remember something about rats and a lever giving a reward initially the rats got lots of treats and them suddenly the rewards stopped, did the rats stop pressing the lever no, because once in a blue moon they would press the lever and a treat would appear. We humans are the same we hope that we can return to the period before they took of their mask and revealed to us who they really are. No one would ever say to their mark I am a con artist and I’m going to take you for everything you have. They charm and seduce. I would say that I don’t think my ex ever did anything that was spontaneous in our relationship everything was micro managed and manipulated..We would go places and these people that he knew would just happen to be there, or they would turn up at our house on the off chance and then tell me that they thought I should give up working..who were they to tell me what to do? He would pass on stuff I was supposed to have said and then I would be left further isolated. He read everything I wrote, broke locks on boxes and filing cabinets to see how much I knew, stole my phone and then suggested I get another iphone because they share so much info between them. He got (detail removed by Moderator) to break into my (detail removed by Moderator) account and to call the police for me. Even after he left he had to know where I was. I went away for a few days so he got a friend of mine to ring me to find out where I was. How did I know it was him because she hadn’t bothered with me for ages years in fact, so I was frankly suspicious of her ringing me apropo of nothing. When I suggested a catch up she made a big song and dance about having a cold. I have bumped into her several times recently and she has been very sheepish.
    These creatures are resourceful and they do help each other where ever they can and usually money is at the heart of it, at least that has been my experience. My ex thinks I should just rollover and give him what he wants which everything I have and my families too. He described me as formidable recently why? because I am his foe, only I always was, I just didn’t know it. He knew there was money and that my father was old and in poor health, when he died and I didn’t get the inheritance he thought I would he was more angry than I was. That’s when things really began to change I was no longer as valuable an asset as I had been. Its interesting to me that his girlfriend has her own busisness, will inherit along with one other sibling a substansial estate form her father who is also old and in poor health. He did his homework there. I believe I was targeted and she has been too. There are way too many similarities and frankly I still don’t anything about his life before I met him, which I think is very odd. I knew nothing and yet was married to him for (detail removed by Moderator) years. If you stop contacting him see what happens, be unavailable.

  • #75831
     Woollymammal 
    Participant

    Hi all, thank you so much for your replies, if I hadn’t got you all to offer me advice and bring me back to the real world, I don’t know what I would do..
    This is why my head is such a mess as he changes doing things .
    You don’t know from one day to the next what it will be ..
    I just need to get out of it, but I think it will be such a slow process..But in the meantime I will still be constantly questioning, as it’s hard to believe when he’s so loving and nice .
    Hugs to you all
    X*x

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