Have I done the right thing?

[Blossom24]

So, I left on (detail removed by moderator) My brother (after finding out how much I had been hiding and covering up) scooped me and the children up and we’re at my dads.
I now can’t stop crying and questioning my decision to leave. To make a u-turn and go back certainly seems a lot easier right now…

my husband has major insecurity issues he needs to address which led to years of coercive control, you could say some sexual coercion too and I’m just exhausted from it. It has got better over then years but I just don’t know if I can give it anymore years. He also drinks a lot. Over the years we’ve had conversation about the drinking, the control, me not feeling like a ‘wife’ and there’s been lots of empty promises which has got us here.
my bigger children seem happier and more relaxed already as they had started noticing some behaviours, I also have 2 littles ones…

is this the right thing to be doing? Should I just go back and put up with his ‘flaws’ nobodies perfect anyway 😔 😭

[Better-days]

What youv done has taken huge bravery I would love to do what youv done but trying to find the strength. You will be doubting yourself and feeling sorry for him but your free and doing the right thing although it may not seem like it just now it’s early days keep strong and enjoy your freedom your just at the beginning of a road to a very different life and i admire what youv done x

[Indeepindance]

Blossom24

This stage is completely normal I think based on my own recent experience!

If I could’ve gone back I would have (even knowing it would not feel good in reality).  Luckily he was so angry he blocked me completely and I was not going to beg. He’s done me a favour.

The pain is insufferable, you’ve lived and breathed this man and now his absence plus the confusion all the abuse has caused you will have sent you into freefall. I felt terrified, alone, grief-stricken and full of regret. I just wanted him to come rescue me and for everything to be back where it was. I didn’t know how I could live without him.

You still remember the reasons and the kids are a great source of strength during those times you wonder whether you’ve done the right thing.

I understand though where your thinking is right now as I still worry I was too hard on him and whether I could have lived with things the way they were. We shoulder a lot of blame and it takes time to start to see through it all more clearly. Very disheartening to hear it takes a while, I’m not a patient person so it was the last thing I wanted to hear!

Months later I still miss him, feel sad, can’t believe we were ever a real thing, think about him constantly.  But I’m starting to feel tiny shifts in how I’m coping, and notice myself not worrying so much what he would say or think about things I’m doing now.

You have done so well to get away into the safety of your family, and if you ever doubt just try to remember how you felt, and that you never would’ve done this for no good reason. Who would up-end their whole life for a misunderstanding? So take heart and trust yourself and your fierceness.

Nobody is perfect but we all deserve respect and boundaries, it sounds like you were allowed none.

Be so proud of yourself and keep talking, it will help.

Xxxxx

 

[deerinheadlights]

Hi Blossom24,

You so did the right thing, just like the others ladies on here have said!!! Please I encourage you to know you have done the right thing, don’t question yourself as I’m sure he had made you question yourself enough already for a long time now!!! That is what they(meaning him) want you to do is to make yourself question yourself into such a state of confusion to weather you don’t know weather you are coming or going !!! They constantly cause so much confusion in your mind & that is also how they keep you trapped, because if you are in a constant state of confusion, therefore you have no clarity and if you have no clarity you wont be able to see right through them, which is what they want, because if you saw right through them and there fake mask falls off, they  now are exposed for who they really are and there cover is blown and therefore they have NO MORE CONTROL OVER YOU!!!   I’m right there with ya, I am a newly, finally free person and I miss him the good him, which the good him is always a short lived thing!!!  However I WILL NEVER GO BACK!!! The peace I have for my child and I ARE SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT&IM IN HEAVEN !!! Its so refreshing to have peace again!!! I would rather be alone that ever go back to what I would call a three ring circus more that It was a relationship!!! He has begged me to talk to him over text , And honestly I have no desire too after the years of hell he has put me through!!! I have not and will not respond to anything that has to do with him period!!! And I think to myself,  if HE REALLY LOVED ME HE WOULD OF NEVER TREATED ME LIKE THIS TO BEGIN WITH!!! He did not want a relationship he wanted a puppet on a string that he could control !!! and although no one in this world is perfect, you don’t have to be a perfect person in order not to treat someone like that!!! It took me along time to see that, wish I would of seen it sooner!!!Good luck to you & your new found freedom girl you deserve that and so much more than what you were getting from him!!!P.S. Keep posting and keep reading the postings on here from other ladies on here it help me to see that I’m not alone and also that it helps to keep me in perspective of why I left him to began with as we are all in the same boat!!! Sending Prayers & Positive vibes your way & to all you ladies on here!!!

[Blossom24]

Thank you, I don’t know what I would do without you lovely ladies and your kind, empowering words especially in the middle of the night.

He had fully got in my head (detail removed by Moderator), where I started packing my things to go home. The bigger girls have now gone to their dads so they aren’t here for my reminder and strength and I’m just exhausted from not being at home and the whole upheaval of it all. After days of begging and promises he had said he was done and rebuilding his life and actually turned a bit nasty and that did feel like a moment of clarity. He has now promised marriage counselling, then he’ll continue for his insecurities etc etc.

if it wasn’t for the bigger girls noticing things and being unhappy I probably would’ve stayed much, much longer than I should’ve.  It’s also the distraught in-laws playing on my heart strings making me think I should try one last time for the little ones although I’ve said that before. On one hand I want to believe his promises of change but on the other hand I don’t believe them.

thanks again, I can only wish to have the strength of you guys in the coming days but sending strength and hugs to anyone in the midst of it all x*x

[Karisqq]

Hey well done on leaving. Things have been hard and you have been strong. Resiliency and strength are not on off button and these will be built through time, so you will certainly have such strength.

For me I also question my decision on moving away a lot, since I know they’re not completely bad ppl, but I know I have to be responsible for my mental health and life path, so I have to do what’s good for me.

When you doubt yourself,  think about yourself, and your loved one, and see what’s good for them. You’ll know you have made the right choice.

It’s normal to cry over it when you leave, since you really have invested in this relationship. Acceptance and patience are important here, accept that you’re going to feel that way and wait it pass patiently, it will past, feelings come and go. Be kind to yourself x

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