Haven’t been here for a while.. I’m still holding my breath.

[Cantmakedecisons]

Hi everyone, I not really sure what the point of this post is even about but and I’m need to feeling a connection with those who understand.

I haven’t posted on here for a while, I always read your posts but sometimes I just feel unjustified or unqualified to comment, but be reassured that if you think no one is reading your post – I always do!

It’s been a difficult time since I left and I’m still constantly ‘on guard’ but I do have glimmers of hope. I’ve recently moved AGAIN to a safer place and it has made a difference with my anxiety and am able to sleep a little more. The time between moving and being here nearly sent me over the edge again and although I reached out to the people that I know could protect me, they’ve let me down and I feel I’m dealing with a monster all on my own. The fear is so debilitating it literally stripes you of any kind self awareness/confidence or control.

I still feel like I’m holding my breath and if I allow myself to fully comprehend what has happened over the years then I just couldn’t cope, my mind would explode and I’m scared of the intensity of emotions that might emerge.. so I hold my breath.

I suppose I’m after hope that one day I can breathe or even smile and laugh. Hope that there is a life of value out there for me if I can ever get rid of the trauma and everlasting anxiety that seems to be taking over my body.

To all those who are posting or NOT remember we have each other and this unique group that brought us together is so sad and scary but also unites amazingly strong women that I’ve ever met.

[soxy]

Cantmakedecisions – I am so sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing. Well done for coming and posting here and I’m sorry that you have been let down by people. You’ve done so well and it sounds like the move has been good for you, now you are starting to settle. Have a look on the Positive Moments boards, there have been some lovely posts on there, the achievements are so encouraging. Maybe that would help, but all I would say is don’t compare yourself to others, don’t be afraid to comment on a post. Although our journeys are unique to each of us, we can still relate and have that moment of ‘you too?’ You also said that you do have glimmers of hope and that is great.

I don’t know whether it would work for you, but something I’ve found helpful is journaling, I don’t do it everyday. It doesn’t have to make sense, I’m not looking for beautiful formed sentences. I also was recommended to write down everything from my relationship. Both of these have helped me to get where I am now, although I haven’t left yet. There is no pressure when doing it, but I found to get my thoughts out of my head and on to paper. To see it in black and white, that it is real, I’m not mad. Then over time more has come to mind, so it’s allowing my mind to start processing what has happened. Also mindfulness has been really helpful to me for calming my mind.

If you can do post on here more because it’s anonymous and everyone understands. I’ve had so many wonderful tips and advice from the lovely ladies on this board, that has helped me and made me stronger. Just take it one day at a time, baby steps and you will get there. Sending big hugs x*x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Soxy – thank you for your reply. I will try and post more or even maybe offer advice where I feel more confident. I just feel a bit of a fraud offering advice when my life is still in such a mess.

You’re right about baby steps.. the enormity for us all is too much for that big jump, sometimes just ‘looking’ in the right direction is enough, then slowly hopefully we can start moving forward.

[soxy]

You’re very welcome 🙂 Yes do post where you feel you are able too. The problem is we have been made to feel worthless and that our advice is of no value. But that isn’t the case, everyone on here has value to add, because we are all valuable.

Baby steps and one day at a time, small goals, don’t overwhelm. Someone said to me recently that I may not feel like I’m moving forward physically, but emotionally I’ve made huge steps and that all then adds to the physical movement. So even when we don’t realise we are getting very far, we are doing better than we realise. Take care x

[Eggshells]

Hi hon,

I’m so relieved to here that you’ve moved somewhere safer.

One day things will be better. Your still in the thick of it at the moment and it’s difficult to move forward whilst your still fighting fires but you are moving forward.

Keep going with it. Now that you’re in a safer place, you might be able to start tobrelax and build your strength up a little bit.

The stronger you become the easier it will be to find your way through this and towards a life that feels so much lighter and calmer.

Your on your way there already. xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks Eggshells – I do hope so. I’m so tired!

The upheaval of moving was difficult again but I know it’s the right thing to have done.

I have stronger ways than others but the dips are low and it’s hard.

Thanks for responding x

[Author]

Posts