- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 11 months ago by orchid7.
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19th April 2022 at 9:28 am #142139orchid7Participant
Hi all, I’m having a bad few days. I left quite a while ago. I feel like I’m getting weaker as time goes on. It now feels like it has just all hit me at once and I can’t get through it. I’ve felt really strong and even when I did have bad days I wasn’t close to contacting him. But now I am nearly there. I am frustrated because I thought it would get easier. Just feels like the work I’ve done for months has been pointless because I now feel worse than ever. I’m worried that I am just going to see him and that would just spiral. It feels like we have just separated. I feel naive for doing so well but now it’s hit me like a tonne of bricks and I just want to give up. I feel like I just want him to contact me. I unblocked him and everyone.
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19th April 2022 at 12:03 pm #142146cakepopsParticipant
I think it is normal for things to feel worse for a while when life starts to settle down again. When you left and were putting in the work you had something positive to focus on and move forwards for. Now that hard work is done there is probably a bit of a void in your life.
Would planning some nice things to look forward to possibly help? So your focus is moving from more of a survival kind of mode to finding ways to enjoy your new life. It could be something as simple as going for a walk somewhere you’ve always fancied, or visiting a friend or joining a new group?
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20th April 2022 at 5:49 pm #142276orchid7Participant
Thank you for your reply. Yes I feel a void. I feel so guilty and shameful for desperately wanting him to contact me. Why do I want him to? I feel worse now it might be possible that he’s moving on with his life and leaving me alone. Even though I went no contact and wanted him to leave me alone! But I feel sick for longing for him to make contact. I think the thought that he has met someone else is painful, but why when I don’t want to be with him ? I still don’t feel like it’s over. Thank you for the advice I will try to plan some fun things for me to do xx
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19th April 2022 at 4:31 pm #142172LisaMain Moderator
Hi orchid7,
Thank you for posting and welcome to the forum. I’m glad you’ve been able to reach out whilst you’re having these bad days, and hopefully with some support they will pass. As cakepops says, what you have explained is a natural response to your situation. Often survivors have to be so focused on the practical elements of getting safe, that the emotional toll comes later. It is normal to have some doubts and to miss your ex or want to contact them, but it sounds like you know that it would spiral, to use your word. You might find it useful to make a list of the abuse that happened, to remind yourself of why you had to leave.
Have you had much support? If you haven’t done so already I suggest getting in touch with your local domestic abuse service to see if you can access some support to help your recovery- which is a process that is ongoing. The Freedom Program would be a good place to start.
Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you’ve coped very well but it’s early days and in reality there will be bumps in the road.
Keep Posting,
Lisa
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20th April 2022 at 5:51 pm #142277orchid7Participant
Thank you for your response. Yes that makes sense I’ve been in a whirlwind of discovery and now I just feel deflated and lonely. I feel so much worse now he has stopped contacting me. But I feel awful for feeling that! Thank you, I am receiving support from my local DA service xx
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