30th March 2021 at 9:49 pm #124031PinkheartParticipant
After doing so well lately I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall!!
I’ve been reading lots of self help books (maybe too many at once) and really feel like my head is going to explode.
Not to mention all my friends who are full of advice on how my life will be so much better if I start going on dates. I know they mean well but that is the last thing I want to do right now. I’m not mentally prepared for that! I couldn’t think of anything worse than trying to figure out if they’re genuine or just hiding behind a mask…
I just feel like I should have everything figured out and I haven’t!
Do I just quit with the books for now? Stop trying to work so hard figuring everything out and just live each day one day at a time?
Maybe I’m trying to hard to heal and not letting it happen naturally?
I don’t know? I’m probably not making much sense…
31st March 2021 at 7:49 am #124042beachhutParticipant
Sorry your having a bad time at the moment, but the ups and downs of recovering from an abusive relationship are all quite natural. Advice from friend who have not been in your situation is very nice, but sometimes not helpful. You do what is best for you, if leaving the books alone is what you need to do then do that, you will never fully understand why these men did what they did, so leave that to one side for now. Do what makes you feel better and helps you get through the day. When you are in a better head space you may wish to re visit the books. Till then just do what you want, when you want, at you own pace. Things will get better.
Take care of you.
1st April 2021 at 1:30 pm #124143PinkheartParticipant
Thank you for responding! I definitely needed to hear that. 🙂
1st April 2021 at 4:12 pm #124148EggshellsParticipant
Hi Pinkheart, Every down is followed by an up. If you hit a brick wall then I’m not sure that there’s any mileage in trying to bulldoze through it. If you can’t face the self help books right now then don’t even try. Non of it will mean anything if you’re not in the right frame of mind.
Just focus on getting through this moment; you will get through it but you have to be gentle with yourself.
There is no hurry to do anything. You sound like you are very in touch with your needs and it sounds like you need to take a break from trying to push forward. Just let yourself be for now.
Keep posting. Big hugs. xx
1st April 2021 at 7:34 pm #124152SleepypigeonParticipant
Hey, I have done similar, bought lots of books, read loads online, trying to make sense of everything that has happened, what did I do, not do right. Why was he like this. My logical brain wanted answers, but although iv read lots that made sense I doubt I will find all the answers and its frustrating. Iv dipped in and out of books, left them for days, then felt the need to read more. Friends can be well meaning but when they don’t fully understand, and they won’t unless they have been there to, it can be hard. I can’t imagine being with anyone else, I don’t think I could trust anyone enough to be intimate now. Iv decided to concentrate on me, do what makes me happy, even though at times I have forgotten what that is. I need to find me again, and look after me. If the books help then great, if not leave them. Reach out to WA or a Councillor someone you can talk through things with. Take care of you. Sending hugs x
5th April 2021 at 7:22 pm #124346HopeLoveHappinessParticipant
I’m so sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment. Recovery takes times, you are not only recovering physically but mentally and that takes time. Dont rush into anything your unsure off. Just take each day as it comes. If the books help then keep reading but if they aren’t don’t, I think maybe speaking to a therapist could be beneficial. I know sometimes it’s hard speaking out, but it helps a great deal. Don’t be too hard on yourself hun💜
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