25th March 2017 at 9:50 am #39754
I’m totally freaking out..I’m being reckless, I know it’s the consequences of leaving the relationship and my f’d up life.
I’m trying to be strong, and doing ‘OK’ then I met this guy and what the hell am I doing got absolutely blind drunk and feel like jumping in a hole.
There no excuse for me being a nightmare I really really miss my ex like hell…even though I know he’s X y z it is pure torture.
I don’t think I’ve had such a low point as this…I seriously do not know what to do, I feel like I’m losing the plot. I’m in self destruct mode, NOT about to harm myself or anyone..just crazy in pain…because I’m traumatised and I can’t explain that to anyone. It’s frightening, no doubt I’ll feel better in time…but atm I am not feeling like ‘myself’.
The confusion and psychological damage is paralysing what do I do?
25th March 2017 at 10:45 am #39758Escaped not freeParticipant
Ok, breathe. Deeply and slowly. You are not self destructing, you got a bit drunk with a guy whilst feeling low and vulnerable. What would you tell a friend who did the same? They are a mess? No, you would tell them they’ve been under immeasurable pain and suffering and made a mistake about how best to make them feel better. Get a shower, get dressed, go for a walk, doesn’t matter well, treat urself to a nice coffee to go and just walk and breathe. You are human. You do things with hind sure, went the best decisions. You are making this action define you as a person. It doesn’t. You are way more than this one action. Beer fear I think they call it…makes it worse!:-) once you have finished your walk think about doing something purely comforting…ice cream and a movie? Either at home or cinema. Books are probably too difficult to concentrate on just now but mindless films, ones that are funny, even if you can’t laugh are best. Run yourself a bubble bath, get your nails done. A voice inside you is telling you you don’t deserve anything good but you do. It’s so hard to be good to urself but start doing it and even though u don’t mean it now the more u do it the better it will eventually feel. You are not destroying yourself. You did what thousands of women do all the time in the same situation, self included. Ease up! You are so much more than this one act. Get out for that walk. Cry in the wind if u need to but walk until your heart starts feeling it. Please. Take care of you. You deserve it. X*x
25th March 2017 at 12:30 pm #39763
Thanks Escaped Not Free…thanks for those kind words.
It all makes sense. I feel scared and fearful, so vulnerable.
I’m Making bad decisions & have no one to talk too about all this..putting on a brave face!
Ok going to go out & get some air.
Thanks so much xxxC
25th March 2017 at 2:49 pm #39765JupiterParticipant
I do feel for you in this nightmare state–been there a lot.
Agree with advice from Escapednotfree above: this is correct in that you are overstressed and overwhelmed at moment but this will pass as it has before. You need a distraction that will relax you .What worked for you in the past when you felt this way? If all else fails,make a mug of tea or eat a sweet treat? I find this diffuses the brain,helping to wind down again.I also find joining the dots kids books helpful and if you dont have access to one you can draw stars and circles/flowers/hearts on a scrap of paper.This calmed me down as it isnt too much thought work but enough to train your mind to let go a little and move into another zone.You are strong and can do it.
25th March 2017 at 5:27 pm #39770White RoseParticipant
Give yourself time, be patient it will get to feel better.
Meanwhile as has been said already…. breathe…. relax…. take time out and continue your progress through life xx
25th March 2017 at 6:04 pm #39771Apple pieParticipant
You poor thing.
Leaving an abusive relationship is like hitting your funny bone- not just painful but sickly and uncomfortable. You don’t know where to put yourself. Your emotions are conflicting as you are traumatised and yet miss the perpetrator.
Like the other kind ladies on this forum said. Be kind to yourself. Concentrate on getting through each day at a time.
Don’t fall into the trap of over analysing your self or picking on yourself even though you are used to that (because thats what abusers do.)
Lots of people go out and get mashed when they feel rubbish and look for company and comfort. You are self aware enough to realise it didn’t help but put it behind you. Self medicate with chocolate and books and things like that. Soothing banal stuff can be a real comfort. They fill up the space in your head.
Take care and hugs x*x
25th March 2017 at 10:08 pm #39783
Ladies THANKS 🌻 I have chilled a bit today…Under the covers away from anyone.. I know it’s the trauma it’s a crazy place to be.
For us ..it’s a uphill climb.. sometimes unbearable & I find it overwhelming…I want to cry shout & scream out. WHY ME?? My anxiety levels have been on Max for ages,it takes its toll however hard I try to battle through..Like you all I get worn down it’s torment isn’t it..
..From the bottom of my heart…thanks 🌸
I feel a true connection to you and love this forum ladies big hugs from me to you …Saviour Survivor Sisters!
25th March 2017 at 11:33 pm #39787iwillbeokParticipant
Hi cuppa- isn’t this place amazing?! What makes it amazing is the women on here. If I need a pick me up- someone is soon there to hold my hand. If I’m in a strong place at moments I pop in to hopefully be able to boost someone else which reaffirms my strength and healing.
I have had some very dark days when I have struggled. On the other hand I am free of him. Free of the fear – I didn’t realise how scared of him I was though he never used physical violence the emotion and sexual abuse will leave scars. On balance I am definitely happier now that I am away from him. I still struggle with making decisions and not falling into the fog – survival fog (it’s like it was my mind’s way of protecting me. Some mindfulness exercises and setting myself small but achievable lists of practical things to do have helped.
26th March 2017 at 6:37 am #39788SerenityParticipant
You’re allowed the odd meltdown, Cuppa!
You’ve been through a lot, and sometimes things just crowd in on us or something triggers our anxieties, and that’s it- meltdown!
Don’t bash yourself for it. You’re doing really well. Keep going x
26th March 2017 at 9:50 am #39794
Thanks so much Ladies….as always your there for me and for each other *hugs*
…likewise I am here to support you all too…just a blip..though pretty scary emotionally the loss of control & fear of not recognising myself on odd days…when things just get too much! you know that feeling where you just ‘give in’..
…and HAPPY MOTHERS DAY too… past- present- future-
ALL women of our world..doing their best every dayx
Sending many good vibes Cx
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