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Hi again,
I haven’t been around lately as things were ok but today I feel like I just need to say it out “loud” to someone.
I decided to go back to university and started the application process. My partner was alright with it at first. All he said was that if I think I’ll be able to manage then go for it. Well the calm didn’t last long before the storm. We had an argument this morning which is still in process…
He’s mad because I wanna delay getting pregnant which we planned while I was pregnant with the 1st one. And I always change our plans and I only think of myself. He says that I have always put him on the bottom of the priority list and now I’ve put our son there too.
He wants me to do the online course but I’m worried that I wouldn’t get enough help and to be honest I wanna get out of the house. When I told him how c**p I feel being in the house all the time and that I wouldn’t mind some conversation he said that I wanna delay our family for a conversation. He’s not happy that I wanna put our son into nursery because he doesn’t think he’s old enough yet and only effing retards put their child in nursery and go back to uni and I forget my responsibilities.
I really feel like my life would be so much easier without him. Am I so horrible for wanting to go to uni?Thank you for reading
X*x
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He just wants to keep you at home isolated, he’s worried if you start to talk to folk you’ll start to question why you’re with him more so, and he likely fears you may even meet someone else; this is all his insecurities here only he’s trying to make it all about you, you are the selfish one here – no you need stimulation, human interaction and you want to better yourself and there is no shame in any of that! You will make sure your son is happy at nursery otherwise you wouldn’t be able to leave him; your son will likely have a brilliant time with all the other wee ones. Just concerns me that if he’s like this now it likely shows us he will try to make it difficult for you every step of the way by being totally unsupportive, creating more stuff for you to do before you can get to your uni work etc, unless you can get him signed up to it. But dont let this stop you! Go for it! I would be saying to him I really need your full support here x
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Hi there PB, I wanted to offer you some support. You certainly aren’t horrible for wanting to go to uni, but it certainly sounds as though your partner is making you feel that way.
Do get as much support in place as you can, remember you can contact Women’s Aid through the Live Chat. Also, your local domestic abuse service should be able to offer you some ongoing practical and emotional support whilst you are working through what is right you.
Best wishes
Lisa
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Hey there PB,
I was in the exact same situation that you are. Firstly I wasn’t working, just stayed at home with the children, then he took a pay cut and said I needed to go back to work. I ended up applying to uni to better myself and his initial response was the same. Throughout my course he has used every trick in the book to make me feel bad for going to uni. His mum warned me that he would do this (!!!) and to not give up. (She is no longer with us but I wish she was, she was so supportive). He would begrudgingly take the children to and from school when I couldn’t or I would get help from other family members.
He would say things like you should be at home, you’re so selfish, you are abandoning the children, I want to be able to go and do what I want when I want but I can’t because I have to do my job and yours!
He then took a new job which meant working away for weeks on end, this was a real threat to my course and nearly broke me. I have split from him many times during this course as he has done other things during this time too.
BUT, I am now finished and I start my new job in (detail removed to moderator) I am so glad I didn’t give up and can be independent (this is really why he didn’t want me to do it in the first place) most recently he said to me that no one wanted you to do this degree (that’s when I heard him loud and clear) it’s pathetic now i look at it. Normal people want to build each other up and support them, not bring them down.
Remember, you aren’t just a mum or wife or girlfriend.. you are an individual in your own right and deserve to live your life however you want.
With love,
Overcome
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