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What do you do when your ex lies, really lies, in a public arena, to professionals, and then you’re accused of having serious mental health problems. And then it appears that the professional believes him…
Why isn’t there more support for women when they’ve left? Why are we pushed and encouraged to leave, and believed before and then challenged and questioned afterwards? I don’t understand this system? Its crazy. Really crazy. -
Sorry to see you had such a bad day, no replies? I missed seeing you? Having a bad day myself that day. Hope your feeling better? I’m bobbing along again today and just found you. Thinking…Maybe? Your not over it? Having read your posts….& Today is a bad day too? But hope it’s not? I can’t throw any light on mental health accusations or a total soloution to your questions, but it was a bad day you had! I see that! Hopefully your getting over it? Although I remember those bad days! One after another untill…the day comes when it hurts less, the anger subsides, and your accepting of your situation. It’s difficult! I’ve been there! Up against the system! You can’t win! You have to just move on! Slowly… Though you kick and scream inside, wishing it different and further behind you. It will be in time! I promise, you will look back and realise it was always going to be like that. Him, doing his worst! Hitting back! The mud gets thrown when your going through the divorce system and childrens arrangements. The family court can be a snakepit full of vipers it feels I know, and you question the sanity of the place? And the professionals who are supposed to be qualified to act in the children’s best interests? Remember, they’re doing a job! They do this every day! They are simply finalising and moving forward each case…that’s it! They don’t have invested emotions! They are yours and HIS children and they act on the interests of the children having access to both parents. My husband left his children homeless and still had rights to them? Because it was their right to see and have access to their father! So…you are left after thinking…what? Maybe grieving having HIS children? It’s normal! I came to understand from others in similar positions. Don’t worry! The feeling? It’s mortifying but, it passes! Happy to say! Then the future begins…and what follows is uncertain? Untill we get there! Hope this is helping? It might not register at the moment? But you might see in time? Just keep going that’s all you can do at the moment, one day at a time! And keep coming here for Support if you need it, there’s nothing out there much is there! People who understand are more likely to be found in here! Arn’t they, though it’s different to having family and close friends nearby to support you, hug you when you need a shoulder! Which is a lot right now, I know! Hope your coping? I saw from your next post.. your struggling! Understandibly! Your up against HIM & HIS! Family bonds at times like these…it feels one sided and it is! Sorry to say! This is where it hurts! Having no family to be in your corner! It really is like a boxing match! Everyone cheering him on it feels like eh? Been there too! I do Just want to say before I go now.. Not quite sure who you were referring too when you mentioned people? Pushing and Encouraging you to leave? Who? I’m thinking… Can you not? recall that you were wanting to get away? How bad you felt it was? Wanting a different life? for you and your children away from him! It’s probably a fading memory now with all that’s happened since I imagine? Maybe you have regrets of leaving? At least you knew what was what? Then! Before! I can imagine myself thinking that! But, My not having had the exact same experience of abuse and leaving the home! before I divorced years ago with young children, I’m realising here, it probably wasn’t obvious to you what would come next? I’m sure! You have had a lot on your plate! Adapting to changes, making progression towards freedom and a new life. Unfortunately, it’s 1 step forward 2 steps back feeling isn’t it right now? Sadly, You have to go through so much more yet, before your going to feel out of the ring, and on Terraferm a, home and free! I’m sorry to remind you of this fact it’s hardly comforting to read or have said to you, I know! I remember it well! and hated! hearing it said to me when divorcing and having to deal with family court. I do hate having to comfort you with that! But I am trying to help you, no matter how squewed that sounds to you
right now! I just am trying to… take your hand and comfort you? With truth! My truth. I did try to enlighten you previously in a reply to a previous post of yours I remember, but you have to see it for yourself to understand, I guess is the truth of it. Now your seeing. I hope you will understand and it helps you on your journey? This old hand…offering you some support đź’ž take care, stay strong! Stay safe!-
I just wanted to say you’re not alone, I’m going through this at the moment. Have you seen the three planet model of DA by professor Hestor? She explains really well the different expectations depending on which system you’re in. I currently have a social worker who’s completely taken in by my ex’s lies and it’s making me feel insane completely re-traumatised and terrified. It’s so unfair that we’re told to leave but no one acknowledges as soon as you do, no one will believe you, courts will reward continuation of abuse through the legal system and you’re left alone, vulnerable and disbelieved. It’s a really scary place to be. I don’t have any answers I’m afraid as I’m in the middle of it too right now, but it helped me to see it wasn’t just me so wanted to let you know you’re not alone. Do you have a DV caseworker advocating for you?
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