He cohersed me financially too

[nevergiveup21]

Hi,

I escaped a domestic violent & abusive relationship and part of the control he had was convincing and pressuring me to invest in what he needed.

I feel like such a fool. So blind. He 100% scammed and gaslit me.

Now I’m left with (removed by moderator) debt

Is there’s anything anyone can recommend I do? He hasn’t got a job so he can’t pay it. What’s the best way I can help myself pay this off alone.

Any advice on any debt solution options would be very appreciated.

[Lisa]

Hi Nevergiveup21,

First, welcome to the forum. I hope you find this a place of support and understanding.
I’m very sorry to hear of the financial abuse you experienced and the debt that it created. Please know there are specialist services that may be able to help. Also please do not be hard on yourself with this; no one would want to believe or suspect that the very person that you should be able to trust most, would be so deceitful. The shame and guilt rests solely on him.
The DAME (Domestic Abuse, Money & Education) Project 01323 635 987 or dame-referrals@moneyadviceplus.com can give you advice and possibly support regarding the financial abuse from your perpetrator.
Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) is an organisation sharing knowledge, resources and information on best practice and research and raise awareness around domestic abuse. Their website includes lots of resources and guides for women experiencing financial abuse. https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/
The National Debt Line gives information and advice on debt; including bank, credit card, finance, mortgage arrears, council tax, hire purchase and utility debts. Issues dealt with include county court, refusal of credit, bank charges, harassment, housing and homelessness and bailiffs. The National Debt line is able to signpost callers, make referrals and can be contacted on 0808 808 4000, 9am – 9pm Mon – Fri, and 9.30am – 1pm Sat, http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/.
I hope this is useful to you. Please do keep posting as I’m sure the other women here will very much be able to relate.
All the best,

Lisa

[MayaMuffin]

I used a charity called Step Change and they were great at assessing my debt and helping me consolidate it.
Mine was racked up on credit cards paying legal fees to get away from my abuser, but also credit card debt he had convinced me to rack up for ‘us’. I felt such a fool for getting in the financial mess he got me in. He’d even mock me for not being able to budget properly, but he was sneakily taking money from the joint account that he had control of and that he’d manipulated so that I was the only one paying in to it. So he always had loads of money to spend on all sorts of hobby c**p and I was struggling to pay bills and pay for food shopping. I’d have to ask him to help me, which is when he’d mock my bad money managing skills.

Step change got me out of persistent debt with credit card companies. I now pay one manageable amount (detail removed by moderator) my credit score is so so much better. Before I had numerous credit cards all near their limits and all charging interest. So the debt wasn’t shrinking, I was barely paying the interest (detail removed by moderator).

https://www.stepchange.org/

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