He did What I knew was coming.

[Jhemoj]

So my abuser (prolific & I’m just one of his many victims) found himself a new girlfriend, ofc I was made out to be the ‘psycho ex who got a restraining order because he text me’… but he’s done it again to her, worse this time, I tried my best to protect her; I’ve not slept for months because I knew this day would come when he’d hurt her, I’m genuinely shocked he hasn’t killed her, she’s reached out to me for advice I suppose on his game plan of how he works in the weeks following the end of the relationship, my question is, would you help and tell them what his usual pattern is and try to help as much as possible or do I ignore contact and hope she finds a way? The 2nd option makes me feel sick but if she does go back to him and he finds out she’s been in contact with me I fear I wouldn’t live to tell the tale ? & it’s also making a reason for him to be angry towards me again? I just don’t know. I really wish someone had listened to me when I begged them to stop him. 🙁 today’s an angry/sad/super disappointed day
Thanku all for listening to my rant as always your amazing! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Flowerchild]

Darling Jhemoj, that’s dreadful news! There are times we really don’t want to be proved right…

It’s moving that she’d reached out to you, bit here’s the thing: you can’t make this right for her; you can’t protect her; you can’t save her.

What you can do is advise her to contact the police, or WA or both, and possibly suggest she is safer staying away from him.

More than that you cannot do. Do assume he has hacked her devices and passwords and can see any texts, emails and social media messages she sends and receives, so verbal is best, and do withold your number.

Your priority must be to keep yourself safe, darling.

Flower x

[maddog]

You’ve said that you’ve already tried to protect this woman. She is now the one who has to start protecting herself. She has to go to the police and make a safe exit. She has to make contact with Women’s Aid. You can’t protect her from herself. You have escaped from a violent predator. Please, for your own safety don’t get drawn back into the net. You can certainly speak to the police yourself and let them know that you are afraid of his behaviour. The current g/f will have to do the same.

[fizzylem]

This has happened to me but there are differences; there was no violence. She contacted me to ask if there was anything she should know as she was thinking of moving in with him. At the time, whilst I felt concern and a sense of some responsibilty to her and her daughter, I did decline because I couldn’t risk him finding out we’d talked, because this could have made things difficult for my daughter. I also felt it benefited my daughter having her around, as his behaviour went from single and reckless to wanting to do some family things, the drug taking also stopped, so she was a good influence and this was obs a much better situation for my child.

I am full no contact now and going for a protection order – I’d like to think that I would speak out if she approached me again after this if it turns out he doesn’t get to know where I live; I think we will always naturally want to help any woman in need to make sense of it now won’t we – as we know only too well how dreadful it is. But maybe we do this by posting and replying on here and that is all most of us can ever really do.

I think you have to put your own safety and your childrens safety, if this is the case, above her needs, but if you think there is no risk then I can’t see why not.

I think if you do though you should think it is highly likely she will tell him what you’ve said; she has no loyalty to you and will likely throw this in his face at some point. This woman did just that, and I was so relieved I hadn’t said much, it angered him yes but not enough to do anything as really I hadn’t said that much at all and it was her who contacted me after all.

You could help just by saying something like, yes there is a restraining order. I think you need to contact WA as they can help and leave it there.

You’ve worked hard to get this man out of your life and if you have a similar story to most of us on here – that took years and was the worst period of your life for a very long time; walking away here is perfectly understandable.

She’s been violently attacked – if that isnt warning enough to not go back – I doubt very much anything you say will make any difference.

My gut feeling is, as tempting as it may feel, it’s probably best to do nothing x

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