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This topic contains 12 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #103694
     Cantmakedecisons 
    Participant

    I had an emergency bag packed and in the car. It’s my car as he has his work (detail removed by moderator). He needed it emptied to go to (detail removed by moderator) and found my stash. He seems really surprised? And p****s off!

    I’m dreading tonight

     

     

  • #103695
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Have you spoken to the police. If you can do so I think you should make that call. Tell them you’re scared and ask for a police marker on your phone and address in case you need them. Is there somewhere you can go? What have you told him? Can you make an excuse. You were going to stay with a friend for a couple nights or you needed an emergency bag in case you caught the Covid virus and had to move out. What do you think he would believe? Try to have a plan in your mind x

  • #103697
     Cantmakedecisons 
    Participant

    I already have markers on our address as high risk and from previous incident.

    I don’t know what to say.. how can I explain it? He knows I’m on the edge!

    I need to think quick – KIP like you said maybe an overnight bag in case kids were ill or I was, not sure his gonna believe me tho.

    Need to charge my phone

  • #103698
     Cantmakedecisons 
    Participant

    I can’t call the police.. it was so awful last time.

  • #103699
     Headspinning 
    Participant

    Is he violent? If so I’m be tempted to just get out now with your kids. Just take what you need and go? If you were going to go at some point anyway maybe this is the catalyst to just do it.
    Or given there has been a previous incident just brazen it out that until you are able to trust him that there will be no repeats you will be keeping a bag there and that it’s been there for ages? Maybe that’s me being naive and could be a red rag to a bull.
    I like kips ideas too about safety during Covid – you know him best and you know what’s going to keep you and your kids safe x

  • #103701
     Cantmakedecisons 
    Participant

    He’s gone out to cool down..

  • #103702
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Please please don’t let the past stop you ringing the police if you’re scared. The domestic murder rates have doubled since lockdown. Nothing can be worse than that.

  • #103705
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    Don’t let fear paralyze you, sometimes you just have to get out of the burning building. You know you can’t reason with him and the more time you give him for “him to make a plan” means not so good for you and the kids. Get out and get out now. This won’t end well. So he’s surprised that you don’t like being abused and might want to not have it in your life, eh? That’s too bad. Do whatever you have to. There has to come a point in time when you just say – not having it anymore, not taking it. That day is today. Maybe I’d planned for it to be later but things change. We adapt and we make good decisions doing it. No fidgeting about here, ring the police, let them know what’s up and get away from him. Very alarmed here for you.

  • #103727
     Cantmakedecisons 
    Participant

    I’m here, I’m ok

    Well not ok compared to most people’s “ok” but I’m here and able to update you.

  • #103730
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    Good! Hey, what my ok is and your ok is – is what it is and always different. Just want to know you are safe and thinking on your feet and getting out of this asap. That’s all. We are all here for you!

  • #103731
     Cantmakedecisons 
    Participant

    Braelynn,

    I’m trying to think practically as much as I can right now – I’m sure you understand. One step forward and five back. I know this will start me on a downward spiral again but I need to work out how and when.

    For now, in this very minute it’s pain killers and bed.. again.

  • #103738
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    I know, sweetheart, I know….you do things in your own time…and yes, one step at a time, just know though at some point, in some circumstances it does actually need to be done “now”. Your one step forward is actually not five steps back because you Are seeing what’s what and you are wanting to do something about it and you are doing something about it. I hope you sleep well and I know where you are, I do. Get up in the morning and plot your course as much as you can and keep open the whole avenue of – if you can’t do it according to plan then you might actually have to just – go. Do as much planning as you can, get advice, put things into Phase One – that is all about what you absolutely have to have here in order to get out of this. I had to leave quickly too and I had to just think about – what do I have to have here? Get it and get out. I left alot of things but did manage to take most of what I needed.

    I hope you have someone you can go stay with? You can hide a bag in the bushes out around your flat if you think you’re going to go soon. we can be creative, right? Go leave it with a friend, say will pick it up later. Whatever you need to do. I think you might also need to really hide your phone. If you are taking painkillers and off to sleep then….he might just be able to lift your phone and see what you’re up to. Before you take whatever, hide your phone where you only know where it is and do read the “Cover your tracks” info on here.

  • #103746
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Sometimes practical thinking doesn’t exist because trauma takes over. The fight or flight part of the brain takes over and shuts down the practical side so it really is time to let someone else deal with him. My advice is to photograph your injuries, ring the police and get other services involved because you can’t deal with this on your own. He obviously can’t deal with it either. Abuse always gets worse and you definitely don’t want to end up in hospital under these circumstances. If you’re physically hurt you need to see your GP. Internal bleeding and other complications can arise and you need checked out. If you can’t get Up and about then ring 999 for an ambulance. I gave another lady that advice and the ambulance men were fantastic. She had terrible injuries and didn’t realise the extent so don’t take chances.

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