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    • #84416
      marmaladechamp
      Participant

      I was with him when i got a call from my new landlord asking about the room I was planning on moving into.

      I told him I was thinking of leaving him because of his behaviour and he just broke down. Ive never seen him like that. He is devastated and wants to get help. He knows he has issues with his temper but its all he knows because he was brought up around that behaviour.

      Truth be told if we had this conversation qeeks ago i wouldve stayed and give him a chance but now he knows and i fear there is too much water under the bridge. He’ll always have that in the back of his mind.

      What would you do in my situation? Can they change for the better?

    • #84419
      BeautyMarked
      Participant

      I’m so sorry to read that he’s found out about your plan to get away.

      I really don’t want to come across harsh or judgemental as you say you would have stayed if he’d said these things before, but the truth is that many of us have thought or done that and it didn’t go well. I am still desperately yearning to be able to go back to mine and even say I would put up with anything to have him back. It’s no good though. They don’t change from what I understand and abusive behaviours absolutely escalate especially now that’s he’s uncovered the fact that you were going to leave.

      He’s manipulating with the tears and the promises to get help. This is what they do. They turn themselves into the victim. I’m sorry to read that he was brought up in that way but it doesn’t excuse. Some people are brought up in similarly adverse ways and don’t abuse and cause us to want to leave. The fact that you were planning on leaving and have a get out plan that he did not know about is your body’s way of protecting yourself. You want to survive, to get out, to be free of this. The guilt campaign is starting. Resist being made to feel responsible.

      I feel so woefully ill equipped to advise about this, but what you describe in many ways sounds typical and you matter too much to stay with someone like this. They don’t change and if they do it’s a long hard slog and you would at least benefit from being away until you have hard evidence that he has changed. Please keep yourself safe. Perhaps phone WA? X

    • #84421
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Go to the room. If he gets help and changes his behaviour, which I seriously doubt, you can always go back. But my guess is that he’s manipulating you. He won’t get help. And if he starts treatment, he won’t see it through.

    • #84439
      blue eyes
      Participant

      Stick to the plan to take the room. It will give you space to think clearly, a chance to breathe and take stock and you will have somewhere safe to live away from his bedside knives. If he is serious about getting help and changing his ways then maybe you have a future. He needs to want to though and he needs to prove it to you consistently over a long period of time. You don’t want to be playing Russian roulette with your safety and life. x

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