Viewing 7 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #141056
      Needout
      Participant

      So tonight I tried to speak to him in an adult conversation. (Detail of conversation removed by moderator). I thought parents shared the time with them because they are our main priority. Clearly not. I do not know how I ended up here. I feel like Iv blinked and turned into a shell looking in on a nightmare. I literally have no energy left to do anything. There has to be a way out somehow 😩 I need out!

    • #141058
      Headspin
      Participant

      Am so sorry you’re going through this. I also had this when the kids were young, he wasn’t going to be a “childminder” while I went to work, he wouldn’t go to work so life was very difficult. My heart goes out to you, I am now over three decades in with my abusive husband and have ended up caring for him as he has a progressive illness. If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell me to get out while I could. Look after yourself and seek help and support.

    • #141063
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Hey there sweetie, you are not alone.
      Like headspin im now ling time into this marriage and i wish with everything ive got that i saw ealier that i got out earlier for my kids for me.
      You dont think your kids notice but believe me they do. Mine are leaving hkme soon and i will be left alone with my husband and biy that frightens me more than ever and i dread each and every day now without the kids i dont know how i will cope.
      My advice is to seak out advice is there anyone around you that can support you?
      A dr a friend family member or you can contact womans aid just to reach out and get some advice on your next step foward. You say you need out and i think you do need to get out so you dont end up stuck here like me your kids need you to be safe and happy its tough its not easy but none of this life is sweetie, if you want out you gotta reach out and get some help.
      Stay safe stay strong keep posting keep talking x

    • #141071
      Needout
      Participant

      I have tried to speak to my gp however I am completely unable to get an appointment. I am worried people will suggest a refuge whic would mean taking my children and leaving everything behind. I’m so scared to make the 1st steps though. Although it doesn’t help that I’m so anxious all the time. Also I have no proof. To the world outside he’s the most loveliest man ever. No one sees the side of him that I do. I can’t record him he would just take my phone from me. It’s like every night I go to bed thinking I’m going to sort my life out tomorrow. I get up and can’t face the day again x

      • #141074
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        I cant prove it either thats why emotional abuse is so hard there arw no bruises no scars you do not need to proove anything to anyone sweetie.
        As for help nobody will make you do anything at all you can just talk. Nobody will make you leave nobody will take away your children.
        I think maybe just talking to someone will help you in your own head sweetie. I see a counsellor if I didnt im not sure id even be here this life is just too hard to cope with alone so dont when you dont have too. There are people out there who will just listen for now until you are ready.
        People talk about baby steps alot on here taking tiny little steps is so much better than none at all. You do this in your own time at your own pace when you are ready we are all here for you we all know and get it.
        Im still here and wished i had left so many years ago. Theres no rush bit really think about reaching out sweetie.
        Sending you hugs stay safe xx

    • #141089
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Contact your local council, explain you are suffering domestic abuse and they’ll have a policy/process to follow. My local council class you as being at risk of homelessness and are allowing me to bid despite being in a joint tenancy, so I don’t know your circumstances but might be something to explore x

    • #141097
      Needout
      Participant

      Thank you for your continued reply’s. I’m so grateful of your time and support. I feel I am ready to leave. I have been making a plan and building up things that I need when I move and storing them at family homes. I have reached out to my local woman’s aid today who have been helpful. I’m going to see if I can get access to some counciling. My only move left is to find a place to leave to. I’m planning on just upping and leaving and all child exchange to be done from a family members house. He may put me down and see me broken but deep inside I have so much fight to get out of here. It’s just bringing that willpower out and working around my anxiety. This group has already helped me so much. So thank you all again ❤️

      • #141098
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Incredable well done you I love your strength and bravery.
        Keep going and let us know how you get on sweetie we all right behind you xxxxx

    • #141111
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      Hello @Needout
      Well Done with the planning you have done so far! I just want to add to all the wonderful advice you have had – do not underestimate the value of support. Now and after you leave. Womens Aid will go on supporting you after you have left… and you will need it. Getting out is truly amazing but I’m afraid the pain doesn’t just stop overnight.
      Like many others on here, I was married for multiple decades – still am – and I too had become a shell, there was no me left inside. Like @nbumblebee, I watched the impending departure of my children draw nearer with complete dread, and I lost my mind, with fear and the sense that there was no me, I was nothing but a prisoner.
      There is no way I could have got out on my own. My doctor, two close friends, and very good support from Womens Aid were with me every step of the way, and then my family once I plucked up the courage to tell them what was going on.
      After leaving I did the Freedom Programme and this also was a lifesaver.
      Please, don’t try to do this alone…

    • #141218
      Needout
      Participant

      Hi all. I’m now finding that because Iv opened up a little bit and people actually believe me and agree with me that his behaviour is no way acceptable, I feel this gives me even more strength to want to leave. I do agree I would not be able to do this alone and all your support and advice has been a massive help. I will forever greatful to all as without all this I actually think I was on the edge of a breakdown.
      Although I’m still yet to get a gp appointment which is no surprise really. Hope you are all well too. Sending virtual hugs to you all. Today has been a better day 🙂

Viewing 7 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content