He got physical with me because I wound him up.

[Tigger Roo]

I don’t know what to do; my partner and I have been having issues for the last (detail removed by Moderator) months as I’d had enough of his behaviour & he needed to make some drastic changes or I couldn’t see a future. We’ve been together (detail removed by Moderator) years & there’s been some concerning behaviour in this time.

(detail removed by Moderator), he got physical with me (detail removed by Moderator) which is not the (detail removed by Moderator) time he’s actually physically laid his hands on me (he didn’t hit or punch me but as I was walking away from him as he was drunk & I was sober (I don’t drink) & he grabbed the (detail removed by Moderator) & pulled me backwards so (detail removed by Moderator) on my neck & I almost fell.

(detail removed by Moderator) was because I wouldn’t give him the (detail removed by Moderator) & I also didn’t want to go to the (detail removed by Moderator) with him due to being scared of his first physical outburst. He grabbed me & held me whilst he fought my (detail removed by Moderator) from around my waist & wouldn’t let go of me despite several attempts of pleading with him to. He took my whole (detail removed by Moderator); car keys, bank card, ID, phone all off me & left for the (detail removed by Moderator). I was then kicked out of the (detail removed by Moderator) by management, (detail removed by Moderator) away from home at (detail removed by Moderator).

(detail removed by Moderator), he’s told me that he did this as I had wound him up but I don’t feel I should be blamed for his behaviour & he needs to learn to control his temper (he physically lashes out, will hit walls, punch surfaces, has kicked my (detail removed by Moderator) & put a dent in it before, it’s been frightening.

Any way, short of it is, I’m feeling like this is a boundary that once again has been overstepped. I’ve told him I don’t like him when he drinks around me as he’s got a different persona, but equally, I’m hurt, scared & confused as I felt we were getting back on track as I’ve seen progress in him over the last (detail removed by Moderator) months & since (detail removed by Moderator). His (detail removed by Moderator) is abusive & my partner has verbalised that people lash out all the time, they do not.

Any input would be appreciated as  I feel I’m going bonkers.

Thank you.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, you are definitely not going bonkers… you must have felt so afraid, I am so sorry he did this to you.

 

There is no excuse and no, it isn’t normal for people to lash out.  Even worse, he is blaming you for his outburst which is completely untrue but, unfortunately, abusive partners do not to accountability and tend to blame.  He is also trying to normalise his behaviour by saying other people lash out.  He is abusive and he is chosing to behave that way.

Have you had a chat with Women’s Aid online? They are helpful and don’t push you to leave.

 

Keep posting

HFH ❤️

[Allornothing]

Hiya, this is definitely abuse, they will try and normalise it, blame alcohol or deflect in any way rather than admit it is abuse.  I stayed for years, finding excuses for the behaviour – sometimes he didn’t even need to find an excuse, I was coming up with them to normalise everything and always believed there was a good person inside. Until I realised he wasn’t a good person, he was the nasty individual that came out with alcohol and he knew he could get away with whatever he wanted as he had done for years. It never gets better, if anything they learn they can manipulate us, cry and bring out the empathy in us until we come to the realisation that we deserve better and need to get away from their mind games and abuse.  Mine even used the knowledge he was gaining from support groups, it’s insane how their minds work, it’s cruel and they don’t deserve our time.

I do hope you reach out as suggested by Hereforhelp, gain knowledge which will hopefully make you stronger to make the necessary steps to get out! Sending love xx

[123qwe]

🌺 sorry 🙏 ssossss

[Author]

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