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    • #42825
      Alicenotichains
      Participant

      ….he got a family member of his to say “hello” from him to my daughter on social media (removed by moderator) (which I found quite triggering but also I went numb) and a (removed by moderator)  ago I had a missed call at my house when I was out at work from a number I didn’t recognise- (removed by moderator) called me back and it was him.
      It was strange to hear his voice, I was stunned, I went back into “old me” mode. I was very pleasant to him. I know that I should have just hung up. He told me that he had accidently phoned my house. He meant to phone someone else apparently but that is clearly a lie. I cried, he told me he loved me and I told him that we can’t have any contact as the social services would take away my children. Then he suggested we meet up in secret and not tell anyone but I said that I could not do that, then he told me he loved me and he would always love me and that was the end of the call.
      My previous abuser and father of the kids will be on the phone to social services if he has any inkling of the fact that abuser 2 and i got back together and he would love to do that to me. I am not letting either of these 2 men bring me down- I have worked so hard to recover from what they both did.
      I spoke to my counsellor straight away and she told me again to change my numbers, phone social services and phone the police. I agree with her that I should have changed my number when she first suggested it. I have done all of these things now and the police have been to my house when I was at work and are coming back later.
      I feel more relaxed now my numbers have changed. He can’t contact me now and I know if the phone rings it is not him. I can also demonstrate to social services that I am taking steps to safeguard the children.
      My friend lost custody of her daughter recently to her ex- the thought terrifies me. I am tightening up my defenses so that the “No Contact” message is even clearer.
      Not only am I having to work on recovering and maintaining no contact I am also having to prove that I am acting in my kids best interests. I came close to having child protection involved- I need to prove to the world now that I have the strength to stand up to the abusers and put myself and kids first. Changing my numbers feels like an important step.
      X

    • #42831
      KIP.
      Participant

      Well done. These abusers like to try to get back into our minds first then our lives. Please be very careful as they are so nasty, he could record the call or try to use it against you. You did the right thing. He wanted to meet up in secret when he knows this could cost you custody of your children. Nasty selfish self centred man.

    • #42833
      Lightness
      Participant

      I agree with KIP. It sounds like a horrid trap. How horrible for you to have to speak to him. Well done for taking the right steps

    • #42838
      Alicenotichains
      Participant

      I feel paranoid. I feel like one of the two ex abusers might try to cause me to lose the kids if I am not very very careful. That makes it easier for me to enforce No Contast as the consequences of returning to abuse are unthinkable in terms of what it would mean for my kids.
      Also I don’t know why he was phoning my home phone at lunchtime when I work full time and am never home in the day.
      And although he was talking in a friendly voice I don’t believe that he is thinking or talking kindly about me behind my back. He sees himself as the victim in all of this, that was very clear. I don’t know how he will react when he realises he can’t reach me by phone.

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