He is acting strange

[Stay or leave]

I have kept out of his way. He had 2 outbursts in a week. This is low its usually daily. We have been sleeping apart which I am happy about. I often wake up worried he might ask me to have sex with him. Today he asked me out of the blue if I wanted to. I said no its over. He said ok and left the room. I find him being too nice. Honey moon period. Somethings I have requested him to do he has paid no attention to
Now he is dad of the year and dping what i ask. Its weird. It feels like a game.
He has never paid so much attention to the children since they were born. He is asking me to go to social events with him
Obviously I decline. I dont want to go nowhere with him. I had a friend call round after they left he slipped into his nasty self annoyed I had not served his food ontime. It reassured me I am making the right decision.

[KIP.]

This is typical behaviour. He still thinks he can change your mind like he has done before probably hundreds of times, he will try every tactic, changing moods in an instant which shows he’s not genuine. This is a very dangerous time for you and the kids when he feels he’s losing control. It’s the most dangerous time when we end the relationship. Expect him to use the kids next to manipulate them and lie to them to make you out to be the bad one and he the victim. Please be careful, keep your phone on you at all times fully charged. I had 999 on speed dial. Never underestimate him. Do you have support from women’s aid? The more confident you get in your decision the more likely he will report to violence.

[Stay or leave]

I once called womens aid before. The advice was good. I would have to pay my mortgage and rent/ refuge costs if I leave. He would try to claim my house and im not letting him have it. I am wise to him. I will never take him back again. Its taken me so long to declare it over. I felt like dead inside at first and now im just waiting…like a waiting game 4 him to leave for good. He can call me a bad mum, bad driver and brainless (even though Im not). I have never involved police before but I am ready to make the call. He has been drug free for 60% less of the time to try prove a point….that he can cut down…but not quit. I am not convinced. I am going to go no contact when hes gone. Big security changes too. Then im going to report it to the police so its on record.

[Wants To Help]

Hi Stay or Leave,

Please be aware that you can’t just report someone to the Police for information purposes. The Police have a policy that they have to abide by and take positive action, this includes arresting for any historical offences of assaults, sexual assaults and C&C behaviour. You can’t just log something to be on record for the future, for instance, so his abuse will show up on a Clare’s Law disclosure for someone else. If you minimised his behaviour to report verbal and emotional abuse then they will likely just record that, but there is no point only reporting half the story.

So, now you know that, if you are going to report him to the Police, do it now, have him arrested and he’ll be gone from your house sooner, then you can put the security changes in place, and depending on the offences you report and the evidence you have, they can charge him and apply for a Restraining Order.

Lots of ladies get frustrated with the Police taking action when it’s not what they wanted. They thought they could just ring the Police for some advice, but once you disclose why you want the advice, they have to record a domestic incident or domestic crime and then take ‘positive action’ to arrest. The thing is, if they don’t, and the lady goes on to be further harmed or killed and it turns out the Police did nothing when the violence was reported to them, they get in trouble for failing to take appropriate action to safeguard.

[Stay or leave]

I am too scared to report him. I have no proof. He is not physically violent apart from he once threw a (detail removed by moderator) at me and burnt my neck. He also once drove me and him towards a tree. He stopped the car and made me get out and walk. Then forced me to get back in to shout at me and say awful things. Its all the mind games he plays. He is emotionally abusive. He shouts and puts me down. He expects stuff done to a standard. If not done he goes crazy.
I might have to call them if his behaviour continues. Im ready if he does threaten me. Lock down is difficult.

[KIP.]

Don’t wait for the next outburst. Ring them now. They may be able to remove him for you. You can speak to the domestic abuse unit, you don’t have to give your name x

[Lisa]

Hi Stay or leave

I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that you have already had supportive replies.

I know you are scared about reporting, I just wanted to clarify that we would encourage survivors to report to the police. There are situations where you can just log events with the police so they are on file and not take them further. You could always speak to your local domestic abuse service https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and they could help you to speak to the police. As KIP said, there are domestic abuse units within the police who can inform you of their procedure if you wanted to report or log information.

Take care and keep posting,

Lisa

[Stay or leave]

Thank you for your help and advice.
I am closer to him going to leave. He is feeling sorry for himself at the minute and I think he will eventually give up and go. Just a waiting game.

[Author]

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