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    • #117567
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’ve lost track of the amount of times my partner has said it’s over or how he desperately wants to be free of me.
      A lot of the time he will do it in a calm, lecturing kind of voice going on and on how I’ve never been supportive of his problems and how he loves me very much but he can’t continue like this. Sometimes he will start questioning me on when I can arrange to move out of our apartment or asking if I can make plans to start doing that. If he’s angry he will be nasty and rant about how he cannot wait for the future without me and to be rid of me and my sh*t or something along those lines.

      Also, sometimes if we argue he will start texting me (detail removed by moderator) either bombarding me with angry messages or sending me sad and miserable ones about how we both need to move on. I’ve told him I feel anxious when he bombards me like this and he will say ok I won’t do that again but will always do it again eventually.

      A lot of the time the following day I will wake up to him cuddling me or something. Or he might be sad or in a mood about it.
      He always describes it as being like groundhog day with me and that nothing ever changes (which is why I’ve always thought I was the problem or that I was frustrating him so badly by always doing the same thing or never changin).

      Most of the time I don’t even know what I haven’t ‘supported’ him through. As far as he’s concerned he always has it worse than me no matter what. Whether it’s his mental health (a big one), his addiction, a (detail removed by moderator) who is apparently ill but who I know is very manipulative like him so possibly doing it for attention (another big one), or some physical ailment of his (there is always one, be it a (detail removed by moderator) etc etc).
      So why am I always being accused of never being supportive? Surely if I’m that terrible he would leave. I always used to think he was just too scared to leave me and loved me so much he hoped things would change. He always says he hopes for things to improve but they never do.

      Is there a possibility an abuser could actually be pretty unhappy with you as well? I remember reading one of the signs that someone doesn’t love you anymore is they go off sex with you blah blah. And to be fair that has massively decreased (when I would feel rejected before for him rarely wanting it he would apologise and say he’s just not feeling up to it at the moment/feeling down/depressed etc).

      So all of the things I thought were problems to do with me and how he felt about me made me believe when he regularly said he doesn’t want to be together.

      Sorry if this hasn’t made much sense! I’m just confused x

    • #117571
      KIP.
      Participant

      You’re confused because youre with an abuser. They will abuse you about anything or nothing simply because it’s what they do. They push and pull leaving us spinning. You’re doing nothing wrong, he simply invents stuff to abuse you over because he can and he enjoys it. He will lie and gaslight and loves to blame us for everything he perceives is wrong in his life. It’s not you. It’s the abuser you’re with.

      • #117573
        gettingtired
        Participant

        Thanks KIP, he is so convincing and could go on all night telling me how unsupportive I am. He even told me he has no one to talk to about a specific issue of his.. I suggested his family and friends. He said he can speak to his friends but he thinks when he does they are probably wondering why he isn’t speaking to me about it! Is that manipulation?! x

    • #117580
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s a comment designed to hurt you and undermine your self esteem. We all know we should be able to share problems firstly with our partners. Imagine how he’d feel if you said that to him?

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