He is forcing me into a corner

[Toofarr]

Looking for some advice what I should potentially be doing or going from here. I’ve said in the past I tried to leave but terrified. I have (detail removed by moderator). I can’t go into detail as it’s not safe. However, my issue is, whether I stay or not is no longer the problem. He does not want me , he absolutely hates me. Wants nothing to do with me. He’s only kept me here for our child and to keep me under his thumb. He has said many times to go separate ways, told me to leave, most recently he has tried to seem amicable (this person is not amicable or civilised or even trustworthy). I have only stayed to safeguard our child. I cannot trust him for many different reasons. He is forcing me into a corner and I feel he is planning on doing something to end this. Eventually I feel he will try to coerce me or force me into a child arrangement. I cannot agree to that with someone like him especially because I have safeguarding concerns and knowing he will continue abusing and controlling me even if I’m not here. I also know I am terrified of reporting and going down the fleeing route however, eventually , he will be forcing my hand. I cannot hand our child over to someone like this willingly with all the concerns I have. He has also said multiple times I am to blame, that I’ve abused him, that I am controlling . I know this is DARVO but I am scared regardless that people will believe him .

what should I be doing if he tries to force me to hand child over or forcefully take them? I don’t want our child to be exposed to more of his abuse, hes already unstable. I constantly worry now that he’s planning on doing something based on everything he’s saying. It’s scary to see someone who you thought loved you turn into a monster that completely despises you and all the years you’ve given and things you’ve forgiven now means nothing to them, you mean nothing to them. I think he is holding himself back but potentially he will explode,

[Lisa]

Hello Toofarr,

Thank you for your post and for sharing what you’re going through, it’s really positive to hear that you are taking the safety of your child and yourself seriously.

I’d really encourage you to reach out to your local specialist domestic abuse service for confidential advice and support around this, it sounds really important to have some professional support at this point. You can look up the details for your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

It sounds like it might also be useful to access some legal advice around your rights and options in regard to child contact. Rights of Women can offer some initial free legal advice over the phone. The details for the Family Law advice line can be found on the website: https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

You could also speak to DV Assist about protective orders, to take some measures against him forcibly removing your child. An injunction could offer you both some protection in terms of this. https://www.dvassist.org.uk/

I hope these can be some useful next steps for you.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re doing.

Take care,
Lisa

[Marmalade]

Hi Toofarr I know how upsetting this is for you and I have read your posts and replied a couple of times before.

I remember that you were unhappy with the advice that Rights of Women gave to you that your partner could apply for 50/50 contact and that most children have ongoing contact. I appreciate that’s v hard to accept when you really wish to sever all contact.

All I can suggest is, you go back to Rights of Women and tell them of any updates in your circumstances to get their up to date advice. Alternatively see if you can speak to a family law solicitor. In some areas they offer the first 30 minutes free.

Lots of women on this forum have separated and now have child contact arrangements either agreed or court ordered so they know what an emotional wrench this can be.

Im sorry things are so difficult and distressing for you. Hopefully you will get some clear up to date advice so that you know what is likely to happen and can then plan your next steps. Best of luck with it.

[Toofarr]

Thank you for your reply. I am also now worried he’s emotionally abusing her and has worsened the abuse against me around her. I am worried the emotional impact this is having on her, so things have changed and only gotten worse. As things have changed I need to call again and explain but regardless my concerns for her safety and wellbeing has not changed and in fact I am not also worried about him being around her.

[Author]

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