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    • #123884
      xxx22
      Participant

      He was still finding ways to contact me to say how sorry he is for everything and how much he loves me. He has been saying he started seeing a counsellor as I’ve mentioned in previous posts but for some reason I felt he was lying. However in the last email he got to me on.. he is saying that the counsellor says he must forgive himself or his counsellor says he should express himself to me – despite me blocking him everywhere and wanting no contact to try and begin healing.

      So I rang the counsellor.. I found her on google.. the information he gave matched up. Of course she wouldn’t give information and was actually a bit rude to be honest because all I wanted was a yes or no when I said his name .. whether he infact was a patient or whether it was all a total lie. Anyway I could tell eventually by what he was saying that it is true and he is infact seeing her.

      I can’t believe he is actually paying for this and really is trying to get help to be better.

      Am I crazy for feeling sorry for him and thinking now that maybe he does really want to change and may do?

    • #123885
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s one big giant con to hook you back in. Don’t fall for it. Whatever nonsense he’s telling his ‘counsellor’ will be to suit his own ends. He’s not your responsibility, he’s not reformed or he would leave you alone. He’s already hooked you back in and has got you running after him talking to his counsellor. No doubt he’s painted you as the crazy ex and by ringing her you’re just confirming him. Do not get dragged back into his abusive world. You have this chance to break free. Zero contact and report any further contact by him to the police. Very often these men hook you back in purely for revenge and to have the final brutal discard. A huge ego boost for them which will leave you reeling x

    • #123892
      xxx22
      Participant

      Oh gosh you’re right I’m just being reeled back in. He just seems so genuine and like the counselling is tapping into the realisation of what he actually has destroyed. I just am shocked he is actually going – this is somebody who I thought would never do that, never talk about his feelings and never pay for something like that. So of course you start to wonder is what he saying about doing it because of what he’s lost with me x x x

    • #123894
      KIP.
      Participant

      Remember all the times when you were with him and he seemed so genuine when in fact he was lying and gaslighting. It’s the same thing. I bet if you saw the notes from his sessions you’d be appalled. Many of these men will do anything to reel us back in and judging by your response he’s found a weakness. ‘I am just shocked he is actually going’. That’s the whole point and you can bet he’s letting you know. If he was truly interested in self healing and recovery he would be keeping this private but it’s clearly something he knows will hook you back in. Remember he knows you well. Absolutely zero contact. That’s another boundary he’s trampling.

    • #123897
      Freedom @
      Participant

      Please don’t let the councelling hook you back in. Been there and can smell the BS a mile away. My ex also sought councelling after I left, was told to forgive himself, to feel sorry for the person he used to be. He got sympathy from councellor which is the only reason he went for a while. His real behaviour was never discussed and recently claimed to be “rehabilitated.” Who even uses that word if their innocent? In a nutshell run while you have the chance. I had an opportunity then and didn’t take it and still in the process of getting out. He will continue to go to councelling until he feels he has you where he wants you again. X

    • #123901
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I agree it sounds like BS, he will also no doubt be revelling in it if he’s managing to get sympathy from a professional. It will just add to the entitlement. I can imagine mine will do this sort of thing when I leave. Blocking him will help you start to heal and focus on yourself and the future you want and deserve x

    • #123902
      xxx22
      Participant

      Yeah you guys are right. I wish I never phoned her to be honest but I was so sure it was all one big lie so I just wanted to do it but I am being reeled back into the drama.

      He is blocked and has been for a long time but I just still hear from him on other ways sometimes unfortunately.

      But it’s true, I’m sitting there wondering what on Earth he has said or now his next session is probably going to be all about the fact that I rang her. But it is definitely still part of being manipulated because it’s true, since then, I have been thinking that I can’t believe he’s making such a huge step and I can’t believe he decided it on his own and is doing it.. or.. maybe he is just is confused and really does need the help so maybe it wasn’t emotional abuse.

      X x x

    • #123904
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s still emotional abuse. He’s telling you about his counselling to gain sympathy and mess with your head. Anyone can pay for counselling. Turn up and talk nonsense. A counsellor will just sit and listen. These men believe their own delusions. Most will discredit their ex. Telling anyone who will listen that their ex was the problem. The abuser. He’s going to be so happy when his counsellor tells him you rang her. That’s a huge boost for his ego. A huge power trip for him x

    • #123905
      xxx22
      Participant

      Yeah because it’s showing the reaction he got from me still .. I feel like I’m just going backwards sometimes and now days like today I feel like my depression is triggered even worse and I’m just miserable in bed at 2pm. It’s horrible but it’s my own fault falling for it x

    • #123906
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      If hes anything like my ex, and these men are all cut from the same cloth, he’ll be telling the counsellor all the things he did to you…but saying you did them to him. He’ll get sympathy and validation from the counsellor for his lies and projection and learn lots of new psychological terms to abuse you with…if you allow him.

      Try to put the focus back on yourself and your own recovery. Whatever he does or doesnt do is of no matter. How you move forward and heal from this is what’s important. His voice is back in your head, making you doubt yourself, making you feel sorry for him. This is exactly what he wants. Give yourself a good talking to when the doubt creeps in. You had many very good reasons to leave, he was abusing you. The ongoing confusion you have is a clear symptom of that. People leaving normal relationships dont doubt their own reality. Reach out for support here and to your wider support network and be very kind to yourself. Contact with him is toxic for you, be kind to yourself and avoid it as much as possible. It does get easier. Sending a big hug xx

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