He is making little attempts to break his promise

[Serenity]

I thought I would be able to try to rebuild my life without having him loitering about.

The injunction has expired, but he made a promise in court to drop kids of/ collect at end of adjoining road and to use my mum as third party for communication re kids.

Well, he never uses my mum – just tells kids to tell me what’s happening- no discussion allowed.

Now he is beginning to drop off and collect right outside my house.

I don’t want to fly back to court at the slightest thing, and be accused of being dramatic, but what shall I do? He is inching closer.

He promised to not communicate with me directly. He sent me an Xmas card – which on the face of it looks benign ) O would be laughed at if I told the court this was harassment ), but aren’t I allowed to be free of him?

Next he’ll be on the driveway!

What shall I do? I want him far away. He is a psychopath.

[katielove]

Could you put into writing to him in a recorded way that you would like him to stick to what was stated in court? At least this way your wishes are recorded and then if you phone 101 you have evidence that you have asked and you can state he is causing you psychological trauma and that you are having to alter your day-to-day routines because of fear from him. I know that these are the type of things that can result in an harassment order; it may be that just as he is edging closer in tiny steps – you need to re-establish the boundaries in tiny steps.

Sorry if this sounds like it is rushed – it isn’t – I am just tired.

KL

[KIP.]

Hi Serenity, I don’t think it’s the slightest thing. He’s pushing your boundaries because he can get away with it. Remember an abuser early on will test to see how much we will put up with, well he’s doing that now. He’s causing you anxiety, breaking a promise he made in court (not that that means a thing to him). I think you should nip it in the bud. If you do so now I think the court will take you seriously, as will the police. Maybe ring 101 and ask for their advice. He still thinks he’s done nothing wrong and will just carry on until the law stops him. I also think it reinforces the last interdict you had. It’s saying to people, I did this before because I’m afraid of him and I meant it. It’s also continuity for,your boys. Their father is not welcome in your life. It’s only going to get worse if you do nothing. Next he will be asking to,use the toilet! You deserve a peaceful life free from anxiety that he causes x

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

Totally agree with kip , call 101 for there advice and see what they say , someone needs to have word with him , could your mum call him
And say u need to stick to dropping of arrangement or do u use a communication book where u could pass message on

[Serenity]

Thanks all,

I have been so good not saying anything negative to my boys about my ex ( in fact we rarely mention him). But today my youngest mentioned being dropped off by the house.

I needed to remind him that it wasn’t permitted.

He then ( sounds like my ex!) said that what the court didn’t know wouldn’t hurt, and that I was ‘involving him’ ! Where did he get those words!

I think my ex is cleverly telling the boys that they shouldn’t be involved ( I totally agree!) but then he is covertly transgressing the boundaries, so that I need to mention something! Then end up looking bad!

Now I feel guilty. I don’t want to have my kids caught in the middle. I don’t want their dad to enter our daily conversation. And I don’t want to bad mouth their dad- I want them to come to their own truth.

I think I will call the police for advice and also tell my mum to remind my ex about the court agreement.

KIP- you are dead right. He has such a sense of entitlement and mischief and control, he probably would try to use the toilet next.

X*x

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